Features

Leprechaun
by: Dr. Boogie

...CONTINUED

For Nathan, the plan is "heal your leg, then run like hell", and he follows through nicely. Only falls down once. I'm so proud of him.

Even though the whole lot of them have legs that are about as long as the Leprechaun is tall, they still barely make it back to the house before he catches up to them. Part of him even makes it through the door.

Only part, though. At first, it seems like a bad move on the part of the Leprechaun, but then his severed hand climbs up the door and unlocks it from the inside. Being the spor that he is, the Leprechaun doesn't use this opportunity to sneak inside and finish off the gang. Instead, he just hisses at the door and runs off.

Inside, the gang is planning their next move. They failed at killing the Leprechaun, and they managed to get their truck rolled by a go-kart, so they decide to call in some outside help instead. The phone lines have been cut, but Tory still has her fist-sized cell phone. Sadly, those early 90s cell phones had a battery life of around fifteen seconds.

On the plus side, that fifteen seconds was just long enough to convince the sheriff that he needs to send a man down to the house to look around.

Unfortunately, the cop he decides to send out is the same one that the Leprechaun took care of a few scenes back. Once again, the Leprechaun has outdone himself: not only did he backtrack all the way back to the dead lawman, but he picked the guy up, dragged him all the way back to his car, propped him up in the passenger's seat, then jumped in the driver's seat himself just in time to do a perfect impression of the man to respond to the sheriff. Is there anything this magical Irishman can't do, apart from waste a bunch of losers in a brightly-colored house?

Speaking of which, I suppose we have to check back in with them. What follows is another excruciating scene where everyone is stupid. Here's a quick summary:

  • Tory states that, despite the fact that the creature that attacked them was dressed like a leprechaun, demanded his gold be returned, and spoke with an Irish accent, it is most definitely not a leprechaun.

  • Ozzie accidentally mentions the stolen gold pouch.

  • Alex has to tell the whole story of how they found the gold and hid it in the wall (thankfully, the film cuts away for this), and after hearing the story, Tory is convinced that giving the creature its gold back will solve their problem. Even though it clearly is not a Leprechaun. Just a really industrious midget who takes dismemberment and shotgun blasts to the chest really well.

  • Nathan's leg wound once again becomes severe enough that he can barely move and sweats a lot.

Moving on...

Being once more in no shape to be walking around, Nathan gives the shotgun to Tory and sends her to get the gold out of the well. That she doesn't accidentally shoot a hole in the roof is surprising. To her credit, though, she manages to hold the shotgun and walk across the yard at the same time with stumbling over anything and landing in a damn bear trap, so she's already more competent than Nathan. "You ever work one of these things before?" Up yours, Nathan, up yours.

Finally abandoning the idea of any more clever reveals, the Leprechaun simply teleports into the scene. Still not up to speed, Tory asks what kind of creature he is, who can teleport at will and craft limericks at the drop of his green top hat. He reminds her of the title of the movie, then demands his gold, which she is all to happy to hand over.


"It sounds like me gold, it looks like me gold, it smells like me gold, it tastes like me gold!"

He's not such a bad guy, you know. He gives Tory a little peck on the check before going off to count his "golden delicious gold".

So that's it, movie over, right?

Wrong. The Leprechaun discovers that he's a coin short of a purse. Time to serve the gang a plate of corned beef and whupass.

Yeah, go get some water out of the fridge, why don't ya? You know what's in the vegetable crisper?

More Leprechaun, that's what. The Leprechaun manages to wrestle Alex to the ground, but soon after, Nathan grabs him and tosses him off.


"We're cookin' now, kids! Ha ha!!"

Then he puts his hand on the stove for some reason, I guess to give himself another handicap in the fight against these feebs.


"Oh god, he's in the cabinets!"

Yes, you'd better get him before he poisons your food supply! Seriously, though, what follows is a short sequence in which the Leprechaun humiliates Nathan.

Nathan nearly shoots Tory several times while she opens cabinets for him, then the Leprechaun grabs Nathan right in his own coinpurse, then he almost gets Nathan to shoot Alex and Ozzie. Which I would've liked to have seen.


"Ho ho ho! I'm right here, and I ain't no Santa Claus!"

Hiding in the Chimney works pretty well, except that it winds up earning him another shot in the chest.


"We got the sucker!"

