A "Meet the
Competition" Eastern Hockey League billboard which depicts a goalkeeper
whose mask just happens to look like Jason. I'll bet Rob Hedden was really
proud of this moment when he wrote the script. Sadly, it probably is one
of the better moments in the film. Ok fellow New Yorkers out there, I'm
sure you know the answer to this next question. What's the first thing
that happens to someone when they arrive in the big apple?
When you arrive in New York City, the first thing that happens is you get
accosted by two gangbangers who will drug you up and then attempt to rape
you. And normally they'd finish the job, but I guess it's Rennie's lucky
day, because Jason pops up and stabs the first thug through the chest with
his own syringe. He then takes the other gangbanger and shoves his head
through a steaming lead pipe. Violence, murder... man, I'm beginning to
think that Jason fits right in with the streets of New York!
Float like a buttercup, sting like a pea!
Julius. Earlier in the movie we see him showing off his boxing skills in
front of some o' the ladies. But now, it's Julius vs. Jason on top of a
roof. Realizing he has nowhere left to run, Julius decides that he can
take on Jason in a match of fisticuffs.
starts laying into Jason with everything he's got for what seems like 5
minutes straight. Jason just stands there and stumbles around a bit, but
shows no signs of being hurt. Personally, I think Julius is a friggin'
idiot. He's punching Jason, not in the face, but on his hockey mask with
his bare hands. After a few minutes, his hands are completely bloody and
he is completely exhausted. Still, he's feeling a bit overconfident so he
taunts Jason. "Go ahead...take your best shot, motherfucker!"
One of my
all-time favorite Jason deaths. With one punch, Jason knocks Julius' head
clean off. It spins around in the air for a while and then lands perfectly
in a dumpster down below. Three points! Definitely a classic kill.
survivors find a cop and tell him what's been going on, so he brings them
to his squad car only to find the head of Julius sitting in the front
seat. I guess Jason went dumpster diving for the head of Julius. He
must've not been ready to part with that lil' trophy just yet. Jason then
kills the cop, but Rennie is fed up with his shit. She gets behind the
wheel and starts speeding directly towards Jason.
does successfully mow him down, she must have forgot to take her
medication, because she starts seeing images of the young, drowned Jason
Voorhees. It's almost as if she's in a trance as we get one zoom-in too
many of his face.
that's why her dumbass ran the car straight into a wall. Brilliant. Well,
something good did come out of it all. The impact somehow made Rennie have
a flashback to when she was a child. You see, she's always had a fear of
water but she can't remember why. Well, when she was her kid, her dad (the
asshole biology professor) pushed her into the water because she wouldn't
try to learn how to swim. He told her that the little dead boy, Jason
Voorhees, was under the water and that he would pull her down if she
didn't learn how to swim. Long story short - she almost drowned and it's
all his fault that she's had mental problems all these years. So what is
her father's payback gonna be?
MY GOD! LOOK!
JASON SENT HER DAD THROUGH A TIME RIFT
AND IT'S TEARING HIS SOUL APART!
no, that would be a nice big fat scratch on the fucking DVD that I rented
from the local video store which I had to spend a good 15 minutes cleaning
before it was playable again. It's always good to know that the video
store employees clean their DVD's off with fucking sandpaper...
of the few things we can count on in horror movies is that people will die
if a) they have sex or b) their character is an asshole. And while
Rennie's father, professor McCulloch, didn't actually get it on with the
bimbo from earlier in the movie, he did manage to act like a complete
bastard the entire time. So that right there clued you in on the fact that
he would indeed die at some point. Jason decided to pick up pops and bring
him to a nearby drum filled with sewage. There's even a dead rat floating
in the top of it for effect. Cute.
