Features

Ten Things I Like And Hate About Star Wars Episode I - The Phantom Menace
by: Protoclown

Last year I did a series of pieces featuring 10 Things I Like about each of the original Star Wars movies. They were some of the most popular pieces I've ever done, and I got a lot of emails requesting that I tackle the prequel trilogy as well. I naturally assumed they would have to be lists of the most awful things about the movies, but surprisingly, I got an almost equal number of people who wanted to see me list the awful things, and others who felt that would be too easy, so they wanted to see what on earth I would possibly come up with for positives when discussing those movies.

Since it's utterly impossible to do a list of ten good things about any of the prequels (because let's face it, there just aren't that many) and doing a list of things that suck would be far too easy, I decided to do an even split between the two. I would challenge myself to find five things I actually like about each movie, and I would somehow pare down all the bad things into a list of only five. Equally challenging both ways!

Five Things I Like About The Phantom Menace:

If you ask me, there are only two good things that came out of this movie: Qui-Gon Jinn, and the Destroyer Droids. And Lucas, in all his infinite wisdom decided to eliminate one of the two by the end. Merely listing those two things would be far too obvious, so I opted to mention more subtle elements in the movie that make me smile. Actually finding five of those things to talk about was not easy, by the way. Here goes:

1. Padme's Cool Blaster Noise

(click on the image to hear her blaster sound!)

Queen Amidala and her guards have got some of the coolest blasters in all of the Star Wars movies, and it's not really so much the look that's responsible for that, although they do look cool with their spare, sleek design. But no, it's the fact that they make such a bizarre, unique sound that I like so much. Pretty much every blaster in the Star Wars universe makes a similar sound; even Chewbacca's bowcaster sounds like the other blasters, so these pistols really stand out for being different. The first time I saw the movie, it took me a while to even identify that the weird noise I was hearing was the blaster pistols. It's just a fun alternative to the "pyew pyew pyew!" we're used to.

2. Lightsaber Key

On the Trade Federation ship, when the cowardly Federation goons send battle droids after the Jedi and hide behind their blast doors, Qui-Gon uses his lightsaber in a way we haven't seen before. Rather than slashing at the heavy doors, he thrusts the lightsaber straight into the door, causing the metal to overheat and start melting. It's the first time we get an idea of what a fully trained Jedi is capable of. Unfortunately, as we later learn, the more trained the Jedi, the greater the propensity for them to sit on their lazy ass in their little knitting circle and do nothing.

3. "Process them!"

This little moment always makes me laugh, where Queen Amidala and some of her aides are confronted by the main Trade Federation guy, Nute Gunray, on a staircase in her palace. He tells her to sign the treaty, she refuses, and in anger, he tells a battle droid to "process them!" but he says it in a sinister manner that actually makes it sound like some horribly painful fate awaits them rather than a guy with a pen ready to take down their name and other information.

4. Spider Chair

You only see the Spider Chair briefly, but it was enough to make me want one of my own. Nute Gunray is living it up in the Queen's palace on Naboo, and he's at least smart enough to know that if you're going to get around in style, you need a creepy Spider Chair to do it in. Heaven forbid someone in a position of power actually walk around on their own when they can be lazy about it. The only thing that would top the Spider Chair is a litter carried by slaves, but since the Trade Federation has tons of cheaply made droids, they have no need for slaves. And a litter pulled by droids is hardly worth a tinker's damn: hence, the SPIDER CHAIR!

5. Tusken Raider Snipers

This is easily the most enjoyable part of the entire movie for me, and the fact that it only lasts for about two seconds doesn't speak well of the rest of the film. During the pod race on Tatooine, the racers come out of a canyon into a wide open plain only to find that they're on the receiving end of potshots coming from some Tusken Raiders camped up along the neighboring cliff. I remember this scene got a lot of laughs in the theater, and the audience can enjoy the vicarious thrill of shooting at some of those goddamned annoying alien cartoon characters. If only their aim had been a little better when they were shooting at Anakin. Alas.

Five Things I Hate About The Phantom Menace:

As difficult as it was coming up with five things to talk about for the positive half, narrowing this down to five negatives was a lot harder. There are plenty of websites that list all the shitty things about these movies (and do a damn fine job of it), so I don't feel like I need to repeat those. Sure, I could mention the obvious things that suck, like every painful second that Jar Jar Binks is on screen, Jack Lloyd's "acting", the fact that Jabba the Hutt looks and sounds nothing like he does in Return of the Jedi, all the shitty poop humor, FUCKING midichlorians, transparently racist aliens, the ridiculous immaculate conception of Anakin, the uselessness of Darth Maul ("he just stood there!"), the child Greedo alien with the comically oversized head, "Wizard!", the two-headed douchebag pod race announcer, Ben Quadrinaro (the dumbest looking alien ever created), Anakin "accidentally" destroying the Trade Federation control ship, and so on.