Of course you did! Why wouldn't this time be different from the previous time? He's dead though, right? "Yeah, he's dead," Nathan says.

So dead. He runs off singing "fiddly diddly dee, a leprechaun is me!" The hunt is on again!

Nice shooting, loser. I wish the Leprechaun would roll a propane tank in front of you.

Then the Leprechaun disappears again, and it sounds like he's in the basement. Better listen closely...

Keep in mind, while all this is happening, no one is really coming out ahead. Sure, with this latest move, the Leprechaun catches them off guard, but he still gets shot in the chest again. So he resorts to prank phone calls.


"Having problems? Need a hand?"

Sure, Tory is disgusted, but she sounds more angry than scared at this point. Ozzie finally admits that he had the last coin in his stomach, but they can't let him face a foe as dangerous as the Leprechaun by himself. Always thinking ahead, Ozzie has a solution they can all agree on: find old man O'Grady and ask him how to kill the Leprechaun. After all, he was probably the one who put the creature in the crate. Hey, great idea, guys. I wonder why O'Grady didn't think of that himself? Oh, that's right: because he's just as big of a dumb fuck as all of you put together!!!

*ahem* So the new plan is to get Tory to drive to the rest home where O'Grady lives, while Nathan and Ozzie distract the Leprechaun. And how will they do that?

By throwing him shoes to polish. Does that sound like a stupid idea to you? It shouldn't, because it works better than anything they've done thus far in the movie: They throw the shoes, the Leprechaun polishes all of them, and Tory drives away.

Okay, it almost works, except that the Leprechaun puts on some roller skates and decides to hitch a ride behind the jeep. He's doing alright until he loses his grip.

Once again, I want to point out that someone who was involved in making this film felt it was a horror title.

Tory manages to shake the Leprechaun's pursuit and makes it to the nursing home without further hijinx. She even manages to find O'Grady's room all by herself.

She tells him that the Leprechaun has escaped, and O'Grady says there's only one way to kill a leprechaun, but he'll never tell. You know why? Of course you know why.

Because it's the Leprechaun in disguise, exactly. Tory takes off running, with the Leprechaun close behind in his wheelchair.

Not since Ben-Hur has there been a racing sequence so epic! So epic and so long. The Leprechaun is pumping those little arms like mad, but he can never seem to catch up to Olympic sprinter, Tory. She manages to duck into an elevator just before the Leprechaun catches her. So this whole nursing home trip has been kind of a bust, you'd say.

Not so. She found old man O'Grady, just not where she was expecting. Look at that man: he's on the verge of death, covered in blood and dropped through the ceiling of an elevator, and all by the Leprechaun. I told you he was an even bigger failure than the rest of the movie's "heroes". His final act of contrition for being such a load is that he imparts the secret of killing the Leprechaun on Tory: pluck a four-leaf clover, put it on the Leprechaun, and he will become mortal. Also, make sure to kill him immediately if you're at risk for a stroke.

There's still more madness to Leprechaun!
Click here to continue onward to page 5!

 

Reader Comments

grants but one wish
Nov 6th, 2008, 04:04 AM
i must see this movie now, if only just for this scene: "uses his hoary powers to shoot a bolt of crackling green energy to... shut the door. Ozzie opens the door back up and runs away"
drifting in the void
Nov 6th, 2008, 04:51 AM
Sounds like great entertainment.
Last of the Time Lords
Nov 6th, 2008, 05:14 AM
I minor classic. Everyone is terrible in this movie except for Davis, and his performance makes it worthwhile.
Fanboy
Nov 6th, 2008, 05:16 AM
This film is some true old-school shenanigans!
Using Ninjitsu of Fushin
Nov 6th, 2008, 06:41 AM
I love the forth instalment "Leprechaun 4: In Space" its a true classic, just like when critters when to space! I am still let to see number five "Leprechaun in the Hood"
John Freeman! Over here!
Nov 6th, 2008, 08:35 AM
Leprechaun + Go-Kart = One Way Trip To Wackyness
I hate this hacker crap!
Nov 6th, 2008, 10:40 AM
Brilliant. Simply brilliant. I've never watched any of the series, but I was familiar with "In tha hood". Thank you for that most enlightening piece of work.
Retardedly Handsome
Nov 6th, 2008, 11:03 AM
We got Freddy vs. Jason and Alien vs. Predator, Who would be a good match for the Leprechaun. I think Hollywood should get back into making monster crossover movies. I just watch Frankenstien meets the space monsters(circa 1965?) or something like that, not that it was the best film but it was entertaining. Instead of dumping out crappy snuf films why just rehash some of the 80's & 90's stars...

