You decide to run off
in search of the Amazons, who coincidentally, you believe to be in the
jungle, so it's sort of the same as if you say, decided to "go deeper
into the jungle", only your intent is different because you're not just
running into the jungle aimlessly like some sort of bumbling bumblefuck,
but you're charging into the jungle with a purpose! You just know that
if you can find a host of other angry man-hating muscle-bound women,
you'll be able to convince them to protect you from Wonder Woman's
wrath. Or maybe you're just trying to fulfill your teenage death fantasy
of being chased and tackled to death by a horde of scantily clad
muscular women.
In any event, you're running headlong through the brush, hoping to find
some sign of people nearby. Perhaps they live up in the trees, like
Ewoks, you think, and scan the forest above you, to no avail. Before
long you're hopelessly lost, but you're pretty sure Wonder Woman doesn't
know where you are either, so you figure you're pretty safe for now.
Unless there are any gorillas. If there are gorillas, you're pretty much
fucked.
You're running for perhaps another five minutes or so when you see a
floating white glow glinting through the trees ahead. Curiously but
foolishly brash, you burst through the trees into an open clearing which
for all you know could have contained the killer snowman from "Jack
Frost", but oh no, you just have to go charging on in like
you're fucking Rambo or something.
You're in luck though, because the glow wasn't a killer snowman,
but rather a floating computer screen (with no monitor or anything,
weird huh?) set to Amazon.com. Just as you realize this, you see another
one pop up before you, and another, and another! But why so many? Why,
these must be the Internets you've been hearing about! And on the
Internets: the Amazons! You chuckle to yourself over the irony of it all
as you prepare to leave the clearing. You're pick a direction and start
heading hey, that's a really good deal on speakers to the
checkout button, and then you march with determination woah, if I get
all the seasons of the Transformers at the same time, I can save a ton
of money toward signing up for an Amazon credit card. With so many
Internets, there are so many great deals to be had! Before you know it,
you've exhausted your funds and racked up quite a debt. You realize then
that you don't even have enough money to go home to get all the awesome
stuff that you've had shipped to your apartment. But it doesn't even
matter that you're stranded out in the middle of the jungle on Paradise
Island with no way to get home, because the Amazons find and kill you.
But for what it's
worth, your asshole neighbor "Steely" Dan "the Man" Eggleston, the
annoying frat boy who's always throwing parties and directing all the
drunkards to vomit on your front door, steals all your cool stuff from
your front steps about three hours after it arrives, so at least it's
not going to waste.
