Well, when you have to pick the lesser evil... camping is kind of a male bonding thing, so you take up dad on his offer to drive you. You toss your bags in the back of his dusty old pickup truck and swing open the passenger's seat door - it falls off with a loud clang. "Don't worry about that, son!" dad says amiably, as he tosses you a roll of duct tape. As you slip into the seat, you notice he's sporting his 'show me your tits' cap, his NRA button, and a seriously insane grin. You shift some of the dozens of unopened beer cans out of the way and settle for a long, long drive.

As the truck bursts into life with a roar and a cough, dad extorts a violent, whinnying laugh, and rolls off the driveway. He smashes a tape into the old 8-track, and joyfully wails along as Skynyrd's "Gimme Three Steps" bursts into the car. The truck wildly swings to and fro as dad guns onto the freeway. You're starting to get worried. "Dad, are you OK?" Dad turns to you wild-eyed. "WHO! ME? FINE! YEE-HAWWW!!" The heavy scent of several alcoholic beverages and what may or may not be oven cleaner wafts into your face. "Toss me a cold one, kiddo, and have one yourself!" dad screams, as he nearly topples the truck over to veer around a school bus. You hesitantly open two cans of beer and hand him one.

Several miles and many, many beers later, you notice dad is starting to turn rather quiet. "Um, dad? Are you feeling OK?" Dad glances sideways at you, and you see his eyes are glazed with tears. He turns down the music and mutters "No son... no. I haven't been OK for a long time." You appreciate this father-son moment, but you'd appreciate it a lot more if he'd watch the road rather than stare at you, weeping. "You see, your mother and I... we... we've been having fights. She's been... doing..." His attention is drawn away from you by an old lady honking the horn behind you. Dad's face turns a vicious red and his eyes bulge as he gives the wheel a yank and hits the brakes. "WOMEN! THEY'RE ALL THE SAME!" he shrieks. You only have a brief chance to watch the old woman's car bank and roll across the road before dad grabs your shoulder rather painfully. "Son!" he says, weeping again. "I didn't want this to happen to our family! I just want you to know - whatever your mother tells you is a lie!"

"OK dad. Whatever you say." you cautiously mumble. "Oh, my son! My son!!" dad screams hysterically. "Have I told you today I love you!?" Not wearing his seatbelt, dad leans over and grabs you in a desperate embrace, and starts to cry on your shoulder. Meanwhile, the car rolls into the opposite lane. Ahead, the driver of a truck carrying gasoline frantically hits his horn. Disturbed from his fit of tears, dad rises up again, baring his teeth.

"IMPOTENT? I'LL SHOW YOU IMPOTENT!" he shrieks, and puts the pedal to the medal. On the 8-track, Lynyrd Skynyrd starts to sing "Cheatin' Women." How ironic, you think to yourself, just before you and dad are vaporized in a giant ball of flame.

YOU GUYS OK IN THERE? NO? WELL START OVER!