We all know
what every woman on earth dreams of. No, it's not sleeping with Johnny Depp, it's sleeping with a fat plumber named Mario. I kinda wish I had
these stupid pillows though. You see, one night when I was about 13, I
woke up in the middle of the night with a blood clot in my mouth. I was
bleeding like crazy and my pillow was literally drenched in blood.
I can only imagine how awesome it would have looked if it was one of these
Mario pillows. Can't you just picture a huge blood stain right where Mario
is punching the Goomba on that pillowcase? It would be as if the happy,
innocent world of Super Mario Bros. was turned into a brutal display of
Koopa blood and Goomba carnage.
Ah well, I
guess I'll have to stick with the memory of bleeding all over my Rainbow
Brite pillow instead. Er, wait! Did I say Rainbow Brite? I was just
kidding, no really. Pretend you didn't read that. I had G.I. Joe pillows!
Yeah that's it! YO JOE!! Goddamnit, I didn't have Rainbow Brite pillows!
I'm a tough, rugged, manly man! Really!!