McCulloch head-first into the vat of goop and thrashes around his body
until he's sure the professor is dead. Definitely one of the more violent
kills on Jason's resume... he comes off as really pissed off during this
scene. Maybe he failed biology back in school and this was his way of
getting some closure.
and her boy toy, Sean, are now the only two survivors left. They hightail
it over to a New York subway because, let's face it... even the subways in
New York are safer than hanging around Jason Voorhees. I think. Well
anyway, Jason somehow appears on the train and they pull the emergency
brake and jump off. Jason then exits the train to look for them, and in an
act of bravery, Sean tackles Jason.
Poppity pop pop pop.
on the railroad tracks and gets completely fried. I'm sure it doesn't help
that he's completely soaking wet. Actually, during the entire movie he's
pretty much dripping with goo. They must have gone through gallons and
gallons of Karo syrup for this film. But still, are you really gonna kill
someone who was brought back to life by electricity with the very same
thing? Signs point to no.
extremely slow pan of all the advertisements in Times Square, we see Jason
appear on the city streets. He's even more pissed off and he's right on
the trail of Rennie and Sean.
He walks buy
a couple of punks that are blasting heavy music and he proceeds to punt
their radio into oblivion. Naturally, the punks don't take kindly to
Jason's impressive kicking display, and threaten him. While I would have
loved to see Jason tear these kids apart limb from limb, I think this next
part was just as good.
around and lifts up his mask, unveiling his horribly mangled face to the
punks, thus sending them running off faster than you can say Sid Vicious.
I'm still undecided on whether this or the boxing scene is the funniest
moment in the film. Tough call...
"You don't understand!
There's a maniac trying to kill us!" -Rennie
"Welcome to New York." -Waitress
to explain to a waitress their predicament, Jason comes smashing through
the front door. This pisses off the cook, who is like a 7 feet tall
behemoth man. Jason throws him across the room into a mirror as if he was
a little school girl. So with the diner staff being of little help, Rennie
and Sean run into the one place where they're sure to find help! THE
sanitation engineer working down there who informs them that the sewers
are going to be filling up with toxic waste in the next 10 minutes and
that they need to get out of there fast. He starts to lead them to safety,
but of course, Jason appears from nowhere and pummels the poor bastard
with his own monkey wrench. And while they don't actually show the guy
getting killed, you do get to enjoy a nice shadow puppet show of the
death. Rennie then decides to play a big joke on Jason...
"HEY JASON. WHO INVENTED THE STEAM ENGINE?"
Jason: "I DON'T KNOW!"
ROFL! YOU GOT SLIMED!
Ok, so that
didn't really happen. Actually, while I would have liked to see an ode to
"You Can't Do That On Television" somewhere in this movie, this scene was
pretty good. She dumps a vat of toxic waste all over Jason that she just
happened to find on the ground. His face starts smoking and you can tell
the ol' guy is in pain. He tears off his hockey mask to unveil GQ's man of
AG! AG! AG! AG! AG!
what does our man of the year, Jason, do when confronted with a flood of
toxic sewage? He does what every person would do just before they're about
He vomits water.
whatever reason, he pukes up a bunch of water. Very pleasant to watch.
Jason then gets swept under the flood of toxic waste that has now filled
the sewers. And while they were on a ladder, I'm still unsure of how the
toxic fumes didn't kill Rennie and Sean. Maybe you just get used to the
smell after a while. Ok, probably not.
toxic waste washes away, they see the body of a young Jason Voorhees lying
on the ground. Man, that's pretty deep. What's annoying is that we never
really see how Jason comes back to life in Part 9, "Jason Goes To Hell".
He's just somehow back. Maybe he grew up all over again and took a cab
back to Camp Crystal Lake? I guess that theory will have to do...
In the end,
we see Jason's burnt mask floating away in the sewage, and even though New
York is a huge city, Rennie manages to find her lost dog. Where the dog
was during most of the film? I don't know, perhaps he was taking a dump on
the script. Either way, he's here now and we can put him to sleep along
with the movie.
or comments about this article?
If you enjoyed this piece be sure
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JASON'S 10 BEST KILLS!
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