Please don't feed PickleMan
Please don't feed PickleMan
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Choose Your Own Adventure: I-MOCKERY STYLE!

It seems a little odd, having to bring your own toilet to camp, but an official letter from the camp's administrator is an official letter from the camp's administrator, so after a quick raid on Dad's tool chest and five or six minutes of 'pondering', (The words 'tool' and 'chest' being so exciting and all), you lie down on your back and scooch under the old John. Yesiree. The 'crapper'. The 'Throne'. The 'Porcelain Bus'. 'Ye Olde Shitter'. 'Star Gate SG Poop'. The 'Fecal Funnel'. 'Mr. Hanky's Flume Ride'. 'Li'l Stevie Hawkin's Excrement Event Horizon' Oops. Too much thinking about holes. Time to 'ponder' again. No wonder everybody hates teenage boys.

Easy enough, right?

Having never attempted to remove a toilet before, you're not sure what equipment you'll need, but like dad always said, 'It takes more than an exposed butt crack to be a plumber, but not much more.' It's just a matter of the right tools for the right job. A little overkill never hurt anyone. So, you take the vice grips, and put 'em up on the closed toilet seat, take a flat head screwdriver and put it with the vice grips, take a philip's head screw driver, an allen wrench, a torque wrench, a monkey wrench, the... what the hell kind of wrench... oh, that's not a wrench... and it's not Dad's. Wonder if Mom knows dad has that? Wonder what dad's using it for? Oh, well, power drill, ball peen hammer, rubber mallet and pipe wrench up on the toilet seat and OW!

Jesus H. Toothpicks, nothing hurts like a damn cast iron pipe wrench falling off a toilet seat and smashing you on the face! Better put it back up with the other tools on the toilet seat and OW! OW, CRAPPITY-FISHSTICKS-FUCK, owee, ow, ow ow! That SMARTS. Better put that nearly lethal pipe wrench back up on the OWWW, GOD FUGGING... OW... unghh. Is that blood? Huh. Damn. Can't hardly see straight. Better put the OWWW!!

Huh?... Where am I?... M'under... some kinda... toilet or... watsis? A Pipe wrench? It's all... sticky... better put it OWWWW!!

Who lef' this... these two... better put 'em....