Features

I-Mockery's Ultimate Guide To The Halloween Candies Of 2009
by: -RoG-

...CONTINUED

Creepy Candy Finger With Dipping Powder

I've always liked the concept of dipping candies, and back in the day, I ate way more packages of "Fun Dip" than any kid should have. So when I saw this new "Creepy Candy Finger with Dipping Powder" package, it caught my attention right away and I had to try it out. The zombie green finger with stylish red nail polish (Maybe she died with it... maybe it's Maybelline!) is definitely nice to look at and has a pretty decent green apple flavor on its own. The orange dipping powder, however, is a huuuuuge letdown. This stuff tastes like Clorox. I haven't tasted Clorox before, but I imagine this is pretty close to what it would taste like. So yeah, zombie finger good, dipping powder extremely bad. My suggestion is to buy this for the zombie finger and they buy a pack of Fun Dip and then combine the two for the ultimate Halloween treat. Huzzah!

out of 5 Counts (ah-ah-ah!)

Russell Stover Chocolate Marshmallow Ghost

Now this is one of those things that always annoys me. They make the packaging look all Halloweeny, but once you open it up, it's just your average piece o' candy. A note to all candy companies: if you're going to take the time to change the packaging design, at least make the shape of the actual product something more seasonal as well.

out of 5 maggots

Palmer Double Crisp Pumpkin

Yes sir, I like it. It's basically just like a Nestle Crisp chocolate bar, only in pumpkin form. They added in some white chocolate on top to give the face a bit more color and character. My only complaint is that it's not quite as crispy as a Nestle Crisp bar, which of course, is the best part of the thing. Other than that though, a solid chocolaty Halloween effort here.

out of 5 Mummies

Cherry Liquid Filled Gummy Skulls

I had to try these generic Gummy Skulls from CVS simply because they were filled with cherry-flavored blood. What I didn't expect was to be hit by the virtual wall of of sweetness that smacked me right in the face upon opening the bag. It's a great scent and even more surprising, for a generic bag of Halloween candy, these things are tasty as hell. As soon as you bite into the gummy skulls, the cherry blood shoots out into your mouth and it does not disappoint. So yeah, this is a perfect example of the old adage "don't just a book by its cover" proven to be true. They may look like crappy generic brand candies, but trust me when I say much deliciousness resides within.

out of 5 Mothras

Life Savers Halloween Gummies

Life Savers definitely steps it up for Halloween with their gummy treats. Instead of just redesigning the package to be more festive, they've created not one, but three different sets of molds for you to munch on. Mummies, spiders and spooky shapes can all be found in the individual treat packages. And yes, they're just as tasty as ever, but compared the the Gummy Skulls with cherry blood inside that I just reviewed, these Life Savers just can't compete. Still, a fine treat for anybody, but if you have access to a CVS, I'd check for those gummy skulls first. Or buy both and give the Life Savers to the trick-or-treaters while saving the skulls for yourself. Then everybody wins... sort of.

out of 5 puzzle boxes

Creepy Candy Lollipops

These are the kinds of treats that it pains me to eat. Some real nice craftsmanship went into them and I love the designs of each one, especially since Dracula's fangs almost appear to be coming out of his nose. If those are indeed fangs... they are black after all. Flavor-wise, they're alright, but definitely not good enough where you won't regret eating them instead of using them as part of your Halloween decorations at home. Still, if you're dead set on eating them, I'd recommend trying the vanilla-flavored mummy. Them old bandages are fairly palatable.

out of 5 Creatures from the Black Lagoon

Candy Rings

If you're into candy necklaces, then I'm sure you'll like these Halloween candy eyeball and skull rings, because they're made of the exact same stuff. While not as good as Ring Pops, they're still tasty, and come with a resealable plastic package. As far as the design of the rings go themselves, you can tell that these aren't nice as some of the other ones on the market. So, if one of your primary reasons for buying candy rings is being able to wear nice looking ones, I'd suggest shopping elsewhere, especially since the ring part is also made of candy and can easily break if you try to slip it onto your finger.

out of 5 black widow spiders

Monster Hunt

Now here's something different: an Easter egg hunt for Halloween! I like this a lot. For the longest time, Christmas has been invading Halloween's holiday territory every year - why, just this past week, my local Target was already tearing down half of their Halloween stuff so they could start setting up their Christmas goods. Halloween isn't over and they're already tearing down!? There's just no excuse for that kind of crap.

