I-Mockery
Please don't feed PickleMan
Please don't feed PickleMan
About Us Store Advertising Contact New to I-Mockery? Register an account and join in the pickled fun! New to I-Mockery? Register an account and join in the pickled fun!

Choose Your Own Adventure: I-MOCKERY STYLE!


This talk about catchphrases is costing you valuable chick-hunting time. "Zip it and ship it, Stickfinger!" you tell Mongoose. "If I don't get me some action soon, I'm going to turn gay and if I'm going down, I'm taking one of you with me."

"Wow, great catchphrase." Mongoose replies.

"What, 'I'm going to turn gay'?"

"No, the other one. Anyway, which way do we go? Fate seems to have appointed you the head of our expedition."

You cock an eye at Mongoose's sudden outburst of Dungeons & Dragons nonsense, but he quickly composes himself by punching Theodore in the neck and carving a horribly crooked pentagram in his own forehead.

"I say... thattaway!"

You head off into a random direction, so drunk on your newfound sense of leadership that your confidence defies reason. I mean, you have no idea where you're going. Your companions don't seem to realize this though, and they follow you blindly through the forest. After a while of clawing through the thick undergrowth, you start to doubt your sense of direction. Just when you mean to speak up and tell your hapless team of stereotypes that you think you're lost, Chin-myu gets a fit of excitement.

"Smell girls! Smell girls! Girlie girl perfume and body oil products!" he chatters, jumping up and down. Everyone backs away a little apprehensively as he starts naming off all the brands of shampoo, deodorant and facial cream that he's smelling, including their store prices.

"Which way, Chin-myu?" you ask, as the torrent of of brands begins to dissipate.

"There! There!" he yelps, and runs off.

"Hey! Wait!" Francis exclaims, and rushes after him.

Before you and the others can pursue them, a voice speaks up.

"Seems they try to catch bear with bare hands, hm?"

Startled, you spin around to find that there's a mysterious Native American standing behind you. You didn't hear him approach, it's almost as if he simply appeared, like magic...


This isn't what he looks like, but it IS proof that Native Americans are either Spider-Man, God, from outer space, or all three.

"Um, hi." you say cautiously.

"Come on, man! We gotta head after those guys before we lose track of 'em!" Mongoose complains, obviously ready to spring into action.

"Me am called Squatting Fox." the Native American says. "Maybe you like to do a little business, hm?"

"Uh... what've you got in mind?" you ask, torn between joining the hunt for girls and conversing with a strange man in the middle of the forest.

i am not a kangaroo testicle

Squatting Fox holds out a small brown pouch. "You heard of peyote, hm? This stuff make peyote look like washing powder. Send you on powerful vision quest, not to mention get you pretty goddamn high. Special price."

"Man, you can stay here and talk to Chief Offensive Stereotype if you want, but me and the guys are going to head after the nerd and the Asian kid." Mongoose says, as he, Theodore and Dizzy Steve vanish through the bushes.

"Squatting Fox know many things." the man continues, when you make a move in the direction your buddies just ran. "Many things that others have forgotten. Things about past, hm? Camp Chopleton not a safe place. Never have been."

It would appear the creepy, ethnic recluse is knowledgeable about the camp's mysterious past. What a strange turn of events. However, if you don't follow after your buddies now, you might lose track of them altogether.

You decide to: