You decide to track
down the three-legged footprints, and in doing so you immediately get
crushed by one of those "War of the World" tripods, leaving you very
flat and very dead. I found it you think just before your brains
ooze from between your teeth, which are actually scattered everywhere.
Well, so much for that.
The story's over, because you're dead now, and when you're dead there's
not a whole helluva lot you can do. Speaking of hell, it's awfully warm
all of a sudden, and if it's so warm, that means you still have the
sensation of feeling, and if you still have the sensation of feeling,
then that means you're still alive!
No sooner do you think that thought when a demon skewers you on the end
of a giant barbed dildo-spike and you realize that you actually are
dead and just in Hell.
"Bummer," you mutter as you collect all your bits and pieces and organs
and whatnot and put yourself back together.
Suddenly a red-skinned devil of a man with horns and a red tail saunters
up to you with a martini in one hand and a large pink inflatable hammer
that has the words "KEGELSIZER 2000" on it in the other. "Why so
glum, chum?" he inquires, and when his mouth opens a single tooth gleams
and you hear a tiny triangle sound off somewhere in the air around you.
"Hey, you'd be pretty
pissed too if you woke up and found yourself in Hell," you reply. The
Devil cocks and eyebrow and frowns. "Oh. Sorry," you spit out
sheepishly.
"Look here, son, you seem like an alright sort, so I'll give you one
shot to get out of Hell if you can figure out how to get past me, what
do ya say?"
"You've got a deal, asshat!" you say boldly.
You decide to:
Kick the Devil in the nuts and run like hell.
Challenge the Devil to a game of chance, winner takes your soul.
Offer to go back up and corrupt the children in exchange for your life.
Find a goat real quick to sacrifice.
You try clicking, I mean
choosing one of these four options that
spring to mind (because let's face it, you're not that clever, and four
is really all you can come up with), but nothing happens. You try to
move, but you're stuck in place. "What gives, man? You said I had one
chance!" you complain.
"Yeah, but I'm the Devil, and this is Hell, genius. I lied," he says,
and sticks the inflatable hammer up your urethra.