If I went down that path, I wouldn't have time to write anything else for the site, so I've decided to call out a few unusual things that stick out like sore thumbs to me, things that I haven't necessarily heard a lot of people complaining about in the face of the more glaring elements mentioned above, but they're still stupid and deserve to mocked. I'm already expecting a ton of emails telling me I "forgot this or that", but let me tell you, I didn't forget these things (yes, I noticed that Jar Jar sucks, thank you)--I just wanted to talk about something different, that's all.

1. "Always two there are."

At Qui-Gon's funeral, Yoda and Mace Windu are talking about the "mystery warrior" that killed him and how he appeared to be a Sith. Windu questions whether the Sith have made a big return and Yoda says "Always two there are...no more, no less. A master and an apprentice." Now, if Yoda had simply said this line without the "no more, no less", it would make sense, because that would be a rather circuitous way of inferring that if there's one, there has to be somebody out there who trained him, who sent him, and so on. But no, apparently what Yoda is actually saying is that there can only be TWO Sith at any one time. And all I have to say is WHAT KIND OF STUPID FUCKING RULE IS THAT? Let's see, there are hundreds of Jedi running around, so I can just see the Sith recruitment officer confronting the line of prospective recruits saying "Hrmm... let's see, we're up to two members now. Sorry, gang, we're all full up!" One of them, let's say Christopher Lee, speaks up: "But--but--I hate the Jedi! I want to sign up too!" And the recruiting officer says "Sorry, I'm afraid there's nothing I can do. But soon as this Darth Maul chap (the recruitment officer is British) kicks off, you'll be first in line for the sign-ups. Cheerio!" No wonder the Sith suck so much, trying to fight an army of Jedi with two fucking guys.

2. Mr. Jump-To-Conclusions

Queen Amidala is talking to Senator Palpatine via the holographic comm, and suddenly the signal becomes garbled and cuts out. One of the guys sitting around blurts out "A communications disruption can mean only one thing--invasion!" Okay, fair enough, his suspicions turned out to be correct, but that's the only possible explanation for the signal cutting out? Really? My friend Sam imagined a scenario where somebody responded to him by saying "Woah there, Frank! Remember last week when the tower was down and you created a panic by sounding the air raid siren? Let's just hold our horses a moment, shall we?" It seems like he's jumping the gun just a bit here. Maybe he cheated and read the script ahead of time. And it turns out this guy's name is Sio Bibble. Let me say that again: Sio Bibble. There would be no place in my planetary government for a man (and I use that term loosely) named Bibble.

3. A Congratulations for R2-D2

What a stupid contrived scene this is. When Amidala and her people are making a run for it past the Trade Federation blockade, the ship's shield generator goes down, so a bunch of astromech droids are dispatched to the ship's exterior to repair the damage. The only droid who survives of course is the familiar R2-D2, who gives plenty of meaningful looks to the camera just in case we weren't sure. Because the droid served his purpose, they make a big deal out of it and everybody gathers around so that they can read off his name and the queen can formally congratulate him. This is ridiculous, as it basically equates to holding a ceremony for your toaster and thanking it for successfully making you some toast. The "queen" (who is really the decoy) makes the real queen clean the droid off, which I guess is some kind of revenge for all the shit that she's had to do in the name of the queen over the years. Also, because Artoo did his job, he then gets to tag along with the main characters for the rest of the movie. I realize that Lucas had to work R2-D2 into it somehow, but this shit is the best he could come up with? Seriously?

4. "He can help you...he was meant to help you."

Qui-Gon, Padme, and the wretched abomination are having dinner with Anakin and his mother, and Qui-Gon explains how they need to raise money to buy a new hyperdrive for their ship. Anakin offers to do a pod race to make them the money, but his mother disapproves, citing that the pod races are far too dangerous. Qui-Gon says that they'll find some other way to get the money and suddenly Anakin's mom does an about face and says "No, he can help you... he was meant to help you." And nobody pauses or thinks to ask "Why are you suddenly talking like a crazy person, lady?" Seriously, what the hell does that even mean? I mean, the lady has already claimed that there's no father, so apparently she thinks her kid is Jesus or something, and then she basically says that his purpose in life is to help raise Qui-Gon some money? Maybe she uses that line all the time though, and says things like "Anakin, you have no father. You are a miracle baby. You were meant to give your mother a foot massage. Come on, hurry up. These dogs are barkin'!"

5. Explosive Peace Ball

At the end of the movie, they have a stupid celebration scene that serves as a ham-fisted mirror of the award ceremony in A New Hope. The centerpiece of this one, however, is a glowy ball filled with magical light, like those ones at the Science Museum that you can touch and your hair stands on end because of the static electricity. Boss Nass (ugh) picks up the ball at the end, holds it up in the air for everyone to see, and shouts "Peace!" The whole scene smacks of being written by a fifth grader (so just how old was Lucas's adopted son at that time anyway?), but what gets me about it is how similar the "peace" ball looks to the Gungans' explosive ammunition balls. It would have been a simple matter for them to accidentally swap them out, or for a suicide bomber to approach Boss Nass with an explosive ball instead. I really wish that was how the movie ended.

