You've been here for maybe twenty minutes and you're already sick and tired of camp. You stuff a few things in a small backpack, purposely avoiding a change of underwear (take THAT, mom!), and get out while the getting's good. Luckily there's still people with bags walking around everywhere, so no one pays attention to you while you slip past the entrance and onto the parking lot.

Some old guy in a greasy fedora kindly offers you to hitch a ride, and aside from his hand consistently missing the gear shift to land on your thigh, the drive home is fairly uneventful. Unfortunately, when night begins to fall, the old man pulls a stop near a forest and tells you to "put out or get out." You're not entirely sure what this means, but when he starts loosening his belt you're pretty sure you want to get out of here before he can give you a whipping. You run off into the forest, forgetting all about your bag. You wander around for what seems like hours, when you hear someone nearby muttering "na na na na na na na na na na na na..."

"BATMAN!" you cry out.

"Oh, hi." the caped crusader says embarrassedly.

"What are you doing here, Batman?"

"I'm not actually Batman, though I do play him on TV! Well... did, anyway." replies the dark knight. You suddenly realize it's just Adam West in his costume from the 60s live action TV show. "Say!" Adam says. "Would you like an autographed picture? Only $10!" He produces a photograph of himself seemingly out of thin air.

"Uh... no, thanks. Listen, I'm lost and I need a place to spend the night... are you alone up here?"

"Oh hell no!" says Adam. "I'm up here with the whole family!" He points with his thumb to a cave behind him, where you see hundreds of mysterious eyes peering at you from the darkness. "You can join us if you want! It'll be a bit of a squeeze..."

"You know what, thanks, but no thanks." you reply as courteously as you can manage. "I'll uh, I'll be alright. Be seeing you."

You start walking off, but Adam calls you back. "Hey! You forgot an autographed photo! Tell you what; for you, it's only $5!"

You turn around but try to inconspicuously keep walking, backwards. "Oh... that's very kind, but, well..." you trail off.

"Wait!" Adam says urgently. "I'll give you one for free!"

"I don't want it." you say curtly, hoping to end the conversation and get out of here.

Adam doesn't answer, but his eyebrows draw together in a furious frown. This is a bit of a surprise to you because you were pretty sure those things were just painted on his mask. He clenches his fists, draws in breath, and screams "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T WANT IT!? I, ADAM WEST, OFFER YOU A *FREE* AUTOGRAPHED PICTURE... AND YOU DARE REFUSE!?" He turns around and calls out to the cave: "MY CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT! GET THAT BLASPHEMER!!"

You feel your bowels and bladder simultaneously emptying themselves in your pants as a swarm of bat boys comes charging out of the cave. In some vague corner of your mind that isn't currently preoccupied with screaming in astronomical terror, you wonder who could have mothered these children out here in the forest. And before your living flesh is torn from your bones by razor sharp teeth, you catch a glimpse of a young man with a black eyemask, yellow cape and huge pregnant belly emerging from the cave to see what all the commotion's about.

GUESS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GO BATTY? YOU START OVER!