killing off a bunch of the guests with snowballs and icicles, Jack goes up
to Sam to say hello. Now Sam and Agent Manners are on the case, there's no
doubt in their minds that Jack Frost is responsible for all the killings.
Sam believes that he and Jack were somehow linked... he could almost
sense Jack's presence. They set out armed with Supersoakers filled
with anti-freeze. It stopped him once, logic would suggest that it could
stop him again, right?
They set an anti-freeze trap which Jack falls right into, but all it does
is make him look like an angry pile of marshmallow fluff. Mmmm,
marshmallow fluff. As if his surviving the anti-freeze isn't strange
enough, before he runs off, Jack actually yacks up a hairball... er... a
snowball. Jack apparently swallowed some of the anti-freeze when he fell
into the trap, and it made him belch up the snowball. They're not sure
what to do with it, so they take it back inside.
they all keep a close eye on the snowball while Sam is busy rambling on
and on about how the anti-freeze didn't kill Jack. Then the unthinkable
happens. This snowball isn't a snowball, it's a SNOW EGG and it's hatching
right before their very eyes!
sickeningly adorable mini-Jack baby emerges from the snow egg and calls
Captain Fun his "Dadda!" Captain fun is absolutely in love with the cute
lil' bugger and he goes in for a closer look. It's at that point when the
mini-Jack goes from saying "Dadda" to "Kill Dadda" and a sharp icicle
emerges from its skull and goes straight into Captain Fun's eye socket. It
was a short-lived love affair, but I still believe it was the greatest
pure love that has ever existed in the universe. Captain Fun, I'm sure
you'll be missed. Not by me, but someone out there, some sick, sick person
will definitely miss you. Maybe. Well, ok... no, probably not.
mini-Jack turns into a CGI graphics mini-Jack. This thing is so poorly
rendered that one of Gollum's turds would appear to be light years beyond
it. Still, the humor is there, and that's what really matters. They
capture the lil' guy and start to conduct all sorts of tests on it. The
idea is, if they can figure out a way to kill off this little bastard,
they can probably kill off Jack Frost too. The first test in which they
put him in a blender doesn't work. In fact, mini-Jack appears to enjoy it
quite a bit, even proclaiming, "That was fun!" And for those of you
wondering what mini-Jack sounds like, if you've ever seen Aqua Teen Hunger
force, he sounds almost exactly like
Agent Manners has just walked into a shed in the middle of the woods where
there appear to be hundreds of the mini-Jacks! Sam's wife calls him on his
walkie-talkie to let him know that the mini-Jacks are vicious little
killers. "Things that would have been useful to know 5 minutes ago." he
grumbles. And soon enough, all of the mini-Jacks are attacking him. It's
like a scene right out of one of the Critters flicks... they just tear him
apart. Somehow, I don't think he'll be coming back in the sequel. I'm
pretty sure they killed him this time. Then again, if they ever do make
Jack Frost part 3, I guess he could still come back as a bed-ridden
vegetable, who somehow still helps in tracking down a killer snowman.
Also, I have to say, one of the mini-Jacks in particular just has the look
of pure rage and unbridled hatred on his face:
I mean come
on, that is just fury personified folks. My pickle hat goes off to whoever
designed this little guy. Never would I think that anybody could make
something, that usually looks so cute, to look so absolutely filled with
unfiltered anger. Beautiful.
Back at the
lab, er kitchen, they're still conducting tests on the mini Jack. Awwww!
He looks all nice 'n toasty after being placed in the waffle iron doesn't
he? Well, since Sam has lost his mind after the failed anti-freeze attack,
it's up to the others to try an stop all of the mini-Jacks. They decide
that since they can't kill 'em, they can at least try to contain 'em. And
goddamn, there are quite a few to contain. They're truly got their work
cut out for them. Wanna know why? Because it's...
I have to
say, this entire party scene seems like a blatant rip-off of Gremlins
scene when they're all in the bar and having a good time. Still, these
guys are all so disgustingly cute, I can't help from being completely
mesmerized by the murderous little snowballs of doom. I mean just look at
all the fun they're having here!
ATTACKING RUBBER BLOWFISH!