So now it's begun. I got paid to do this, to watch The Phantom Menace again. And you know what? I don't think it was worth it. But I'm going to sit through the other two prequels later this year - not for the money, mind you. But for you guys. The fucking sacrifices I make for you people, I swear. Anyway, sound off below and let me know what things you personally would add to either list. And if you're some kind of deluded fanboy who wants to "defend the honor of the movie", for the love of god please post something below, because I could use a good laugh.

Help a Jedi clown out and DIGG this article!

Have any questions or comments about this piece?
Email Protoclown

If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:

Ten Things I Like About Return Of The Jedi!
Ten Things I Like About Return Of The Jedi!

Reader Comments

Member
Apr 23rd, 2008, 06:11 PM
First! Great article Proto!
Forum Virgin
Apr 23rd, 2008, 06:12 PM
I got one, I haven't seen the movie since it first came out on VHS, but the thing I remember that I really hated that was really random was Darth Maul's "theme" music. I really can't remember it, but I do remember it was trash. Seems like there was some sort of whispering or something.
Fish-Waffle
Apr 23rd, 2008, 06:57 PM
I didn't enjoy George Lucas's merchandising insanity. Anything and everything had the Phantom Menace logo slapped on it, and sadly I fell for most of it. =/

Anyone else here collect the special-edition Star Wars Pepsi Cans? Oh geeze, I'm weak...
Spiteful Jerk
Apr 23rd, 2008, 07:07 PM
I remember liking this movie when it came out in theaters, because I was thirteen and didn't yet appreciate things like "acting" or "dialogue". Then I watched it again when I was 19...

I'll take crappy acting of Jake Lloyd of Episode I over Darth Emo any day, though. The future Dark Lord of The Sith should not have a permanent pout.
Member
Apr 23rd, 2008, 07:49 PM
But I really did like Episode III, legitamately!
Fake Shemp
Apr 23rd, 2008, 07:51 PM
Like you said Proto - negatives are too numerous too list. But I do have to say that sitting in either a crowded theater (best) or even one that's almost empty, there's something fantastically wonderfully goosebump raising about having the Star Wars main theme assault your senses moments after "Once upon a time...." fades out. I'd say that's a positive that all three of the prequels have going for'em. Same goes for the rest of the PM score - most of it sounded right...
after enough bourbon ...
Apr 23rd, 2008, 08:41 PM
You do us all a great service - we are in your debt.
Suicidal Chipmunk
Apr 23rd, 2008, 08:58 PM
I'm only 15, probably among the youngest of I-mockery readers, but in my young age, I haven't yet come to hate much of anything... I can watch most anything, and still find a way to enjoy it. I mean, i have watched some SERIOUSLY horrible movies, and still liked most of it, even if it was just because of the horrible acting. If you name any bad movie, I could watch it and enjoy to some degree. Is that a bad thing, or am I just too young to know better at this point?
The Goddamned Batman
Apr 23rd, 2008, 09:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spruce Moose View Post
But I really did like Episode III, legitamately!
Not after I'm through with it, you won't.
Last of the Time Lords
Apr 23rd, 2008, 09:42 PM
Thing I liked:
Watto not falling for the stupid Jedi mind trick. And Qui-Gon actually has the cojones to try again, like maybe it will work the second time. The look on his face when waving his hand and saying "accept credits you hovering bastard" inexplicably doesn't work is priceless. I imagine that's what it's like whenever a celebrity gets told "no".

Thing I hated:
Why the name all that is fucking holy could Qui-Gon and Obi Won not tell that Padme was the real queen and the queen was her freaking decoy?! These are guys who, when a wookie farts halfway across the galaxy, feel a "great disturbance in the force". They are mindreaders, goddammit! Figure it out!
Member
Apr 23rd, 2008, 09:56 PM
Burn, I don't collect the cans, but I love the people that do. I got really lucky and found a gold Yoda can and sold it on Ebay for like 400 bucks.

As far as the prequels go. Maybe I am blinded by my love of Star Wars but I still find all three watchable. At the very leasts for the sabre fights.
The Magnificent Bastard
Apr 23rd, 2008, 10:21 PM
I don't think the prequels were quite as bad as everyone says they are. (We are talking 20+ years of hype, after all).

They really weren't as good as the original trilogy. Or that good, at all. But, Hollywood has vomited much worse abominations at us.

Also, some of the more thorough "Things Wrong with the Prequels" lists include things only the most devout Star Wars geek would give a ghost of a shit about.

For example, the made-up alien gibberish language in the prequels being different from the made-up alien gibberish language in the originals.

This article, on the other hand, was quite enjoyable and ridiculed true flaws that really deserve it.
Fanboy
Apr 23rd, 2008, 10:34 PM
I love these articles. I know the prequels are basically crap, but I do salvage some good times from them. They're not unwatchable, in my opinion; just annoying.

