by: -RoG-

...CONTINUED

Before they have the chance to discuss Christmas any further, a giant Snow Beast appears before them and is set to attack. The kids all run and hide behind their nice new friend, Skeletor who prepares to defend them. It tries blasting them with its icy breath, but it's no match for Skeletor's magic. Skeletor then blasts a hole in the ice which the Snow Beast falls through and the kids thank him for being so wonderful! It is here that we see one of the most unnatural things ever in a cartoon.

SKELETOR IS SMILING WITH JOY.

Oh he tries to resist the urge alright, but we all saw those jaw bones rearrange themselves as clear as day. We know you had some of the ol' Christmas spirit in you, even if it was just for just a split second, Skeletor!

A short time later, Skeletor and the kids come face to face with He-Man and She-Ra, but before they're able to intervene, Hordak and his henchmen show up. Skeletor tries to blast him, but Hordak reflects the blast with his shield and it knocks Skeletor unconscious.

With Skeletor out of the picture for a bit, He-Man and She-Ra have to tango with Hordak's robots. Sure, they make short work of 'em, but while they're fighting the robots, Horde Prime shows up to kidnap the children by using a comically large crane machine mechanism. Relay the robo-puppy does his best to wake Skeletor up with some more licks to his boney face and it manages to do the trick.

As he awakes, Skeletor sees the claw descending upon the children and something comes over him. "I don't know what's happening to me, but I must... save... the children!" In an act of true kindness, he blasts the crane which causes Horde Prime's ship to crash to the ground. Skeletor quickly realizes that Horde Prime is going to be very angry with him, but for the moment he's safe.

He-Man and She-Ra lift up the ship and give it a mighty chuck into outer space before Horde Prime is able to blast Skeletor to smithereens. The kids run up to Skeletor and give him a big hug and thank him for saving them. "HE saved YOU!?" He-Man asks in a state of understandable bewilderment.

"Yes... I... I... I guess I did! I wish I knew why! Ohhh... I don't think I feel well!" says Skeletor.

"Well, I think you're feeling the Christmas spirit, Skeletor. It' makes you feel... good." He-Man explains.

"Well, I don't like to feel good! I like to feel evil! Ohhhh...." he whines.

"Don't worry Skeletor, Christmas only comes once a year." She-Ra reassures him.

"Ahhh! Thank goodness!"

And on that note, they all have a good laugh as Skeletor stands there wondering what the hell just happened to him.

Now we cut back to Eternia where we see Snout Spout making good use of his talents by topping their Christmas tree with a shiny yellow star. Well, at least it's more useful than having him make a small cameo just to eat some peanuts.

While Fisto is apparently discussing the merits of tiny cupcakes with Moss Man much to Mermista's amusement, Man-At-Arms is preparing to send the kids back to their home on Earth. So Adam is dressed up as Santa Claus and my god, does he ever look wrong. I think it's primarily because his stomach looks like a big tumor, but the fact that he didn't change his bowl haircut isn't helping matters either. Before the kids are sent back to Earth, he gives them each some magical flying belts. Shit, I wish Santa would bring ME a flying belt. Normally I wouldn't let a Santa with a bowl cut and a giant tumor come within a thousand yards of my property, but if he came with the promise of flying belts? I guarantee you he'd be the guest of honor at my dinner table that night.

With the Carium water crystal all charged up, Man-At-Arms teleports the kids back home. Once again, they apparently have some hidden camera because they're able to watch the kids reunite with their parents on the big computer monitor there. Science! Upon reuniting with their parents, Miguel actually adresses them as "mother" and "father". Yeah, it's clear that this family has a really close relationship. Anyway, despite all the details the kids provide, the parents naturally don't believe their story about all the adventures they had and tell them it's time for bed. The two of them oblige, but they go to bed in style by flying right on past their parents with the aid of their special belts. The parents then break the fourth wall and turn directly to the camera with an astonished "WHAAAAAAAAAAA!?!?!?" look on their faces. Will the laughs ever cease?

Back on Eternia, Adam does his best Santa impersonation, but his ho-ho-ho's are far too nasal sounding to fool his sister. She rips his fake beard off and and now Adam looks even more disturbing in that Santa suit. So he actually bleached his hair? I gotta give Adam credit... that's dedication to the role of Santa. Creepy dedication, sure... but dedication nontheless.

And that pretty much does it for the He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special. Even if you don't see Santa Claus come Christmas Eve this year, you can at least tell your parents that you saw Skeletor smile with holiday spirit. True, they'll call you a lying son of a bitch because everybody knows Skeletor is pure evil, but that's because everybody is stupid. Everybody but you, because you know the truth. And the truth is.......... peniscopters will forever haunt your dreams. Merry Christmas.

Be sure to pick up the He-Man She-Ra Christmas Sweater over at 80sTees.com!

Have any questions or comments about this piece?
Email -RoG-