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Knott's Berry Farm's 34th Annual Halloween Haunt! Knott's Scary Farm!
by: -RoG-


Your guess is as good as mine with this one. I just wanted to include these photos to better illustrate just how insanely foggy it was in parts of the various areas of the park. In some parts, you literally had to stick your hands out in front of you, hoping you didn't walk right into a wall. I've honestly never been to a Halloween attraction that used more fog machines. Truly impressive. They must have their own fog juice factory at Knott's Berry Farm. Sadly, there was no fog juice to drink at any of the concession stands.

After exiting Feary Tales, we found ourselves right in front of the next maze attraction: The Asylum! The outer decorations were nicely done of course, and I particularly liked the animatronic hand that was clawing at the one window that was lit up. Well... I think it was a hand. It was kind of hard to tell with all that fog.

They didn't skimp out on the blood 'n gore in this place at all. From the moment you enter the place, you see a plenty of blood splattered everywhere, random body parts stuff into busted incubators and other old medical devices. And, naturally, there were plenty of mental patients and mutants walking about.

Some of them even have guns. I'm not sure why you would arm a mental patient with a gun really; must be some radical new kind of therapy. The guy in the padded room was oddly relaxed when I snapped that photo of him through one of the air holes. Of course, as soon as I turned my back to him, he started flipping out.

The K. Carpenter Clinic for Bulimic Research (obviously a nod to Karen Carpenter) was definitely was of the best areas in the whole attraction as it featured more buckets and toilets filled with multi-colored puke than you should shake a bottle of ipecac at.

This guy was happy to be living in his world of puke though, so more power to him. I'm not sure what they were throwing in that glowing furnace though. Probably more puke.

Some people never grow up. This was clearly the case with the big infant who had a mobile made of human body parts. I'm guessing it was mommy's body parts. Or maybe daddy's. Look, as long as it wasn't my body parts, I say let the kid have fun.

To all of you naysayers that think electroshock therapy can't work wonders for a patient, I direct your attention to the pictures above. Why, just look at Frankenstein. He's full of life, and it's all thanks to a little extra juice!

I dunno about you, but I don't think the nurses were in any condition to be assisting the patients with their needs. They were, however, all too eager to take some blood samples. Correct me if I'm wrong though; they're not supposed to take samples in gallons, right?

Some more random freaks that have been hid away from society including Jolly McJaws and Mr. Neon Nosering. SpoooooooooOOoOOooOoooOooOOOOooooooky!

Having made it out of The Asylum unscathed (well, physically at least), we walked around Ghost Town some more checking out more of the costumed street performers.

While it wasn't puking or making crazy requests for us to milk it, I thought this gargoyle perched high atop the tower looked pretty damned good in the middle of the night.

Hacks! Side-splitting improv? Can't say any of us were really interested in that. The name of the show sounded like a cheesy line that even the Cryptkeeper himself would've rejected. Also, one of the nearby games had some odd "monster" prizes. There were these furry ball monsters where you could hand the arms way up, making the legs vanish, and vice-versa. They also had green aliens in santa suits up for grabs. What the hell that has to do with Halloween is beyond me. I even asked the guy about it and he just laughed and shrugged and tried to get me to play the game so he could get rid of them. Sorry pal, I had better things to do than lose more money in an attempt to win a Christmas alien in October.

Out of everything we saw this particular evening, I have to say that Hatchet High was by far my favorite. It was like walking into a combination of "Class of Nuke 'Em High" and "Rock 'n Roll High School" - and the decorations were top notch and they had rock music blasting from The Ramones and other bands. Considering the outside had plenty of spraypainted graffiti and a meteor crashed into the building, I could tell we were in for a treat.

Upon entering Hatchet High, we saw that the place had been trashed by some punk zombies. Mangled corpses atop the lockers, a strange green cephalopod-like creature clutching to a doorway, and various anti-school graffiti scattered about. Someone also used the dust on one of the windows to write "Ratkey is a homo". Yeah, this was definitely looking like a high school from an 80's movie alright.

The decorations were top notch; a complete role-reversal in which a frog was dissecting a human and a cafeteria filled with "foods" (and I use the term very loosely) that would even make Barth feel nauseated.

The rest of the cafeteria area was just as amusing and I particularly liked the lunch menu with all the cheesy halloweeny food listings such as "Feces Fricassee," "Gopher Guts," "Crap Cakes" and "Scab Salad".

Moving along we came upon some undead cheerleaders who were all too eager to show us their v-i-c-t-o-r-y dance. The people in shop class, however, were not nearly that active as you can see.

Ah the king and the queen of the prom. I dunno, I think she could do better than grandpa from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but hey, whatever floats her boat...

Eeeek! There's still more pics to see!

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