You cackle with glee as you command the robot to set the nearest tree ablaze. "Die, Ents! Lord of the Rings is for nerds! Like that Frank-Frank guy!" You're so busy rubbing your hands together in evil satisfaction that you fail to notice the fire spread to the next tree, and the next tree, and the next tree...and oh shit! The next thing you know you're surrounded by an inferno! Way to go, hot shot! You sure didn't think this through!

Just when you're about to give up all hope of getting out alive, a shadowy figure swoops in from the trees, to the rescue! And it's none other than—John Travolta?

Yes, John Travolta, in fire fighter getup, has come to your aid. "Wow! Thanks John Travolta!" you say excitedly. "What's with the fire fighter outfit?"

"I'm promoting my new movie, Ladder 49", he says with a nod and a grin, resting his fist on his hip. "So the studio sent me out to rescue real people from real fires."

"Wow, that's amazing!" you reply. "Though not half as amazing as the fact that you even have a career anymore after that turd of a movie that Battlefield Earth was."

Suddenly Travolta's lips start quivering wildly and he gets an insane gleam in his eye. "Turd?" he mutters quietly. "TURD??? That's my RELIGION, you rat-brained man-animal!" he shouts.

With that he taps his headset and says, "Old Mother Hubbard, this is Psychlo One. I think I've found a new convert for you. Send a retrieval team to my position, ASAP."

Within moments a helicopter appears overhead, and four guys dressed like Psychlos from the horribly crappy movie repel down on ropes and place a burlap sack over your head. You try to struggle but the four of them are holding your firmly in their grip. You sense that you're being lifted back up to the helicopter and a voice near your ear says "You're gonna enjoy your reeducation, sonny boy. Welcome to the wonderful world of Scientology!"

If it's any consolation, the forest fire completely engulfed the camp and everyone in it. But it's not a consolation at all, because you're too busy being BATSHITZANIA CRAZY to care!

YO LOONEY TUNES, START OVER!