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The iRabbit... From (CR)Apple
 

It's finally here... the system you've (not) been waiting for! Yes, The iRabbit!
Basic systems starting at only $5,000!!!

We've genetically altered these rabbits with various Jellyfish genes so that they can look that much cuter, just for you! And the iRabbits are the easiest Apple systems to use ever! Just take a look as some of the features on these amazing little buggers!

  • Mouse is even smaller than standard iMac mouse. Thus, mouse can be stored in the anal cavity of any iRabbit! Talk about a space-saver!

  • Ears of all iRabbits are completely hollowed out for superb sound. And if you like bass, you can crank these babies up until they explode before your very eyes!
    (sorry, no refunds on exploded iRabbits)

  • Fur coat peels back to reveal spinal cord with new ergonomic keyboard installed directly into the spinal column. (cordless spine optional)

  • iRabbits feature built in phone cords for instant access to the internet! Simply pull out the eyes and plug them directly into your phone line!
    (note: Eyes only stretch about 1ft. before ocular cords reach their limit. Be sure that you do not over-stretch them. We do not offer replacements on iRabbit eyes.)

  • iRabbits come in the following color codes:

    -Green Sewage
    -Blue Balls
    -Purple Puke
    -and "Nuke 'Em 'Til They Glow" Red

    We're also proud to introduce the newest members to our family:
    Clearbitch The iRabbit!

    "Clearbitch the iRabbit. Only $2000 more than regular iRabbits!"

    This little fella has all the same features as the other iRabbits, only he's completely transparent! Just look at him! He only costs $2000 more! What a deal eh? Get yours today cuz these little suckers are going to go FAST!!!!!


So why Rabbits?
Why on earth did you choose to use Rabbits for your new systems!?

An understandable question... allow us to explain. We here at (CR)Apple noticed a HUGE increase in sales when we released our original iMac computers. Why did they do so well?

Because they performed really well? Because they had much more software support than PC computers did? Because they were priced fairly? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

SHYEAH RIGHT!

The reason we sold so many is because they were aesthetically pleasing to look at! Hell, those things were outright cute! We at (CR)Apple don't believe that the consumer is looking for a computer system that can run the latest software with ease... who in their right minds would want that? NO, we believe that the consumer out there is looking for a computer system that matches their decor! "Oh look honey! The iMac goes so nicely with our furniture! It even matches the salt shakers! I love our pretty little iMac!"

Yes we knew we struck gold when we released the iMac... but where could we go from there? I mean, how could we possibly make the system any worse, yet be even cuter than the iMacs!?!

The answer was clear: Exploiting Cute Fluffy Little Bunnies.

We spoke with Eduardo Kac, creator of the first "glow-in-the-dark" rabbit. He had been mutating these rabbits by combining their genes with the genes of Aequorea victoria, a species of fluorescent jellyfish. When we approached him with the idea of doing multiple color rabbits, he loved the idea and "hopped right to it", so to speak...

 
Kac's original "glow-in-the-dark" rabbit
Click Photo To Enlarge!

Now we truly believe we have created the most ungodly cute little bastard computer this planet will ever see. We're sure that it will sell millions, and we're sure that they'll break down quicker than hell. But hey, then we can just build something even cuter to sell to suckers just like you. So enjoy your new piece of shit: The iRabbit!

If you wish to read more about Eduardo Kac's
"glow-in-the-dark" rabbit, Click Here!

 


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