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Please don't feed PickleMan
Please don't feed PickleMan
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Choose Your Own Adventure: I-MOCKERY STYLE!


You decide you're going to hit Pete where it hurts, and stomp on his bad ankle! Actually, as you're barreling towards him at full charge you notice that since the last time you've seen him he's gone and gotten himself a peg leg, which is something of a relief since you couldn't quite remember which ankle was his bad ankle anyway, so the choice is rather easy.

With the smuggest of smug looks on your face, you firmly plant your foot down on top of his and grind your heel back and forth. "Haha! How do you like that, you scurvy bitch!"

"Gah! I'm done for!" Pete cries and collapses to the sand below. His eyes roll back into his head, he twitches for a moment and then he stops moving altogether.

Nice going, mister Ankle Smashor. >:(

"Pete? Pete? Come on, Pete, this isn't funny! You still haven't told me where the treasure is!"

You nudge Pete with your foot. No movement. There's no WAY he could be dead. Is there? You decide you should take his pulse. Nothing.

"God DAMMIT!" you cry. "This is BULLSHIT! He said I would have to kill him to find where the treasure was, and now he's dead. And he never told me. I can't BELIEVE I killed him by stepping on his foot. Goddamn old people..."

You sit curled up on the sand, elbows resting on your knees and your chin resting on your folded hands in contemplation. For hours you sit like this, unmoving, staring at Pete's mocking corpse. Thinking back on all the trials you've faced just to get here. The lunchboxes, and Dix Spickler, and Lucky the Leprechaun and the severed head of Arnold. Everything. It's just too much to let it all end so disappointingly.

Thinking back once again to the teachings of Biggsby, you recall that he ran you through several practice scenarios as part of your battle training, including a technique used to revive dead hookers. Then again there are other techniques he taught you as well, such as rifling through the pockets of the heavily sedated, or communing with the spirits in the boiler room. Of course those spirits came in a bottle, but you're willing to remain open-minded at this point.

Given new resolve, you decide that you're going to be damned if you'll see it end like this. One way or the other, Pete is going to reveal where the treasure is! Just like he promised!

You decide to:




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