If Jonny Nuemonic met Neo would that be like John Malkovich sliding into his own head?
Pickled Patriarch
Nov 6th, 2008, 11:40 AM
Icculus, clearly the Leprechaun vs. Chucky would be the way to go.
What Video Games?
Nov 6th, 2008, 12:16 PM
Better yet, Leprechaun vs. Chucky vs. Puppet Master.

The only bits of the Lep I've seen is Part 3, mainly the part where the magician literally gets sawed in half and Leprechaun in Space in it's entirety. Ridiculous. Fun, but still ridiculous.
Cell Regenerated Deadite
Nov 6th, 2008, 12:33 PM
YO YO YO ! What about Leprechaun 5 when he goes to DA HOOD?
Sloth, PhD
Nov 6th, 2008, 12:35 PM
Leprechaun in the Hood is one of my favorite reeeeeeally bad movies.

"I'll take it from you, homie, you'll see, cause you know the Leprechaun is the real O.G."
☆☆☆☆☆
Nov 6th, 2008, 12:36 PM
I heard there was a part 5, where he goes to da hood!
1.21 Gigawatts!!!
Nov 6th, 2008, 02:30 PM
Maybe the leprechaun can face Pee Wee Herman. Both wear silly suits and have an affinity for bicycles.
Eating angry potatos.
Nov 6th, 2008, 04:20 PM
Hey, the "ant like creature" is a potato bug.... also known as a Jerusalem cricket... they are pure evil, and taste really good.

Great movie!
Funky Dynamite
Nov 6th, 2008, 04:21 PM
In Leprechaun 5, he goes to the 'hood. In Leprechaun 6, he returns to the 'hood.
ima betch
Nov 6th, 2008, 05:10 PM
I have seen leprechaun 2 it was funny as hell
pickled
Nov 6th, 2008, 06:45 PM
How would even want to produce these movies?
Forum Virgin
Nov 6th, 2008, 07:04 PM
Is it wrong that I own the "Pot of Gore" collection of the first 5 Leprechaun films (and picked up part 6 separately)? If it is, I don't want to be right. They are continually ridiculous, but lots of fun. Warwick Davis is a king among men.
Ghoul
Nov 7th, 2008, 12:33 AM
I still rag a buddy of mine for suggesting that we go see this when it was still in theaters. I had put so much of it out of my memory that the only part I remember is when he was feeling up Jennifer Aniston at the beginning.
Member
Nov 7th, 2008, 02:41 AM
I'm amazed many of you HAVEN'T seen this film. There was a SNL Wayne's World segment at the time that did a sketch about how garth is afraid of the Leprechaun with wyane holding a flashlight under his face and doing his now shrek/ fat bastard voice repeating "da leprechaun" over and over. The bit was such a keystone that when it came time to promote the waynes world movie, they revised it for a few mtv specials.

Seriously, this is probably the most famous awful horror movie of it's day. Either you were too young or lived in a cave around the time of it's release to have missed it.

Warwick is, as the others have stated, the best part about these films. But isn't that the norm? I mean with the exception of part 1, weren't all of the kids in the freddy movies, completely uninteresting and unlikeable? Same with Jason, leatherface, ect? I think they do that on purpose so you actually don't mind when the villain returns for the sequel as he's the only saving grace of the film.

Also for those you haven't watched it (and apparently Rog) we need to point out that Ozzie is "special" / "differenlty abled" /ect (or whatever pc word the kids use for mental retardation these days). So while we can totally make fun of the others for all of their bonehead moves, we need to lay off the Ozz man as he doesn't know any better. With the exception of eating one of the coins of course. I mean what did he think it was chocolate? Even then, he eats chocolate coins without taking the wrapper off?