My favourite mo in TPM: the parent-and-child Jawas who we see watching the podrace, jumping and whooping as the racers go by. Like the Tusken Snipers, it was a two-second nod to the hardcore fans.

Yet there's so much to hate - least favourite mo would be THAT BLOODY KID. God how I hated him.

Eagerly awaiting the next article.
Can't touch this
Apr 23rd, 2008, 10:43 PM
Time for some Super-Nerdery! It makes sense to me that the Sith would only have two members. The Jedi have been running a holocaust basically on the Sith for fucking millenia. The Sith used to have a massive amount of members, just like the Jedi, but then they pretty much got wiped out. The Sith keep such a low membership so that they can stay under the Jedi radar and run a guerilla campaign against them. If there were a hundred Sith on Coruscant instead of just Palpatine, they'd be found out and destroyed. Remember how Anakin is supposed to "balance the Force"? And then remember how he helps Palpatine kill all the Jedi? After the Jedi cleansing, there are only TWO left; Yoda and Obi-Wan. How many Sith are there? TWO; Vader and Palpatine. Therefore balancing the Force. End my geeky tirade and my horrible grammar.
The Riddle Pimp
Apr 23rd, 2008, 11:20 PM
That spider chair is badass. Apparently it also works as a hologram projector.
Crazed Techno-Biologist
Apr 23rd, 2008, 11:29 PM
its because at the time he finally failed and went feeble minded, i mean looking at his former works and well writtens cripts, i feel his "reworking" of the originals [the ones whe wrote before part 4 and subsequently of the more recent films] to fit what he thought fans wanted, he ruined it.

and with the thing with the jedi having a ton and the sith having ONLY two, it makes sense later on.
there used to be like, equalish amounts until they got wiped out for being kinda evilish.
but then, they got what they had coming and it all got rebalanced.
Pretty much why Obi wan had to die, so that anakin could take HIS place and rebalance it all.

i think.
The Goddamned Batman
Apr 23rd, 2008, 11:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystik Tomato View Post
That spider chair is badass. Apparently it also works as a hologram projector.
Yes, but one must be careful not to sit on it while it is projecting a hologram, lest one have a HOLOGRAM WHERE A HOLOGRAM SHOULD NOT BE!
Forum Virgin
Apr 23rd, 2008, 11:56 PM
there is only one thing that i hate about the prequels with all my heart...
Jar jar Binks!
Fish-Waffle
Apr 24th, 2008, 01:42 AM
When did Phantom come out, '99?
Jar Jar's hijinks and antics delighted me when I saw the film opening weekend. In any case, it's not really that difficult to impress a ten-year-old. =[
As u wish...
Apr 24th, 2008, 01:46 AM
....crossing fingers, eyes closed...(please mention how cool Jango Fett's pistols sounded in AToC! please mention how cool Jango Fett's pistols sounded in AToC!)
Smooth Operator
Apr 24th, 2008, 02:12 AM
Are midichlorians an std? Like space-crabs.

I just like to pretend that these prequels don't exsist. I'm happy with the original trilogy.
pickled
Apr 24th, 2008, 02:41 AM
I wish George Lucas had never made the prequels.
Member
Apr 24th, 2008, 03:39 AM
Let me tell you, it actually was a thrill when Phantom Menace came out and my boyfriend and his best friend won tickets for us to go see it at a midnight showing. Watching through it the first time was a trip, although it was possible to see some of the glaring flaws even then (the "accidental" explosion of the control ship, for example), but JarJar didn't get annoying until about the third watch-through (I worked at a store where we could show movies and that was one they found 'acceptable for in-store play.') I'm not raving mad about the prequels (I've never been a die hard Star Wars fan, I just like them.) but I can agree that they don't live up to the originals. Most sequels (heh) never do.

Personally, I found more flaws in the second movie than the first (and I've yet to see the third). I'm curious to see if any of my dislikes make the list.
Enginseer
Apr 24th, 2008, 03:57 AM
Thanks for taking one for us again Proto.

Can't we just try to forget about these prequels and pretend they never happened? Ignorance can be bliss sometimes.
drifting in the void
Apr 24th, 2008, 09:12 AM
Apart from the character-we-do-not-talk-about and Anakin Skywalker - Boy-Idiot-Miracle, I must say...I can enjoy the movie...more or less...still the weakest of the three Iīd say...even though I hate Anakin in all three movies...hmm. A well, at least some of the Lightsaber-Duels were nice.
Forum Virgin
Apr 24th, 2008, 09:34 AM
My big bitch was Darth Maul being slashed in half by a frigging apprentice/padawan. Maybe Liam Neeson said he would do this one if they promise to kill him so he would'nt be in the next ones.
Forum Virgin
Apr 24th, 2008, 09:43 AM
I have to object to #1. I don't know if you'll see it but the "Rule of Two" was not a lucas creation and in fact is part of the expanded universe (novels etc.). It was created thousands of years before because the Sith aren't quite as agreeable as the Jedi, so there would be a constant power struggle as to who "led" them. As a result Darth Bane put forth the rule of two, that there'd only be a Master and Apprentice. They could have thousands of lackeys who were Force users (and in fact they often did) but they were not true Sith Lords.
Retardedly Handsome
Apr 24th, 2008, 10:00 AM
What I don't understand is why everyone says they hate these movies, but I'm pretty sure we all own copies of them. I bought this one the night it came out. It was the collectors VHS pack, because I didn't have a DVD player yet...then I had to buy it on DVD.