Well this new Monster Hunt eggs game is a great start for Halloween to invade a different holiday; in this case, Easter. The monster eggs themselves are highly colorful, wide-eyed, buck-toothed and perfect for just about any Halloween party. The skull and pumpkin candies found within are the exact same ones found in those Candy Beakers, so no complaints there, but it would be nice if they had a variety of different candies in each egg. Then again, they're supplying you with the monster eggs, so there's nothing stopping you from putting whatever you want in them.

I should also mention that there's also an "Eyeball Hunt" pack available, and on a recent episode of Doc Mock's Movie Mausoleum we even had Licky go on a hunt for eyeballs on a recent episode of Doc Mock's Movie Mausoleum. Click here to watch the clip of Licky's Eyeball Hunt!

out of 5 leaf piles

Fear Factor
Slimy Gummy Octopus Swimming In Sour Ooze

Good god! This is without a doubt, the nastiest looking Halloween candy product I've ever seen! I'm not even sure it can qualify as candy because merely looking at it makes my stomach turn sour. It's a bag of slime with octopus bits in it. Let me say that again in all caps to make sure that sunk in: A BAG OF SLIME WITH OCTOPUS BITS IN IT!

What's nice is they made the bag resealable... you know, for those of you who somehow can't finish off your BAG OF SLIME in one sitting. These definitely win the award for grossest candy of the year... if not the decade.

I'm scoring this one not on flavor, but for its inherent ability to make just about anybody wince when they see and smell it. Because, let's face it, if a candy can actually scare a person more than your average horror movie, that's an impressive Halloween feat by any standards.

out of 5 Audrey II plants

Revenge Of The Giant Earthworm,
Return of the Giant Tentacle &
Attack of the Giant Centipede
Monster Gummies!


[click here to enlarge]

Look at 'em! LOOK AT THEM! These, my friends, are a thing of absolute beauty! I put a quarter at the bottom of the picture just so you can see the scale of how huge these gummies really are. Flix has truly outdone themselves this time. Don't even try to find a better looking Halloween candy this season, because it's not going to happen. These are easily the most artistic Halloween candies you'll see this year. The giant gummy earthworm could surely be put on a hook & line, tossed in a lake and catch you the legendary fish that all the local fishermen tell tall tales about how it got away. The centipede is so detailed with all of those tiny individual gummy legs to help it crawl right down into your gullet. And the tentacle... oh the tentacle. It's giving me flashbacks to the glory days of "Day of the Tentacle" gaming. I think I'm in love with all three of these. These candies shouldn't be devoured... they should be framed and hung above your mantle for everybody to gape in awe at.

out of 5 jack-o-lanterns

So that does it for our my Ultimate Guide to the Halloween Candies of 2009. There didn't seem to be as many new products on the market this season, but the new stuff that was released did seem to have more variety than usual, so I think that's a fair trade-off. As always, I must remind you that many of the candies I reviewed last year are back in stores again for this season, so be sure to keep an eye out for them as well. If you happen to spot any candies that I haven't covered yet, drop me a line and let me know so I can try to track 'em down before Halloween rolls around next year. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find away to come down from this sugar high before my heart bursts right out of my chest and runs a marathon.

Have any questions or comments about this piece?
Email -RoG-

 

Reader Comments

Forum Virgin
Oct 29th, 2009, 08:27 AM
I had the same reaction to the Revenge of the Giant Tentacle gummi. They were selling them a haunted apple orchard and I completely marked out for them. Couldn't buy one though, I was out of cash at that point.

