"While the thought of
WW hog-tying you with her magic lasso has its plus side, everyone knows
it makes you tell the truth. So why not just cut to the chase and tell
the woman what she wants to know. I mean, why not, it's not a state
secret.
"The plane is just a run of the mill commercial plane crash. It was on
it's way to Paradise Island, but I'm gonna guess the pilot screwed up
since you Amazons are not known for full service hotels featuring
private beach, jet ski lessons and complimentary welcome beverage but
are more known for militarism, philosophy and lesbian sex. I won an all
expense paid trip and got off the plane in the nick of time through a
mystical toilet portal."
"Oh." Says the statuesque warrior woman, "Well-"
Trouble is, telling the truth loosens your tongue better than anything
this side of nip bottles of tequila, which you had several of before you
unconventional deplaning.
"I hate my job," You tell her. "I told people I saw "The English
Patient" but I never did. Sometimes in the morning, I only wash my hair
and pretend I took a shower. If I'm not dating, I wear the same
underwear for days on end. I have a lot of hair on my ass."
"Uh-huh." the daughter of Hippolyta mumbles, "Sure, Swell. Listen-"
"I find it disappointing that during the 1940's you appeared in chains
at least once an issue and now one has to go to a specialty web site to
see you in chains,"
You continue, on a roll now.
"An invisible plane is
a stupid idea, as you yourself are not invisible and you can fly and
aren't you afraid someone will move it after you land and you'll never
find it again? Steve Trevor is Gay. How can you not know that?"
"That's enough!"
"That version of your costume is unflattering to your boobs. Your Diana
Prince boobs are better, and your Lynda Carter boobs surpass both your
other boobs in terms of shape, heft and overall aesthetic appeal."
"STOP IT!" hollers the really tall super heroine. "See, now, this
is why I generally don't use the lasso and it's nowhere even near you,
so SHUT YOUR YAP!"
"I LIKE MEATBALLS!" you scream pathologically. "I'LL EAT
ANYTHING WITH MEATBALLS! WHEN I WAS TWELVE I IMAGINED MY HAMSTER WAS
LIFE SIZED AND ENTERTAINED IMPROPER THOUGHTS ABOUT HER, BUT IT WAS JUST
THE ONE TIME AND I FELT REALLY BAD ABOUT IT AND THEN WHEN I FORGOT TO
GIVE HER WATER FOR A WEEK AND SHE DIED I FELT SO GUILTY I THREW UP!!"
Wonder Woman looks
around to make sure there are no witnesses, tosses a loop of magic truth
telling lasso over your head and then tightens it ‘till you noggin pops
off.
