You need to search the
wreckage of the plane. There may be survivors. And dead people with
intact wallets. It's a terrible scene. Charred body parts, burning
luggage, twisted metal, chunks of Jonathan Lithgow and Retarded Mickey
and a huge monotone pile of what you guess is William Shatner's ass…
Oh! The Humanity! You think, and just then there's a massive explosion.
Looking up, you see a
huge zeppelin burst into flame, which is odd since no one travels by
zeppelin anymore. Burning people are falling out of the sky, it's too
horrible, you can't look, you turn your eyes out to sea…
Where a massive ocean liner has struck an iceberg. An iceberg in
tropical waters. That's not tragic, it's whacky. Confused, you trudge
down the lonely beach and in short order arrive at the partially buried
remains of the statue of liberty.
"Wait a sec now, just
wait a fling-flang second! That's not even a real disaster; it's the
last scene from "Planet of the Apes"! You shout.
"The first version wasn't a disaster, but the Tim Burton version was. I
expect better outta that guy. ‘Course, the same could be said of my
first and second pictures" says a gravelly voice behind you.
"Snake Plissken!"
you
shout, "I thought you were dead."
"I'm not," he says. "You are. Or at least you will be in about two
seconds."
"Hanh?" You quip sardonically.
"You're still on the plane. You never got out and it's about to crash.
This is all a series of stress hallucinations you're having in the
instant before death."
"Oh! Oh, I get it!" You say, getting it. "As long as I keep
hallucinating and don't snap out it, even though I only have seconds to
live, it will seem like an eternity."
"Whatever" says Snake, opening his jacket to reveal a nice set of huge
boobs barely contained by a frilly, lace wonderbra as he saunters
towards you.