So just to add it up I've spent about $60 just to see this polished turd.
Ghoul
Apr 24th, 2008, 10:45 AM
I managed to purposely avoid every commercial and piece of promo art for this movie prior to its release. I wanted to go into the theater with a completely blank slate: I didn't know what the characters would look like or what the story would be about (besides it being Anakin's background). When friends brought it up, I excused myself. Man, what a let down. I've never put so much effort into avoiding spoilers since.
is hopped up on goofballs
Apr 24th, 2008, 11:11 AM
"What I don't understand is why everyone says they hate these movies, but I'm pretty sure we all own copies of them. I bought this one the night it came out. It was the collectors VHS pack, because I didn't have a DVD player yet...then I had to buy it on DVD."
Nope, haven't paid a dime to Lucas since he trashed the OT and killed Chewbacca. This from a man who bought every bit of Star Wars junk he could get his hands on prior to that.
なにをみてんだよ
Apr 24th, 2008, 11:21 AM
If you have BitTorrent, I suggest downloading a copy of "The Phantom Edit" or "The Phantom Re-Edit 1.1" (I prefer the re-edit, it's a little longer and tighter). Some people re-edited the movie so it's a little more palatable: less Jar-Jar! no mention of midichlorians! etc! They're much better movies, but it's still just putting glitter on shit.

http://www.theforce.net/rouser/revie...tomre-edit.asp

http://www.theforce.net/rouser/reviews/phantomedit.asp
Riot Control
Apr 24th, 2008, 11:42 AM
I guess that it was ridiculous too when my mom asked me to clean the toaster downstairs... Fortunately there were no bastards wearing orange cloaks around to think I was honoring it.
Member
Apr 24th, 2008, 12:50 PM
Man, that spider chair is awesome. Add rocket launchers to it and you got an old school NES boss character. Now, to those that think Lucas got anything from the Expanded Universe, you're dead wrong. Lucas keeps contradicting the stuff from the books and his PR people keep saying that only the movies count as real Star Wars content (so Chewie lives and Boba Fett is as dead as cubism). I guess it makes sense, since he didn't have a hand in making those stories and he does own the I.P. but it's funny to think that they took the concept fanfiction and managed to make a buck off it. Actually, that's brilliant now that I think about it.
Master of Awesome Sauce!
Apr 24th, 2008, 01:59 PM
You are right on the money when you say Qui-Gon Jinn and the Destroyer Droids were the best parts. But i have too admit, I use to like Jar-Jar!!!! Then I realized he sucked,and began worshiping the best character ever: Kit Fisto!
Forum Virgin
Apr 24th, 2008, 02:11 PM
jonny#5, hate to sound like a freaky fanboy, but actually all the novels are lucas arts licensed and are considered "canon" meaning they are official stories and the information in them is treated as "reality" within the star wars universe. The rule of two was Darth Bane's creation because of all the sith lords fighting amongst each other and undermining the greater goal of the sith.
Retardedly Handsome
Apr 24th, 2008, 02:47 PM
I did the same thing as argonath to avoid everything I could far all 3 none the less....At least I know I'm not alone in my nerd-dom. I can't wait to tell my girlfriend that I'm not some spaz.
Retardedly Handsome
Apr 24th, 2008, 02:48 PM
I'll have to give props to rizzo for being of stronger will than I....kudos to you sir.
Clap if you love Dynamo
Apr 24th, 2008, 03:01 PM
I see a ton of hate for the "emo Anakin" with people saying, "Darth Vader would never whine like that". I get that you hate him, but ask yourself this; What would the adolescent father of a person who whines about Power Converters from Tashi station, a blast shield over his eyes, and Tatooine being the planet furthest from a bright center of the universe, sound like?

Seems to me "Emo Anakin" makes perfect sense as the apple didn't fall far from the tree :P
is hopped up on goofballs
Apr 24th, 2008, 04:09 PM
"hate to sound like a freaky fanboy, but actually all the novels are lucas arts licensed and are considered "canon" meaning they are official stories and the information in them is treated as "reality" within the star wars universe. The rule of two was Darth Bane's creation because of all the sith lords fighting amongst each other and undermining the greater goal of the sith."