I would reccomend the Leprechaun in space one btw.... has two or three jokes regarding male "junk" including a hilarious segment involving the leprechaun and a enlarging ray. (And by hilarious I mean passably funny.)
Pickled Patriarch
Nov 7th, 2008, 04:00 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Exeter View Post
Is it wrong that I own the "Pot of Gore" collection of the first 5 Leprechaun films (and picked up part 6 separately)? If it is, I don't want to be right. They are continually ridiculous, but lots of fun. Warwick Davis is a king among men.
Wrong? Not at all man. You're talking to a guy who has purchased countless awful, yet unintentionally hilarious, movies. So by all means, continue to purchase the Leprechaun films until they stop making 'em.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HowardC View Post
Also for those you haven't watched it (and apparently Rog)
Uh, I didn't write this article, but thanks for the credit anyway.
Forum Virgin
Nov 7th, 2008, 05:57 AM
i saw in da hood and what sticks out as my fav part is when one of the pp pulls a baseball bat out of his hair right at the start it was so unpredictable it craked me up
The Power of Grayskull
Nov 7th, 2008, 07:26 AM
I was beside myself while reading this article wondering how Rog could be panning and mocking such a classic entry into 80s horror cheese, screaming to myself "Say it ain't so, Rog! Oh how I used to know thee!".

And then I realized it was written by Dr. Boogie, not Rog, so all is well.
The article was entertaining, but this sort of thing is right in your wheelhouse Rog! I'd have liked to have heard your take on it.
Mrs. Mighty Tyrant
Nov 7th, 2008, 08:07 AM
Lep in the Hood was the best.
Return to the Hood, not so much.
I hate it when they try to take a series gone askew and attempt to make a real movie.
Lep in da hood,
And he's up to no good.
Movie Enthusiast
Nov 7th, 2008, 11:03 AM
This was an absolutely fantastic read. Please do the rest of the Leprechaun movies.
40 pound box of rape?
Nov 7th, 2008, 01:44 PM
I saw In Ds Hood on BET once. There's a scene (hell, perhaps it's the whole movie) where everyone is doing various narcotics. Pretty much every character has either a bong or a joint in their hand. So BET saw fit to blur out all the offending objects. What we're left with is a bunch of black people running around with big blurs in their hands. It really ads to the ridiculous nature of the movie
WHAM!
Nov 8th, 2008, 12:40 AM
Just watched it now, you got it stuck in my head.
This movie seemed to go on and on and on, that is everything repeated at least 514 times.

I've heard many good things about the hilarity of the second Leprechaun movie from a friend who's seen em' all.
Hopefully the Leprechaun has just as much love for dinky little cars and tricycles in the second movie.
Tox Tox is offline
Forum Virgin
Nov 8th, 2008, 10:54 AM
The leprechaun movies are so awesomely bad. I've seen em all and when I was a kid I was terrified of him. I find it hilarious now that I could be scared of a midget with a mask on. hah. But I really hope they make another sequel that's somewhere just as odd as in space. Maybe "Leprechaun 20 Leagues Under the Sea"?
Importer/Exporter
Nov 9th, 2008, 03:22 PM
I had the pleasure of meeting Warwick Davis (the leprechaun, Willow, etc) a few years ago and he was quite awesome. I had no idea he was THAT tiny. I mean, he's even tiny by dwarf standards. But still, he's adorable.
Forum Virgin
Nov 9th, 2008, 10:18 PM
Likeable horror protagonists? How about Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode?
aint nobody
Nov 12th, 2008, 05:53 AM
ah Leprechaun,it's right up there with the likes of the TROLL movies in utter stupidity,yet can't look away type movies
You'll thank me later...
Nov 16th, 2008, 12:58 AM
Quote:
we need to point out that Ozzie is "special" / "differenlty abled" /ect (or whatever pc word the kids use for mental retardation these days). So while we can totally make fun of the others for all of their bonehead moves, we need to lay off the Ozz man
Never.
Forum Virgin
Nov 18th, 2008, 03:45 PM
Dr. Boogie is my favorite writer on this site.
I love his rom hack reviews, does he still do them?
Forum Virgin
Nov 18th, 2008, 03:57 PM
Oh, and am I the only person who think Jennifer Aniston looks better now, then when she was younger?
Forum Virgin
Nov 23rd, 2008, 10:46 PM
The scene where he convinces Ozzie to let him out of the box is awesome. " Let me out of the box! I'll give you three wishes........LET ME OUT OF THE DAMN BOX!!!"
Forum Virgin
Dec 23rd, 2009, 10:21 PM
This movie is so stupid that my I.Q. dropped 20 points in the first 10 minutes of it.
I would have walked out of this movie.............on an airplane its so bad.

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