Time to get out of this
dicey situation. Of course, it would take hours for you to get out of
here on your own two feet. What you really need is a few more pairs of
feet. It's finally time for your home's roach population to start
earning its keep.
Finding one is definitely not a problem. There's still a cluster of them
devouring the bear claw you dropped earlier. Yes, there are many
fine-looking fillies to choose from. You pick out a sturdy roach and
begin devising how you're going to train it. Luckily, you're able to
secure some reins from some spilt ramen noodles, and a tangerine peel
makes for a fine saddle. You vow never to pick up after yourself again
as you tie yourself safely onto the roach.
The roach is
surprisingly complacent. Once you've gotten yourself firmly positioned
just behind the roach's head, you give the reins a tug to the right, and
sure enough, the roach turns that way. With a tug to the left, the roach
turns left. What progress, and so quickly! There's just one test left:
you give the reins a firm shake, and the roach bolts forward. The
experience is exhilarating, with the wind in your hair and the
chittering of the roach's feet behind you. You cut your fun short,
however, when you hear a noise in the distance. It sounds like it's
coming from the kitchen! You turn the roach around and head towards the
source of the noise, with a hearty, "Hiyo Silverfish, away!"
You discover the source of the noise as soon as you cross the threshold
into the kitchen. Prowlers! At this hour? Curses. Your anti-theft system
of turning out all the lights to convince burglars that you're too poor
to afford electricity has failed. Well, you'll have to deal with them
later. Right now, you need to let the townspeople know of the alien
conspiracy. You tug lightly on the reins, and the roach cautious moves
across the floor toward the exit.
"Hey, what's that?"
"Ew, it looks like a roach."
"Wanna see something funny? Turn on the lights real quick."
That can't be good. The
second burglar flicks on the lights, and your mount makes a beeline for
the refrigerator. Hey, that's ironic, you think to yourself.
Unfortunately, this thought distracts you from your present problem,
namely that the underside of the refrigerator only has enough clearance
for the roach. You slam into the door as the roach scitters underneath.
"Ugh, it left something
behind."
"Looks like a baby roach. Well don't just stand there. Smash it."
The burglar's shoe
comes down quickly. Well, the joke's on them. Your house doesn't contain
anything worth more than $30.
