Three youthful
celebrities, a mysterious island, an exploding Billy Mumy, it's all so
complicated. You'd need some kind of supercomputer to figure out this
mess, like Batman's crime computer. Granted, you never understood how
Batman was able to build and program such a fancy computer, but if he
could do it, so can you. With all the resources around you, you should
have no trouble at all assembling such a complex piece of technology.
You gather up some bamboo and coconuts from the surrounding area. Now,
constructing a computer from scratch is no simple task, so it probably
wouldn't hurt to draw out a nice schematic first. The only problem is
that you don't have a pencil on you. You could try to fashion one out of
a bamboo shoot and some smushed-up ants, but every second you delay in
building your computer is another second spent languishing in ignorance.
Whoever said "measure twice, cut once" was obviously never in as big a
hurry as you're in right now.
After hours of hammering and cursing, you finally finish work on the
bamboo computer, or as you've taken to calling it, "the bambooter." You
check the cables (vines) and test the fans (leaves), and everything
appears to be ready for the trial run. You push the power button, which
is in fact a lightning bug, and the cricket-powered harddrive chirps to
life. For some reason, however, nothing appears on the monitor. It could
be because the "monitor" is just a hollowed-out boar skull, but more
than likely, it's because of a software conflict. Fortunately, you have
the number for tech support, and a phone made out of the leftover
coconuts. Fortunately, your bambooter is still under warranty, so tech
support agrees to send a technician over to take care of your problem.
The guy they sent to
help you is a real ape. Literally. He squats in front of your bambooter
and prods it with a stick. Minute after minute of his prodding his soft
grunting are starting to make you wonder about his credentials. You
inform him that he might want to try your boot disk. Unfortunately, your
boot disk is just a rotten jawbone, and the technician, fearful that you
may be trying to steal his job, pummels you with the kind of fury not
seen from the average technician, unless that technician also happened
to be an ape. With a degree from DeVry.