You're wrong and you're right. The EU is official and tightly controlled, but doesn't necessarily apply to the movie universe. For example, almost everything in the PT about the Clone Wars directly contradicts the CW's as described in the EU, yet it still had to be Lucas approved to make it into the EU. That's yet another thing that pissed me off about the PT; the Clone Wars, even just the bits and pieces that were mentioned in the EU, seemed much cooler than they were shown to be in the PT.
ni kar'tayl gar darasuum
Apr 24th, 2008, 04:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doctor_Who View Post

Thing I hated:
Why the name all that is fucking holy could Qui-Gon and Obi Won not tell that Padme was the real queen and the queen was her freaking decoy?! These are guys who, when a wookie farts halfway across the galaxy, feel a "great disturbance in the force". They are mindreaders, goddammit! Figure it out!

Qui-Gon knew- better to boss her around- he even baits her into revealing herself, but she's too stubborn to give up her tatooine adventure.

best deleted scene- tuskens sniping scavenging jawas
ni kar'tayl gar darasuum
Apr 24th, 2008, 04:38 PM
THE BEST THING ABOUT JARJAR- ewoks haver never looked cooler.
Freak Power
Apr 24th, 2008, 05:08 PM
Lucas is possibly the single greatest money-whore in Hollywoods long existance... First it was the "Star Wars Boxed Set" then the "Star Wars New Previously Unreleased Box Set" then on and on and on ad nauseum to the point now where he's preparing to whore out the Clone Wars as a new and improved series on TV... when will it end? ...the...Horror...the...Horror.....
Fake Shemp
Apr 24th, 2008, 07:04 PM
Fear N Loathing - it'll only end when us saps stop buying every single re-issue that is released...

Now excuse me whilst I head out and buy the latest uber special boxed collectors directors elite limited edition Evil Dead tribute set....again....
Jason's a Furry! Run!
Apr 24th, 2008, 07:12 PM
Yes, another list. And it's one of the long-awaited Star Wars Prequel ones to boot. Score.

I remember when I saw this back in... whenever it came out ('99, right? Think so, I was 9 at the time), I enjoyed it. It entertained me, I liked most of the battles, and so on and so forth. Of course, I also remember that my knowledge of Star Wars in general was quite limited (sure, I had watched them time and time again, but I didn't really 'get' them. I didn't get into the whole mythology and such), so such enjoyment could be expected.

I also remember that, even as a 9 year old, the Gungangs still bugged the hell out of me. I mean, I'd take another Ewok apperance as opposed to more of those easily-killable frog things (at least the monster fish down in the ocean were really cool).
The Magnificent Bastard
Apr 24th, 2008, 08:26 PM
My biggest problem was Darth Maul.

The whole summer, there was all the hype about Darth Maul being the new bad-ass villain of the Star Wars universe, but in the actual movie, he only appeared for like 2 seconds, and all he did was suck and die!

I gotta say, the insane amount of hype made for a fun summer, this was like the only movie where all the hype and cross-promotions were better than the actual movie.
Forum Virgin
Apr 24th, 2008, 10:57 PM
You gotta love how the decoy pretty much makes Padme her bitch until the "big" reveal.
Can't touch this
Apr 24th, 2008, 11:14 PM
Why the Ewok hate? I love those little fuckers. I have an Ewok plushy. Though it'll become a Moogle if I can find another Beanie Baby dragon... But come on, those little bear thingys defeated the Empire with ROCKS AND STICKS. If there should be hate directed anywhere, it should be at the dumbass Stormtroopers that got defeated by ROCKS AND STICKS.
Member
Apr 25th, 2008, 12:08 AM
Actually, I don't own any of the movies either. Just never been that much into them.

And as for Darth Bane, being a gamer geek, I can't help but giggle every time I hear his name. It just *sounds* fanfictionish, like someone took Vader and the Lord of darkness, evil, etc etc, and threw them together because they were two favorite villains.
Forum Virgin
Apr 25th, 2008, 05:58 AM
PM would of been better if there had been a massacre of gungans.Wish they had killed Wato or how ever you spell it, he was freaking annoying.
No Future Guy
Apr 25th, 2008, 02:19 PM
I really really liked Sebulba's pod racer.
Fake Shemp
Apr 25th, 2008, 06:12 PM
El Sammo - you answered your own question "Why the Ewok hate?" twice in your own post :P