Do they taste as good as they look or are they still in the packaging being worshiped?
Forum Virgin
Oct 29th, 2009, 11:59 AM
the sweet tart squeezes are available year round in gas stations only they don't have the blood in their name.
Forum Virgin
Oct 29th, 2009, 12:41 PM
I too noticed that there are hardly any new candies this year. And what there is, is simply repackaged stuff from last year. Damn economy.
Punk Rock Hamster
Oct 29th, 2009, 01:15 PM
Wonka sells a shocktarts version of the sweetarts squeez, in a really yummy lemon flavor, too. The dollar store here sells both, 2 for a buck, yay, cavaties! Also I'm from Maryland, and very disappointed that we can't make a decent Halloween candy, I'm writing my Congressman. One last note, my daughter sprained her middle finger last night, and went to school with a splint on it today, so I'm just waiting for the calls about her making that gummy hand gesture in class to start pouring in. Great list, as always, RoG.
Forum Virgin
Oct 29th, 2009, 03:55 PM
I work at cvs and wasn't sure about the skulls but I'm going to have to pick up a bag tonight

also we have carried the cherry blood before, glad to hear its good. always look forward to these lists
Member
Oct 29th, 2009, 07:13 PM
I've never even played Day of the Tentacle, and that gummi made me think of it. I want one. Heck, I want eight, and something to put in the center to make an octopus.
I hate this hacker crap!
Oct 30th, 2009, 11:19 AM
Creepy Candy Lollipops - The dracula looks bored and it's awesome.
Forum Virgin
Oct 30th, 2009, 04:16 PM
What are the odds??!?! a gummy tentacle. A FRIGGEN TENTACLE! Where did you get that?
pickled
Oct 30th, 2009, 08:03 PM
I want to eat a giant gummy earthworm.
Member OfThe Pigmask Army
Oct 31st, 2009, 01:29 AM
What the crap!? WE'RE SAVED!
The Skeleton Blood Balls guy has jumped the shark! HE'S DEFEATED!
Member
Oct 31st, 2009, 10:23 PM
I'm chewing a giant blue raspberry tentacle as I type this.
Forum Virgin
Nov 2nd, 2009, 09:15 AM
^ Can I have some?
lurking on the walls
Nov 2nd, 2009, 02:03 PM
"day of the tentacle" as in Maniac Mansion 2? man i liked that game.... as for candy... you guys should try and get a design for i-mockery gummies for halloween or something... immagine a Doc Moc gummy head, or pickle hat gummy.... or even the Pickle Man assembly kit...
fungineer
Nov 3rd, 2009, 10:24 PM
Thanks to your recommendation, as I was out hunting for post-Halloween candy sales, I picked up some of those cherry liquid filled gummy skulls from CVS. I am delighted to say that they are in fact the bee's knees-- I might have to pick up more! Also, while I was at Walgreens, I picked up some discounted candy blood. Unlike the Sweet Tarts candy blood, this candy blood comes packaged in a small-ish blood transfusion pouch. All it says on the cardboard attached at the top is that it's made by a company called Sweet Time and that it is "Artificial Flavor Liquid Cherry Candy Blood Bag." The bag itself is made of fairly hefty plastic and says "Blood Type X" and "Candy Blood" on the front. A tube comes out the bottom (like a straw) and you have to cut the end off in order to consume the candy. They really thought this one out-- they have a plastic clip to stop the flow of candy blood in the straw so you can consume it over multiple sittings. I haven't actually opened it yet-- I'm thinking of keeping it as a prop for next time I dress up as a zombie, but I just had to see if you'd seen it/tried it before.
frappez le cochon rouge
Nov 3rd, 2009, 10:30 PM
Everything should be rated on a scale of Edgar Allan Poe.
Geek Wench
Nov 11th, 2009, 02:13 AM
I just bought a bag of the gummy skulls on clearance. I'm definitely going back for more--not only are they delicious, but they are extraordinarily detailed for cheapo CVS gummies. You can count the teeth in their evil little grins!

Can't wait to take these babies to the office...
sadomasochist
Jan 25th, 2010, 04:53 PM
i thought of "day of the tentacle" in "zombies ate my neighbors"
Nuclear Waffle
Feb 8th, 2010, 03:11 PM
I'm drooling so much at the Wonka Cherry Blood. Now if only they had raspberry...

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