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Dead Heat!
by: Dr. Boogie

...CONTINUED

Roger, meanwhile, is engaging in a little apologetic flirting of his own with Randi, when gunshots ring out from the back. The guard, who is once again staring into his dirty magazine, springs into action and does what any security guard would do in that situation: he shoots at Roger. I don't get it; did the evil corporation employ this guy just to be incompetent and shoot at the police? Whatever the case, his role in movie is over, as Roger blows him away and goes to help Doug.

And boy does he need help. Punching and kicking don't work at all against the creature, and even a few gunshots don't seem to be slowing it down at all. Still, they give it their all, fighting as well as they can without the aid of a fight choreographer. Unfortunately, it's not enough to keep Roger from getting knocked into the Asphyxiation Room.

To make matters worse, Doug gets slammed into the button that locks the door. The bad news just keeps coming when a mysterious gloved hand is shown activating the room's vacuum pumps. Looks like it's up to Doug to get him out before he suffocates.

Too bad he's busy pounding the creature's head in with a fire extinguisher. He finally beats the creature into the ground and goes to check on his trapped partner. The door button is jammed, and there's no emergency shutoff to be found. Man, OSHA would have a field day in this place. Doug tries his best to break the glass with his elbow, having discarded both the fire extinguisher and his gun, but it won't give.

Incredibly, the perverted guard from before (who is NOT a zombie) has decided to shake off his gunshot wound, stagger into the back, and start taking pot shots at Doug. Doug in turn dives for his gun and gives the guard two more gunshot wounds to think about. With the guard finally out of the picture, Doug returns to elbowing the glass. Shoot a hole in the glass with his gun? No, he dropped it again. Well, Roger can hold his breath for a while, right?


Wrong.

Later, the rest of the police force shows up to inspect what is likely to be a major scandal for Dante Pharmaceuticals: one dead guard, one dead cop, and a dead humanoid creature. That can't be good for the company stocks. Rebecca shows up too, and Doug has to break the bad news to her. She's too distraught over Roger's death to ask why the company has a room designed for killing things, or why there's some sort of dead monster in the hall. At this point, I half expected them to just leave the building and not ever mention the machine in the backroom again. To his credit, Doug actually remembered that there was such a machine in the back, and since that weird creature came from it, perhaps it has something to do with the case.

On the other hand, Rebecca is the one who deduces that the machine must be how the company is creating zombies that go out and commit daring daylight robberies. She even manages to get the machine up and running. The machine then asks for the name of the deceased, and so she puts in Roger's name. Amazingly, the computer is able to give Roger's time and cause of death, even though that information hasn't been gathered by anyone. It then states, "position body on table," and Rebecca gets another great idea.

Now, a machine that can restore life to the dead is bound to be very complex, perhaps even requiring multiple operators to perform well. Thankfully, the Dante Pharmaceuticals Resurrection Machine is the top of the line when it comes to life restoration. All the important functions have been routed to a single console, and the process itself is so simple that even a woman who's never even seen such a machine before can resurrect her secret crush with no complications. Behold!


"Hi guys."

Wee, Treat Williams is back! Now Joe Piscopo doesn't have to carry the whole film. I think we can all be thankful for that. Roger doesn't remember much about the whole dying thing. He says he feels great, though. Rebecca begs to differ, as she finds that newly-resurrected Roger has no heartbeat. The eternal skeptic Dr. MacNab arrives on the scene and, while surprised to see the reportedly dead detective alive again, is not willing to admit that Roger doesn't have a heartbeat. He listens for himself and declares, "he's faking it."

Things get weirder when Roger spazzes out and accidentally smashes a beaker, getting a nasty cut on his wrist in the process.

Sadly, MacNab has already left the room, so there's no half-assed explanation for the blinking lights in Roger's blood.

So Roger is now the living dead. It could be worse. He still feels like a million bucks, and he doesn't look too back for a dead guy. Unfortunately, Rebecca has more bad news for him.


"I'm dead, Rebecca. How much worse can it get?"

Something about the way he said that last line in such a matter-of-fact sort of way made me laugh. Anyway, not only has Rebecca learned how to operate the resurrection machine, but in the time it took Roger and Doug to walk back out to the reception area, she learned how to interpret data from the machine. She tells Roger that his resurrection is only temporary, and that he has between ten and twelve hours before his body completely decomposes.

No time to waste, then. He and Doug take off to find his killer before he regresses into stew. Unfortunately, Roger starts to show the symptoms of Sudden Decomposition Syndrome (SDS) not long after leaving Dante Pharmaceuticals.

Roger's lips are starting to look a little less ruby. Time to grab some makeup. There's no time for him to go to the lab with Rebecca to get some tests done, but he's still making side trips to maintain his appearance. Way to stay focused, Roger. Doug lisps that Roger's choice of lipstick "brings out your eyes," and all Roger can do is pout:

Getting back to the story, they'll need to find someone who knows about the resurrection machine. Unfortunately, they don't know anyone like that, so they go to see Randi instead.

They find her about to skip town. She denies it and claims to know nothing about what happened earlier. She's the head of PR, she should at least know how to put a positive spin on a machine that's turning out zombie criminals. She asks Roger about the lipstick, and he wipes it off, thus rendering the "going to the drugstore to pick up lipstick" scene pointless.

Back inside her place, Roger and Doug try to squeeze some more information out of her, but she refuses to crack. Doug finally resorts to digging through her luggage, and finds a tape. A clue, perhaps?

Gasp! What's Vincent Price doing in this movie? Now I know something foul is afoot. But the mystery must be put on hold.

Find out what happens next on
Page 3 of the Dead Heat feature!

Reader Comments

Funky Dynamite
Jun 20th, 2008, 02:26 PM
Another shitty movie feature written by a total hack! I remember when this website used to be funny.
Snow Fiend
Sep 5th, 2008, 01:01 PM
I have to see this movie.
Horror-mad Englishwoman
Oct 31st, 2008, 01:31 PM
What's with the name "Loudermilk"?
Bobcat Goldthwaite's character has the same name in 'Scrooged' - a running joke perhaps? Is there any other link between these two films?
Member
Nov 7th, 2008, 02:04 AM
@ bluegrasslass
The only other connection I can find is that both were released in 1988...
The Medium-Height Man
Oct 28th, 2011, 04:35 PM
Hey, I like the hell out of this movie. The effects are damn good, if nothing else. Also, I can stand Piscopo. He was pretty funny back in the ol' SNL days and was also pretty good in Wise Guys with Danny DeVito and the legendary "Captain" Lou Albano.
Member
Oct 30th, 2011, 06:13 PM
Just came out on Blu-Ray recently, unfortunately none of the special features from the DVD!

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