"A dinette set!?!?
OH MY FUCKING GOD IN A FUCKFEST! IT IS A DINETTE SET!!!!" you
scream with more glee than anybody ever should about a dinette set.
Everybody - Pat, Vanna, and the audience - shakes their heads at you in
disgusted pity. But those looks just bounce right off of you, you're
completely unfazed. Why? Because you just got yourself a dinette set,
something you've always wanted.
They send you home and
you pace around your empty house for days, waiting for that prize
delivery truck to finally arrive. You can't eat, you can't sleep, all
you can think about is that dinette set. Just when you think you can't
stand to wait another minute, you hear the truck pull up. They drop off
the dinette set, and sure enough, it's exactly like you remembered it. "FABULOUSSSS!!"
You sit on the floor
and just stare at it. For days you stare at it with such a menacing
smile, you'd think somebody secretly slipped you a dosage of Smilex.
Soon, however, that big smile turns to a frown. And with the frown comes
the tears. And why are you looking like Niagara Falls? Because you came
to the realization that your entire life has been built around such
trite, materialistic horseshit that you've never even bothered to make
any friends. Who the hell are you going to invite to sit at this dinette
set with you? Nobody, that's who. And you know something? I can't think
of a more justified demise for a pedestrian chump such as yourself.
