Flying's too expensive, and moving your legs is for chumps. Best to let someone else do the driving for you. After all, you're not sure how long your license was suspended for, but you're pretty sure it was a long while. You flip open the phone book, call up a cab, and wait.

You imagine how you're going to spend your new fortune once you pry it from your great uncle's cold dead hands. You manage to clear the dollar signs from your eyes just as your cab arrives.

"Where to, buddy?"

The driver looks familiar. "Hey, aren't you..."

"Yeah, the name's Buster Poindexter, and I'll be your driver. Now where do you want to go?"

"But you kind of look like that ghost who shows people their previous Christmases."

"Look, I don't do that in October, buddy. You wanna make fun of my career choices some more, or you wanna go some place?"

He seems a bit prickly. Best you keep conversation to a minimum. You give him the address to your Great Uncle's place.

"Yeah, I know the way. First, though, let's take a trip through your past, see if we can dig up anything interesting."

You are about to object when the cab suddenly plows into a thick fog bank. A moment later, you and the driver are looking down on what appears to be yourself as a child.

"Man, you were an ugly kid, huh? Guess some things never change! Ha ha!!"

You're not sure what to make of this scene. It's just you sitting on the couch watching TV. It doesn't appear to be a significant or formative part of your life at all. You ask the driver why he's showing you this.

"Whaddya mean? It's you watching TV! Means you were gonna watch it a lot... and, you know... be a lazy piece'a crap and all."

This is starting to get confusing. Suddenly, another fog bank rolls over you. When it clears, you see yourself in the waiting room of the dentist's office. You give the driver a confused look.

"Well, your teeth are bad, you know. It's like... Alright look, I'll level with you: my powers don't work so good when it ain't Christmas, ok? Let's just get back in the cab and I'll try and find something good for the next trip."

You shake your head no. You've had enough of this nonsense. You just want to get to your Great Uncle's place and collect your inheritance. The driver shrugs before hopping into his cab and driving away into yet another fog bank.

Now you're alone again. There's just one problem: No one can see or touch you. At first, this is great news. Now you can be your own shower cam! Eventually, even that becomes tiresome. You look around for more time-traveling taxis, and you dive into every inch of fog you come across, but you're still stuck in the past.

In the end, you resign yourself to your fate. You decide to spend the rest of your days following the young you around, documenting your activities and trying to figure out where your life went so horribly wrong. You find the answer, but sadly, your last pen runs out of ink before you can right it down. So close!

FORGET THE PAST, I SEE STARTING OVER IN YOUR FUTURE!!!