"Fish?" What the hell
is that supposed to mean? Does Fjornok mean that you should "go fish,"
and draw another card? Does he want you to "fish" around in your pocket
for more change? Is he reminding you that the plural of "fish" is
"fish?" It's all very magical and mysterious, but you decide to end all
that by asking Fjornok just what it is that your card is supposed to
mean.
"DAMMIT, I SHOW YOU THE FUTURE! I DON'T EXPLAIN IT!! THAT'S A WHOLE
‘NOTHER DEPARTMENT!!!"
With that, Fjornok waves his hand, and you fully expect to be hurled
backwards by magical energy. Instead, he is merely waving his funk over
to you, and the smell is enough to convince you to leave the bathroom of
your own accord.
That was a lucky break, you decide. After all, you could have easily
been killed by that crazed sideshow attraction. You head back to your
seat as you mull over what sort of doom would have awaited you if you
had chosen one of the other three cards. Whatever it was, it couldn't
have been much worse than having to go back and sit with Lithgow and
Shatner. As you settle in between them once more, you start to wonder if
you could run back to the bathroom and maybe draw a card that would
promise relief from all this, like a plane crash or something.
The hours go by slowly, as you are constantly slapping Shatner's hand
away. Around slap number 241, the flight attendant comes by with your
complimentary dinner. She starts with Lithgow, asking him, "chicken or
fish?" Of course! This is what that nut Fjornok was getting at with that
card of his. Fish is your destiny! You much prefer the taste of chicken
to fish, but better to not offend the gods of fate by going against your
card. You smile confidently and when your turn comes, you declare that
you'll be having the fish. Ah, destiny.
Hmm, you were expecting
something a little ritzier than just fish sticks. Still, these are
probably the food of your destiny anyway, and you dig in. As you bite
into the first one, you are astonished. You never would have believed
before now that anyone could have removed all the taste from a piece of
food. You continue eating, constantly reminding yourself that this has
all been preordained. At one point, Shatner becomes dissatisfied with
his chicken dinner, and asks if he can try one of your fish sticks. You
give him a long explanation about how eating the fish sticks is not your
choice to make. Unfortunately, your mouth is full and Shatner just
stares at you blankly. You issue a deep sigh, and in the process, some
half-chewed fish gets caught in your throat.
You motion for Shatner to give you the Heimlich Maneuver, but he just
continues to stare blankly. You turn to Lithgow for help, but he's run
off to the bathroom to expel his recently consumed chicken dinner. You
leave your seat and try to ask the flight attendant for help, but your
strangled gasps for air sound an awful lot like Arabic to her. She
screams, "a terrorist!" and knees you in the groin. You try to protest,
but soon, the rest of the flight attendants have dogpiled on you, and
their combined weight helps to speed along your choking. After making an
emergency landing, airport security arrives and drags your lifeless body
off the plane, amidst cheering from the other passengers.
