I-Mockery
Please don't feed PickleMan
Please don't feed PickleMan
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Choose Your Own Adventure: I-MOCKERY STYLE!


"SHUT UP, Mongoose!" you say just a tad too loudly. "I don't need this shit! What are you, MARQUIS DE CATCHPRASES OR WHATEVER!?"

"There's no need to shout." Mongoose replies calmly.

"I'M NOT SHOUTING!!" you erupt.

"Uh, yes you are." Francis interrupts.

"Totally." says Dizzy Steve, though you can't be sure if he's actually aware of what's going on.

"Oh oh OH I see how is, yeah. You're all ganging up on me, is that it?" your voice breaks as hysteria begins to set in.

"You take it easy!" Chin-myu chirps. "Big shout not gonna help nobody!"

"I DON'T NEED THIS!!" you shriek like the big, hysterical girl that you are.

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

"I JUST WANTED TO GO ON A FUN CAMP WEEKEND AND MAYBE GET INVOLVED IN A BIG MYSTERY LIKE SCOOBY-DOO AND MAKE IT THROUGH ALIVE AND MAYBE LOSE MY VIRGINITY BUT IF NOT THAT'S OK I STILL HAVE VIDEOGAMES BUT COME ON AND I DIDN'T ASK TO BE MADE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION I MEAN CAN'T I BE ONE OF THE SECONDARY CHARACTERS THAT MAKES IT THROUGH ALIVE"

Your breathless rant is cut short by a sharp comment from the side. "CUT! What the hell is this?"

To your surprise, a man with a black beret on his head, a cigarillo clamped between his teeth, and a big megaphone in his hand, bursts out of the bushes. "No no no no no no NO. Darling, what do you think you're doing?"

You blurt out some nonsensical mumbling in response. "He was totally breaking character right there, Mr. DiDeLaFiorientinado." Dizzy Steve says, suddenly appearing remarkably clear-headed.

"I can see that, Bertrand." the man snaps back. "I'm just curious as to WHY. What are you doing, screwing up my production? Do you think you are better than everyone else, is that it? Do you think you do not need to read the script, hm?"

"I... buh... jah... That is wuh..." you stutter.

"Enough!" the man cries out. He puts the megaphone to his mouth, turns it on, and blares directly into your face: "GET OFF MY SET. YOU ARE FIRED. I SHALL PERSONALLY SEE TO IT THAT YOU'LL NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN."

You gawk dazedly as Theodore and Mongoose begin shouting for make-up and Chin-myu, surprisingly articulate, walks off complaining that he 'can't work like this' and 'will be in his trailer if anyone needs him.' Finally, two men run up to you, drag you off the camping grounds, and toss you into a puddle of mud just outside the entrance. Even though you haven't the faintest clue what the hell just happened, you're pretty sure you just ruined every chance you ever had at becoming the next Sean William Scott.

SORRY, DONALD TRUMP WASN'T AVAILABLE FOR A PHOTO

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