...CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1
So there we were... the last two non-captives standing face to face. For a while we had a staring contest, but when Jaeger realized that I was wearing goggles and couldn't tell if I was cheating or not, he decided to move on to grunts. After 15 minutes of grunts and flatulence, we arrived to the conclusion that a hostage exchange would be best. So we each went into our bases and brought our hostages over to the neutral ground.
Once Jaeger started to drag out Messiah, I began to undo Protoclown's restraints. Foolishly, I hadn't disarmed his laser gauntlets and he blasted me directly in the face with them! If it hadn't been for my protective goggles, my face would have been nothing more than a melted pile of flesh!
"I'm bliiiiiiiiiiind!" I screamed, which luckily made Military Messiah panic, jump up, and knock Jaeger on his ass. Protoclown dived back into his base along with Jaeger as I tried to lead Military Messiah back up the stairs as my eyesight slowly restored.
Still having the sack over his head, Military Messiah turned the wrong way when he reached the top of the stairs. Instead of heading safely back into our base, he went into a nearby bathroom. I had heard rumors about an evil that lurked within that area, but never before had I dared to face it. Now I had no choice.
The rumors I had heard were obviously true, for this was no ordinary bathroom...
I may have had a large rock in my hand, but I feared it would be useless against whatever evil lurked within this bathroom battleground. The warnings on the shower curtain alone sent chills down our spines.
Dear god, what had we stumbled into? Military Messiah and I gazed in horror upon the warnings which read: "Keep Out!", "No Boys Allowed!", "I'll boogie man your mom if you so much as even look at my fort you smelly turd!!", "Go Back! If You Dare!", and "Viper Activated!" Although we were pretty sure we were "men" and not "boys", we didn't think the evil within would listen to our reasoning. Also, the "Go Back! If You Dare!" sign had us very confused. Did this mean we should stay!? Furthermore, if this bathroom did indeed have a Viper security system, there was no way we could get through undetected. As if the signs weren't horrific enough, there was more to be found...
We found not one, but THREE bottles of Del Monte Ketchup on the edge of the tub. What evil creature would use Ketchup instead of shampoo? Or did the ketchup have some other sinister purpose? We slowly moved the shower curtain aside only to discover photographs of "hot babes" and "feet". HOT BABES AND FEET!!!
WHAT DID IT ALL MEAN!?!?
Just then, out from behind the unexplored portion of the shower, jumped out a psycho woman... armed with a giant metal claw thing that looked like it came straight out of "The Maxx". I dropped my rock, our only weapon, in fear as she started hacking away in our direction. Our legs lost all feeling and we tried crawling out of the bathroom as I continued to write in my journal instead of defending myself and...$!#~*@#%**^#*~
Protoclown's War Journal - Entry #204:
We decided it would be a good idea to investigate... and arrived to find our former archrivals dead! With no apparent rhyme or reason behind their killing, and not a clue to be found. But we did notice that their bodies had spilled out of a previously unknown chamber of mysteries and secrets. There was even a toilet in there! My fearless partner and I boldly wandered in without any care for what might have killed those bumbling fools. Caution is for sissies!
What we encountered we were hardly prepared for... another surprise fort! But who could be behind such a strange structure? And those bizarre signs, whoever put this together was clearly not a typical pillow & sheets fort-builder.
We were guessing at the origins of this newfound fort when all of a sudden we were attacked by a new contender, and my brains were gushing out of my head before I even had a chance to ponder how I could possibly have written this entry after I was already dead.
Shower Dweller's War Journal - Entry #1:
PILLOW & SHEET FORT ACTION HERO FILE CARDS!
Running a big site like I-Mockery takes a lot o' time and costs moola