I-Mockery
Please don't feed PickleMan
Please don't feed PickleMan
About Us Store Advertising Contact New to I-Mockery? Register an account and join in the pickled fun! New to I-Mockery? Register an account and join in the pickled fun!

SELECT YOUR DESTINY BOOK #7 - ALIEN INVASION!


You know what this situation needs? A touch of child-like delight, a sprinkling of imagination, and a little bit of magic. With that in mind, you skip merrily over to the floor lamp with rubbing on your mind. Granted, you bought the lamp at Sam's Club a year ago, but why should that prevent it from being a magical lamp, huh? Even genies have to modernize every now and then, and it does say "made in Yemen" on the base…

You won't able to get much of a rub on this thing due to your size, but from what you know about genies, you're guessing that they aren't real picky about the rubbings that their lamps get. You think about start doing a nice up-and-down rub along the shaft of the lamp, but something about that last thought makes you feel weird and uncomfortable, so you settle on just a single rub all the way around the base. About halfway around the base, however, the friction becomes so great that your hands start to blister. Fortunately, the pain in your hands is offset by the sight of a genie coalescing from the smoke you worked up.

This genie was also made in Yemen by a man named "Habib"

"Lo and behold, mortal! I am the discount store djinni, and I see that you have freed me from my lowly brass prison. For this, I shall grant you three wishes, but choose wisely! The gift of a wish is not something to be taken lightly, nor is it to be squandered through careless-"

"I wish I was big again!" you shout.

"Very well, it shall be so." The genie claps his hands twice as you turn your thoughts ahead to resuming your experiments and getting to the bottom of the alien plot. To your surprise, however, you find that you are no taller than before, but your waistline has nearly tripled. You can make no sense of it until you spot the genie quietly chuckling at his handiwork. Now it all makes sense: you said you wanted to be "big again," and so he gave you back the weight you had in high school. Funny. Perhaps your final wish will involve a certain genie getting crammed in a septic tank full of night crawlers and fire ants.

"Alright then, I wish I were taller."

"Granted," he declares, clapping his hands once again. When your view shifts upwards by about two inches, you understand your error. Well, one last shot at this. Still, you're confident that you have it nailed with this last wish:

"Dammit, I wish I were normal-sized!"

The genie smiles and rolls his eyes. Two claps later, you see that you are indeed normal sized. A normal-sized beagle!

Beagle rhymes with Deagle. And Ms. Deagle got killed in the Gremlins movie. Deagle deagle deagle!

You've now decided that you hate genies. Well at least things can't get any worse, you think reassuringly. However, curiosity draws your colorblind eyes to your new crotch, and you see that things are even worse than you thought. You wanted to fix yourself, but this is certainly not what you meant.

START OVER BEFORE I RUB YOUR NOSE IN IT!!!


help support I-Mockery by supporting our sponsors: