"Dig, robot minion! Dig a hole!" you tell the tiny robot.

The robot responds by swiftly burrowing a big round hole next to the corpse of Captain Skywarp. You kneel to sit down on the forest ground, then look around at the mud and dirty leaves, and sit on Captain Skywarp instead. You hum a little, thinking how comfortable this actually is, how soft yet firm his-

You break off abruptly when you realize you can no longer hear the little robot digging. Maybe he shut down? Maybe he's done? It took him long enough... As you kneel at the edge of the hole and look down, you suddenly think that you've violated the Sacred Fourth Directive of Dealing With Robots and Genies: be specific in what you ask for! Sure enough, the robot has gone on tunneling relentlessly because your stupid ass didn't tell him when to stop! Beneath, you see only darkness, and a tiny spark of light somewhere impossibly deep.

In an ironic twist of fate, Captain Skywarp's body goes through one last muscle spasm that deals you with a kick in the butt. You tumble over forward and fall screaming into the darkness for what seems like an eternity. After about five hundred somersaults, a short nap, and a solitary game of truth-or-dare that leaves you with a self-induced wedgie and an embarrassed crying fit, you realize everything around you is starting to get lighter. You're falling towards that strange speck of daylight you saw before...

Reaching the other side, your descent begins to slow down somehow, and you pop out of the hole, rolling into the wet grass of some unknown world. You smell strange spices and hear weird noises. As you stand up, a strange, alien creature addresses you.

"EY YOU! CRAZY AMERICAN MUFUCK!! WHAT YOU DOIN IN MY RICE PATTY, GEDDAHERR OUT!! GO BACK AN EAT A HOT DOG!!"

You can't decipher the peculiar little gnome's language, but from his frantic jumping up and down and his sharp tone of voice, you get the impression that he doesn't want you here. Jumping back into the hole isn't exactly an experience you wish to relive, so you start trudging through the soaked grass. This only seems to upset the coolie hat-wearing goblin further.

"EY! EYYYY! I SAID A GIT FROM MY RICE YOU SIRRY BASTARD!! GUARDS!! GUARDS, A SEIZE CRAZY AMERICAN MUFUCK!!"

You begin to run as best you can, as the ground begins to vibrate with a low humming sound. Suddenly, one of the basins near to you opens up, and a group of other creatures pops out, pursuing you.

Armed with space age technology, they catch up with you soon enough and clasp you in chains. You're whisked away to a fortune cookie factory, where you serve out the rest of your life in slave labor. Your attempts at sneaking messages out have no effect, though they do amuse people for years to come.

DONE WATCHING THE HYPNOTIC BOUNCING? GOOD. START OVER!