ENJOYING TROPICAL DRINKS
IN RECLINER CHAIR AND SKATEBOARDING!
DANCING THE CONGO!
MORE DRINKING! (notice the mohawk a la' "Stripe" from Gremlins?)
And of course, no party is
complete without the traditional
FEASTING ON THE FLESH OF THE DEAD!
I've been to
some parties in my day, but I'll be damned if any of them were even half
as fun as what this snowball festival looked like. I could watch this
scene a hundred times and not be bored. A HUNDRED TIMES I SAY!
the chaos, Sam's wife throws a tropical drink at one of the mini-Jacks and
it actually dies! She brings the cocktail back to Bobby to find out what's
in the drink and he tells her it's his famous Island Daquiri, which
contains lots of Bananas. BANANAS ARE WHAT CAN KILL JACK FROST!?!?!?
Ok, allow me to explain... when Sam and Jack Frost fought in the first
movie, their genes mixed with one another inside the anti-freeze. You see,
Sam had a wound at the time, so that allowed some of Jack's genes to get
in his system and vice versa. So that's why Sam was actually able to
sense Jack's presence. Jack also picked up one of Sam's traits -
Sam is allergic to bananas! So that's how they can kill off Jack and
his mini-snowman army... with bananas! In other words, yeah, they really
pulled this one out their asses. From deep within their asses.
all the bananas they can find and start mashing them up into a liquid form
so that they can shoot it out of their super soakers. Is there anything
Super Soakers can't do? I feel I should note that a strange thing about
this scene is that they inserted a completely random, and blatant
advertisement for Organica cookies. Bobby holds a cookie up to the screen
after taking a bite and says in his best/worst Jamaican accent, "You know,
these Organica cookies are pretty darn good!" So there you have it folks,
it appears that Organica cookies were responsible for the funding of this
movie. Too bad for them, I think having ties to Jack Frost 2 would make
most people not want to eat their cookies or anything else they
sell. Suckers, you got scammed by a snowman. ROFL
They go out
armed with the banana-filled Super Soakers and the party quickly ends for
the mini-Jacks. It's really quite sad seeing them all explode into bloody
messes. It's an all-out massacre. One of the mini-Jacks makes it out,
badly wounded and barely alive. He finds his way back to the original Jack
Frost... and then dies in his arms.
have to watch the scene. It's the most dramatic film sequence in a horror
movie ever. The music, the lighting, the mood... it's all too perfect. And
to seal it off, a tear runs down Jack Frost's face as he mourns the loss
of his little buddy, mini-Jack. It's enough to make anybody cry. But the
time for mourning is quickly over, because Jack Frost is extremely pissed
off and, "NOW IT'S KILLING TIME!"
Hickering starts to celebrate their apparent banana-fueled victory over
the army of mini-Jacks, when Jack shoves an icicle through the back of his
skull. Or, at least through the back of a plastic dummy's skull. Eh, just
pretend it was the Colonel, ok?
for the bitch who killed my family!" he screams. Jack then traps Sam's
wife by creating a giant ice room around her and he starts closing the
walls in on her when all of a sudden...
IT'S SAM! Yep, he's regained his sanity... well at least enough of it to
shoot Jack with a banana arrow. It looks like those archery lessons from
Captain Fun paid off in the end after all! Jack then explodes in another
pathetic display of cheap CGI effects.
at least we get to see Sam get covered in a bunch of goop...
crawling around on a floor of marshmallow fluff, red syrup, and soap suds
(ie: the remains of Jack Frost) in search of his wife. He does find her
and she's aok, and happens to look a lot like the Ghostbusters after they
killed the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Well, this movie definitely wasn't
as good as the original. The film quality alone appeared to be more like
that of a made for television movie. Still, it does have some moments
where it shines, and I absolutely love all the mini-Jacks. So with Sam
having saved the day, the credits start to roll and just when you think
it's all over, they show this shitty footage that appears to have been
filmed on a home camcorder:
appears that if they do make a Jack Frost 3, he will somehow be returning
as a giant Jack Frost and attacking Japan. Jackzilla? Hmmm, sorta
has a nice ring to it, yes? Welp, here's to hoping that they can raise the
100 bux to get that one filmed too.
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