is as good as mine with this one. I just wanted to include these photos to better
illustrate just how insanely foggy it was in parts of the various areas of
the park. In some parts, you literally had to stick your hands out in
front of you, hoping you didn't walk right into a wall. I've honestly never been to a Halloween attraction that used
more fog machines. Truly impressive. They must have their own fog juice factory at Knott's
Berry Farm. Sadly, there was no fog juice to drink at any of the
exiting Feary Tales, we found ourselves right in front of the next maze
attraction: The Asylum! The outer decorations were nicely done of
course, and I particularly liked the animatronic hand that was clawing at
the one window that was lit up. Well... I think it was a hand. It was kind
of hard to tell with all that fog.
skimp out on the blood 'n gore in this place at all. From the moment you
enter the place, you see a plenty of blood splattered everywhere, random
body parts stuff into busted incubators and other old medical devices.
And, naturally, there were plenty of mental patients and mutants walking
Some of them
even have guns. I'm not sure why you would arm a mental patient with a gun
really; must be some radical new kind of therapy. The guy in the padded
room was oddly relaxed when I snapped that photo of him through one of the
air holes. Of course, as soon as I turned my back to him, he started
K. Carpenter Clinic for Bulimic Research (obviously a nod to Karen
Carpenter) was definitely was of the best areas in
the whole attraction as it featured more buckets and toilets filled with
multi-colored puke than you should shake a bottle of ipecac at.
This guy was
happy to be living in his world of puke though, so more power to him. I'm
not sure what they were throwing in that glowing furnace though. Probably
never grow up. This was clearly the case with the big infant who had a
mobile made of human body parts. I'm guessing it was mommy's body parts.
Or maybe daddy's. Look, as long as it wasn't my body parts, I say let the
kid have fun.
To all of
you naysayers that think electroshock therapy can't work wonders for a
patient, I direct your attention to the pictures above. Why, just look at
Frankenstein. He's full of life, and it's all thanks to a little extra
about you, but I don't think the nurses were in any condition to be
assisting the patients with their needs. They were, however, all too eager
to take some blood samples. Correct me if I'm wrong though; they're not
supposed to take samples in gallons, right?
random freaks that have been hid away from society including Jolly McJaws
and Mr. Neon Nosering. SpoooooooooOOoOOooOoooOooOOOOooooooky!
it out of The Asylum unscathed (well, physically at least), we
walked around Ghost Town some more checking out more of the costumed
wasn't puking or making crazy requests for us to milk it, I thought this
gargoyle perched high atop the tower looked pretty damned good in the
middle of the night.
Side-splitting improv? Can't say any of us were really interested in
that. The name of the show sounded like a cheesy line that even the
Cryptkeeper himself would've rejected. Also, one of the nearby games had
some odd "monster" prizes. There were these furry ball monsters where you
could hand the arms way up, making the legs vanish, and vice-versa. They
also had green aliens in santa suits up for grabs. What the hell that has
to do with Halloween is beyond me. I even asked the guy about it and he
just laughed and shrugged and tried to get me to play the game so he could
get rid of them. Sorry pal, I had better things to do than lose more money
in an attempt to win a Christmas alien in October.
everything we saw this particular evening, I have to say that Hatchet
High was by far my favorite. It was like walking into a combination of
"Class of Nuke 'Em High" and "Rock 'n Roll High School" -
and the decorations were top notch and they had rock music blasting from
The Ramones and other bands. Considering the outside had plenty of
spraypainted graffiti and a meteor crashed into the building, I could tell
we were in for a treat.
entering Hatchet High, we saw that the place had been trashed by some punk
zombies. Mangled corpses atop the lockers, a strange green cephalopod-like
creature clutching to a doorway, and various anti-school graffiti
scattered about. Someone also used the dust on one of the windows to write
"Ratkey is a homo". Yeah, this was definitely looking like a high school
from an 80's movie alright.
decorations were top notch; a complete role-reversal in which a frog was
dissecting a human and a cafeteria filled with "foods" (and I use the term
very loosely) that would even make Barth feel nauseated.
The rest of
the cafeteria area was just as amusing and I particularly liked the lunch
menu with all the cheesy halloweeny food listings such as "Feces
Fricassee," "Gopher Guts," "Crap Cakes" and "Scab Salad".
we came upon some undead cheerleaders who were all too eager to show us
their v-i-c-t-o-r-y dance. The people in shop class, however, were not
nearly that active as you can see.
Ah the king
and the queen of the prom. I dunno, I think she could do better than
grandpa from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but hey, whatever floats her