1) I have an Ewok plushy
2) They defeated the Empire with rocks and sticks
Forum Virgin
Apr 25th, 2008, 08:32 PM
Well the reason why Yoda said no more no less is because, oh christ listen to me I sound like a goddamn fan boy.
Can't touch this
Apr 25th, 2008, 10:05 PM
Well Ferrit, being a fan of the Empire, I have to give the little things kudos for beating the shit out of the Stormtroopers, as cheaply armoured and shoddily trained they may be.
Forum Chaos Lord
Apr 26th, 2008, 03:11 AM
One thing that could have made Episode 1 900% better:
Cast Sean Connery for the role of Qui-Gon.
Dirty Birdy
Apr 26th, 2008, 04:12 PM
I haven't geeked out on the web about this, but did anybody else notice THE glaring inconsistency in this movie? In ESB when Luke returns to Dagobah to complete his training, there's an exchange between Yoda and Obi Wan's "force ghost" to the extent that Obi wan defends Luke at one point by asking Yoda "Was I any different when you trained me?" So...I call gundark crap on Qui Gon even being in the first movie. That and... I have to rescind one criticism I made. I hated the NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO scene...but upon rewatching the original trilogy it's pretty obvious that DV is still ruled by emotion...IE...the dark side!
Forum Virgin
Apr 26th, 2008, 06:41 PM
I like star wars but I thank christ I NEVER saw any part of any of the new movies.. they look so terrible I just hear bad ater bad thing about them.. It seems like lucas destroyed what was good abotu star wars completely
ni kar'tayl gar darasuum
Apr 26th, 2008, 06:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by RadioNinja View Post
I haven't geeked out on the web about this, but did anybody else notice THE glaring inconsistency in this movie? In ESB when Luke returns to Dagobah to complete his training, there's an exchange between Yoda and Obi Wan's "force ghost" to the extent that Obi wan defends Luke at one point by asking Yoda "Was I any different when you trained me?" So...I call gundark crap on Qui Gon even being in the first movie.
NO inconsistency there: Obi-Wan's training was started by Yoda (like all temple padawans) and wasn't training under Gui-Gon until age 12 (like his 7th year of training if not more). Luke's training under Yoda (like his 2nd year of training at best) is far more basic and generalized- but most compared to Obi-Wan's temple years where he disobeyed Yoda plenty of times [as seen in Jedi Apprentice series by Jude Watson]. Furthermore any senior Jedi, especially the Jedi council, is considered a trainer for any wisdom/advice/discipline passed down. And if the EU dosn't float your boat, there's always the end scenes where Obi-Wan takes little orphan Annie as his padawan regardless of what Yoda thinks, before he knows the council outvoted Yoda over young Skywalker's training. And finally, and most importantly, If you read this whole reply about OT VS PT inconsistency: go outside and get some exercise fanboy
Dirty Birdy
Apr 26th, 2008, 09:55 PM
Quote:
NO inconsistency there: Obi-Wan's training was started by Yoda (like all temple padawans) and wasn't training under Gui-Gon until age 12 (like his 7th year of training if not more). Luke's training under Yoda (like his 2nd year of training at best) is far more basic and generalized- but most compared to Obi-Wan's temple years where he disobeyed Yoda plenty of times [as seen in Jedi Apprentice series by Jude Watson]. Furthermore any senior Jedi, especially the Jedi council, is considered a trainer for any wisdom/advice/discipline passed down. And if the EU dosn't float your boat, there's always the end scenes where Obi-Wan takes little orphan Annie as his padawan regardless of what Yoda thinks, before he knows the council outvoted Yoda over young Skywalker's training. And finally, and most importantly, If you read this whole reply about OT VS PT inconsistency: go outside and get some exercise fanboy
TELL EM STEVE-DAVE!
Forum Virgin
Apr 27th, 2008, 12:00 AM
Star Wars 1 stinks
Emu Emu is offline
Level 29 ♂
Apr 27th, 2008, 01:06 AM
Yeah man
grants but one wish
Apr 27th, 2008, 07:27 PM
ahh qui-gon, is there nothing he can't do?, any scene with quigon automatically becomes cool.

and the peace bomb: jar jar binks, is he really that stupid? or is it all an act, is he plotting some from of revenge?
Student of Cereal Lore
Apr 27th, 2008, 08:12 PM
Personally I kinda like the idea of "always two there are, no more, no less" because that means that the moment Darth Maul died Palpatine had to quick look around and go "You there, your now a Sith apprentice!" to the best candidate he could see to guarantee that there would be no less then two sith.
Forum Virgin
Apr 29th, 2008, 01:01 AM
I personally believe that there was nothing George Lucas could have done to top 4-6, nothing. He could not meet any of our fanboy expectations to the hilt and I'm sure he knew it. In fact, I bet his sole intentions were to simply entertain, which seemed to work on all of the youngins who didn't see 4-6 in the theaters.
Itsa me!
Apr 29th, 2008, 09:27 PM
Something I've always hated about Star Wars is how they make action figures of the most one dimensional characters that serve no purpose to the plot. Who the fuck knows of any of those bastards.
Doctor Caliente
Apr 30th, 2008, 10:00 AM
My loathing for episodes 1 and 2 knows no bounds. (I nearly walked out of the theater during the whole "Anakin/Padme falling in love" fiasco...) Episode 3 was only slightly better in that I think I only rolled my eyes about 20 times during the movie as opposed to about 50 during the first two. Part of the reason I may have like Episode 3 better may be due to the fact that I knew the torture was finally coming to an end.

