Please don't feed PickleMan
Please don't feed PickleMan
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If They Can Make A Game, So Can We!

I see a lot of stupid products out there on a daily basis. How some people are actually able to get funding for some of their ideas is beyond me. Yesterday, a friend of mine told me that he saw a commercial for eBay. No big deal there right? Well it turns out that the commercial wasn't for eBay the site, but instead it was for eBay THE GAME!

Buy it, because you're stupid.

Yes indeed, Hasbro has really hit the jackpot with this one I tell ya. "The Electronic Talking eBay Game!" is the official title. Now you and up to 3 other players can sit at home like complete idiots and pretend to be bidding on eBay auctions! All the fun of a real auction without actually getting any of the cool merchandise in the end! What more could you ask for?

And my god, the game TALKS! If that doesn't make you want to run out to the store and buy it immediately, well then you just don't know what FUN is pal! And who knows what it will say to you!? Maybe it'll say "Thanks for wasting your money on this piece of shit game you pathetic vermin! By the way, I don't come with batteries so you'll have to go out and buy those too! Ha Ha! Sucker!". Well, you just won't know for sure until you buy it! But there's more!

Check out this description: "Outbid your opponents in this electronic bid and buy game. Features Internet-style bidding for clever gameplay!" You see? CLEVER gameplay! This is a game for CLEVER people! Are you CLEVER enough to understand that The Electronic Talking eBay Game can provide you with hours of CLEVER entertainment? I sure hope so! I'll be sending everyone in "the fam" a copy of this game for Christmas! They'll all love me forever now!

And when you're done playing the game, why you can just put it up on eBay for sale and sell it for twice the amount you paid for to some other loser! Then they'll do the same and so on and so forth until every loser on this planet has had this magnificent game in their hands! YOU WANT THIS GAME. YOU NEED THIS GAME. BUY IT NOW!

Wait... hold on! Wait just a minute there!

You know what... what about us little sites? What about the sites that aren't so huge that they can afford to make an idiotic board game to further promote their site and the decline of human intelligence as we know it? Sure, the big guys like eBay can make board games and gumballs and trading cards and rectal probes with their name on it, BUT WHAT ABOUT ME!?!? Surely a guy like me, who runs a much smaller site than eBay, needs your support more right? Where's MY board game huh!?

I've got a great game idea to help promote I-Mockery.com, all I need is the funding. I've even worked up a prototype for it! Here, I'll show it to you guys and give you all the details on this game that would SURELY be a hit with everybody!

Make 'Em Cry! - The Official I-Mockery.com Board Game!
Make 'Em Cry! - Fun For The Whole Family!
"Make 'Em Cry!" - The Official I-Mockery.com Board Game!
(still looking for funding)

Yes "Make 'Em Cry!" is my vision for what could be the greatest board game in the history of mankind. As the Official I-Mockery.com Board Game, "Make 'Em Cry!" would only help further promote the site. And I'm POSITIVE it would sell more than the eBay game would!

Each game would come with the following:

  • 1 Real Live Baby

  • 1 Real Live Brain-Eating Zombie

  • An Assortment of Weapons (guns, knives, whips, etc.)

  • A Megaphone so you can yell extra-loud obscenities at the baby

  • And a "Surprise Bag" which comes with a unique medieval torture device.
    No two Surprise Bags are the same! So the more copies of this board game you
    buy, the more medieval torture devices you'll have to use on the babies!

The object of the game is pretty simple: Make the Baby Cry!

Whoever can make the baby cry the longest and loudest wins! And should your baby expire, just send in the "Replacement Baby Coupon" and we'll send you a brand new one to mentally and physically abuse, absolutely free! And should the day come where we run out of babies to give out, well you can procreate and use your own kids in the game! Or if that doesn't float your boat, cuddly puppies make an excellent substitute!

So that's it in a nutshell. The best game ever. It's right here at our fingertips. All we need to do is get the funding for it. So send some emails to Hasbro and Milton Bradley, tell them about how they're missing the opportunity to put out what would surely become the world's most popular game EVER: "MAKE 'EM CRY!"

Running a big site like I-Mockery takes a lot o' time and costs moola too.
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