Please don't feed PickleMan
Please don't feed PickleMan
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"YOU!" you shout, shouldering the mayor to one side and pointing into the crowd of townspeople gathered on the edge of the crop circle, "Mel Gibson! What are you doing here? What do you know about all this? What happened to the Mothership?"

"Mel Gibson!" Mutters the crowd the way a group of people present but not central to the plot often will. "Mel Gibson, look, look, it's Mel Gibson, hubbub hubbub, rhubarb, rhubarb!"

"HOOP-EE-DOO!" Mel hollers, his eyes popping wide like a couple of pop n' fresh Pillsbury rolls with pupils, his shorter than you'd imagined body bouncing at least a feet into the air, his legs bicycling madly. Knowing that as soon as his madly pinwheeling feet touch the ground he'll be off in cloud of dust, you begin to push through the useless, mumbling crowd, but it's already too late!

"HINK-A DINK-A-DEE!!" The dipsomaniacal director/actor shrieks, and he's off like a shot toward the woods with you in hot pursuit!

"Get away from me you Christ Killing Jew bastard!" the star of the mega hit Lethal Weapon franchise yells anti-Semitically. "WhoooOOOOP-AH! WHOOOOP-AHHH! DING DING DING DING DING! I'M A FIRETRUCK ON BOOZE!"

You're fast, but Gibson is a hooch fired blur. You push harder than ever and gain a little ground.

"AAAAGH! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Mel wails forlornly, "I don't have any pennies for you, you soulless baby blood drink sheenie kike HEBE!"


You lose site of him for a second as he rounds a corner onto a path in the woods, but there he is, standing real stiff and tall in his Braveheart costume. Okay, then, if that's the way Mr. Bigshot Hollywood Jew-hater wants to play it! You run full out straight into him, and instead of the bone crunching thud you expected you fly right through him as if he was made of... cardboard!

Wait... he IS made of cardboard. It's a Mel Gibson in Braveheart lifesize stand-up, laying on the ground. It's a trap! You look around and realize you're in a cage! And there's all sorts of crazy ass looking creatures with all eye stalks and antennae and shit staring at you! You're a human exhibit... IN AN ALIEN Z00!!!


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