No sense standing
around here. You should call yourself a cab. You head back outside to
hail one, but Retarded Mickey asks you what you're doing. You try to
explain that you're getting a cab so you don't have to walk to the
hotel, but Mickey counters that you don't need to get a cab until after
you arrived on the island. You dismiss his reasoning as the ramblings of
a fool and continue hailing. Mickey asks you if you'd like some
Dramamine for the flight, and remembering that you get airsick just from
thinking about the shapes of clouds, you agree. When you next open your
mouth to yell, "taxi," Mickey stuffs a fistful of the pills down your
throat, and hauls your unconscious body onto the plane. At first, the
flight attendants are concerned about this, but he explains that you are
just his carryon luggage, and the two of you embark on a long,
uneventful plane ride.
You arrive at Paradise Island a bit stiff, but then again, who wouldn't
be stiff after spending five hours tucked in the overhead compartment?
In any case, it's finally time for you to show off your cab-hailing
skills to that big idiot, Mickey. You step up to the curb, hold your
hand out, and yell "taxi!" At that moment, however, you have a flashback
to your high school days. During a lecture, your history teacher slipped
into one of his notorious hangover tangents. Luckily, this one was in no
way related to his most recent spat with his wife, nor was it a
soliloquy about how poorly the school pays him. Instead, he explained
that in foreign countries, expressions and gestures that we take for
granted can mean vastly different things. Then he flipped the entire
class off, but you think he was just trying to illustrate his point. He
was a very enigmatic figure. You start to remember more, but it's hardly
relevant to the story, and people are starting to stare.
Better to start blending in with the locals now, you think to yourself.
That way, the cab driver won't try to rip you off. Since the typical
cab-calling gesture might be offensive to the natives, you instead raise
your middle finger and start shooting "whoop whoop whoop!" Unfortunately
for you, the approaching cab driver is of mixed Paradise Island/Italian
descent (an Italian Paradisian, or as the natives say, a "Bird of
Paradise"), and he thinks you said, "wop wop wop." He puts the pedal to
the metal and jumps the curb, flattening you before you can change from
an upraised middle finger to an Italian salute.
