As you stand there in shock, mouth agape and covered in a spray of Father O'Cutleybits's blood, everything around you seems to slow down to a crawl and all sound is dampened to a low murmur. You see the crazed, yellow-eyed, axe-tipped power drill-wielding bearded killer glaring down at you, but it's as if he's been frozen in time. You look down at the sputtering Father O'Cutleybits writhing on the ground in pain. You look around at the other kids--wait a minute, where the fuck did the other kids go? You look off into the distance and see them bolting for it at a seeming snail's pace through the trees. Well, at least some of them might make it.

Suddenly it occurs to you that you're still just standing there in front of the killer. You just can't tear yourself away from the sight of Father O'Cutleybits reaching out, grasping desperately for you in his flailing. His slow flailing is almost dreamlike, almost hypnotic. You could just stand there and watch him bleed out...suddenly a loud gasp from O'Cutleybits brings you back into reality, and all sounds regain their normal volume as time resumes it's normal pace. You look down at O'Cutleybits and realize that he's been trying to say something to you the whole time. You look up cautiously at the killer, who merely stares down at you curiously, making no move.

O'Cutleybits gurgles, reaching out and trying to speak. You slowly move forward, your eyes on the killer the whole time. You know it's dangerous to get that close to the killer, but O'Cutleybits is about to tell you something important. You HAVE to hear what he's got to say, the entire future of Camp Chopleton could depend on it! You lean down close to O'Cutleybits, saying gently "Yes, Father, what is it?" with a nervous quake in your voice.

"R--rugh...gaaaaaaak."

"Come on, Father. Spit it out. You can do it."

"Ruuuhhhhh....*hack* guuuuuuh."

You look back up at the killer, who is still just staring at you. He seems fascinated by your bravery. You take Father O'Cutleybits's hand and say "Speak to me, Father. What is it?"

"Runnnn...you fucknnnnngh id...iot...*" and with that, O'Cutleybits dies. You suddenly realize that he wasn't reaching out to you at all, he was waving frantically for you to run away with the rest of the kids. Just after you have that thought, you receive a face full of whirly axey death. But not before your final thoughts inexplicably turn to Mr. Gay Brazil, who you remember seeing on the calendar in the back of Dick Boddy's office. So strange. And yet, so pretty. So, so pretty.

WHEN YOU'RE DONE STARING AT
HIS GLITTERY CROTCH, START OVER!