George Lucas = WORST DIALOG WRITER EVER.
Combine that with terrible acting (I'm looking at you Hayden C.) and you have a recipe for disaster...
ni kar'tayl gar darasuum
Apr 30th, 2008, 05:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruxader View Post
My loathing for episodes 1 and 2 knows no bounds. (I nearly walked out of the theater during the whole "Anakin/Padme falling in love" fiasco...) Episode 3 was only slightly better in that I think I only rolled my eyes about 20 times during the movie as opposed to about 50 during the first two. Part of the reason I may have like Episode 3 better may be due to the fact that I knew the torture was finally coming to an end.

George Lucas = WORST DIALOG WRITER EVER.
Combine that with terrible acting (I'm looking at you Hayden C.) and you have a recipe for disaster...
waa waa waa- everyone can make a better prequel than GL. Probally, but it seems like the EU was the big winner of the PT- and at the end of the day, it's still better than any other sci-fi (looking at you Trek).
Doctor Caliente
May 1st, 2008, 12:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kybo Ren View Post
waa waa waa- everyone can make a better prequel than GL. Probally, but it seems like the EU was the big winner of the PT- and at the end of the day, it's still better than any other sci-fi (looking at you Trek).
Hmmm. Yep, I re-read my original post and no where in it did I state that I could make a better prequel than Lucas. I was simply making an observation that any human with about a 6th grade knowledge of modern English can tell that the dialog was awful. It was made even worse because Hayden C. is a terrible actor and Natalie Portman and Ewen McGregor basically mailed it in...

I do, however, agree that it is better than Star Trek.
OH GOD
May 1st, 2008, 12:44 AM
nuh uh
Wookalar
May 2nd, 2008, 03:28 PM
After waiting all those years, waiting for more Star Wars, SO HYPED after all those years, waiting for the prequel, The only thing I could say after the movie was:
"well, the pod race was cool".

It was like my friends and I had left the funeral of our best friend and we were staring at the ground saying mundane things like:

"the flowers were pretty, there were so many"
"it was a nice service"

UTTERLY DISSAPOINTING

Thank you for re-enduring this movie to entertain us. I agree with the things that you liked about TPM, although they are SO brief within the film.
Fish-Waffle
May 5th, 2008, 01:48 AM
So... Where can I find the fan-edited version?
Forum Virgin
May 9th, 2008, 10:31 AM
In the original trailer for TPM (which we all thought was awesome and promised so much...) the number 1 thing you hate - "Always two there are." - that line was shortened without the "no more, no less" part.

Looking forward to the next two prequel write-ups (though I'm sorry you have to sit through them again).

God, I hate these prequels.
Imperial Stormtrooper
Jun 25th, 2008, 06:15 AM
I don't know, honestly i enjoyed the prequels..well this is coming from a fan boy who can't get enough of anything "Star Wars". But to be honest the prequels don't hold a candle to the original trilogy. But overall an enjoyable experience.
Sardonically Delicious
Jul 6th, 2008, 01:23 AM
One thing that irked the hell out of me was that line about there only ever being two Sith. It was like Lucas just took a giant steaming dump on all of the novels and comics that have kept his series alive over the decades since Jedi was released. Hell, Knights of the Old Republic should have been used as the model for the prequels, or at least a Shadows of the Empire movie.
Forum Virgin
Oct 5th, 2008, 07:49 PM
I would like to see a prequel to the prequels. Something similar to the video games "Knights of the Old Republic." If only we can somehow keep Lucas' hands out of it though and let some new blood take on the task.
Forum Virgin
Jun 22nd, 2009, 08:07 AM
Every time I watch these movies, I think to myself that George Lucas takes it upon himself to kill the best two live action characters that appear, and often in a manner that is inappropriate to the awesomeness of the characters involved (Boba Fett being case in point for movies 4-6, showing Lucas' propensity for such behavior).

In this first movie, I agree that Qui Gon Jinn was one of the decent characters, and that his death was a waste because of the loss of potential quality for the later movies...maybe. The second character was Darth Maul. Ray Park (the actor who played Darth Maul, Toad in the first X-Men movie, and Snake Eyes in the upcoming GI Joe movie) has an incredible sense of kinesthetic acting, and I can feel the dark, savage rage that fuels him as he moves, sort of like watching a hungry tiger prowling its cage. When he is allowed to just let go, as he does in the brief fight scene where he first fights Qui Gon Jinn on Tatooine, it is downright frightening to watch, because the speed and ferocity he uses (and the desperation of Qui Gon to escape with his life) is exactly what you would expect in a real fight between a master and a halfway decent amateur.

To me, Darth Maul's death was much the same as the death of Boba Fett (case-in-point) in terms of anticlimax. George Lucas does not believe in letting bad guys die in a dignified manner, and the cooler the bad guys in question, the less dignified the final fate that awaits them.
Forum Virgin
Apr 11th, 2011, 12:44 AM
Funny.
(But Immaculate Conception doesn't mean what you think it means. The Concept of Immaculation is not related to anything biological or babies, so it wouldn't apply here. GIYF.)
All expenses to Thailand
Apr 11th, 2011, 04:59 AM
Man, when's Protoclown going to do the Episode 3 one?

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