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Punch Out!! 2: Doc Strikes Back

If you are any sort of man other than the one dad used to call you if you'd failed to live up to his expectations again, you have experienced one of the greatest, if not THE greatest Nintendo Entertainment System game ever to be created: Mike Tyson's Punch Out!!. In this hyperrealistic, and very politically incorrect boxing simulation, you took on the role of Little Mac, a silly 17-year old Bronx midget who thought he could make it in the world of professional boxing. During all the spectacle involved, one undeniably classic character stuck with us - well, besides "Soda Popinski". And that character is Doc Louis, Mac's charismatic coach.

Doc Louis

Doc, an overweight, balding black man, pulled Mac through whenever he started to buckle. When Mac was whining because he couldn't figure out how to best a savage like "King Hippo", Doc would provide him with cryptic, yet useless tips. Had Mac gotten his face mangled by "Great Tiger", then Doc would gladly tell him "Don't give up Mac! Join the Nintendo Fun Club today!".

But who is Doc? More accurately, who was he? I'll tell you who he was. An ex-heavyweight champion, known far and wide around 1954. A killer, a taker-aparter, a menace. But all that was before he would be forced into a life of tapping Little Mac's arm and trying to ditch his young, pink-clad pupil by cycling away from him real fast in the roughest ghetto's of NY. But, Doc had his own aspirations... his desire to be at the top once more. And having pulled Mac through the championship, he was ready to make a comeback.

Punch Out 2!!
He's back, and he's old.

Doc Strikes Back

Even though, by now, Doc was roughly 65 years old, he felt more than ready to engage in old fashioned pugilism again. His journey to the top would now bring him face to face with many of the broad-shouldered foes Little Mac himself had faced. "Bald Bull", "Mr. Sandman", even the dreaded "Super Macho Man". Doc would need a man of much experience to coach him, so who better than...


Doc's Coach

...Little Mac? The only logical choice. Truth be told, Mac had not done much since his victory other than hang around with professional prostitutes and intake large amounts of cocaine through multiple bodily orifices. And there had been those three unsuccessful suicide attempts. In fact, one could say Mac had become a bitter, depressed, cynical asshole. But that could not stop him from becoming Doc's coach.

Mac preps Doc for the fight
"Join the Nintendo Fun Club today, Doc!"


Mac gives Doc some advice during the fight

Piston Honda mocks the fat, old geezer

Mac had a lot of wisdom to pass on to his old coach. Perhaps not all of it was helpful, and maybe Mac didn't have that much confidence in the man that saved him from a life of doing cheap gay porn flicks to provide for his midget snuff addiction. But all that matters is that a new generation of gamers can intake in the excitement and miracle of Punch Out!!, and an old generation can rejoice at this long-awaited sequel.

Doc's significantly different physique required, of course, a different type of playing style. So, the A and B buttons, formerly Right Punch and Left Punch, are now "Soft Tap" and "Weak Bump". Doc's inability to jump (arthritis) led to the nixing of the Up function. Left, Right and Down let Doc take on various cowering positions. A "Star" is no longer used to deliver a spinning, jumping uppercut, but to make Doc run around the ring in blind terror.

Doc's Opponents:

Catching the old Punch Out characters on their way back to Nintendo's Virtu-Ring studios, we managed to get some comments out of them regarding Doc's comeback. Here is what they had to say...

Doc flees from a training session with a box of donuts

Glass Joe"Glass Joe", French accountant
"Why did Mr. Louis have to come back out of retirement? I didn't do anything, man! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"

"Von Kaiser", German history teacher
"Louis is no match for me. I shall destroy him and regain my title as #2 in the minor circuit. This, I swear! KAISER, KAISER ÜBER ALLES..."
Von Kaiser

Piston Honda"Piston Honda", Japanese car salesman
"Fuji, Kodak, Domo Kun, Playstation..."

"Don Flamenco", Spanish Olympic dancer
"My hair! I love my hair! Don't you love my hair? Huh, who? Doc Louis? He has no hair. I love my hair!"
Don Flamenco

King Hippo"King Hippo", Quantum physicist at NASA
"Doc's comeback is a welcome distraction from my private life. I've been a wreck since Angelina Jolie divorced me. What was I thinking when I agreed to do that Captain N show?"

"Great Tiger", Indian hypnotist
"Doc Louis is no match for my TIGER PUNCH ™. Well... actually I'm supposed to call it my 'Bombay Bash' now. Capcom tried to sue the pants off me."
Great Tiger

Bald Bull"Bald Bull", Turkish disco bouncer
"It's about time. I got tired of doing villain parts in low-budget Bollywood films."

"Soda Popinski", Professional Drunk
"Ha ha ha ah ha ha ah ah! Ha ha ha ah ha ha ha ah ha! Ha ha ah ha ha ha! Er... what was the question again?"
Soda Popinski

Mr. Sandman"Mr. Sandman", Sweat Shop overseer for Nike sports wear
"Doc Louis? Ain't he dead?"

"Super Macho Man", Porn star
"For the last time, stop bugging me about the jiggling manboobs thing, I swear I didn't do it on purpose!"
Super Macho Man

Mike Tyson"Mike Tyson", World famous boxer and cannibal
[Unfortunately, Mr. Tyson was unavailable for comment, currently serving a six months sentence for molesting and partially eating a 5-year old. His manager gave us the following statement by telephone:]
"Punch Out? What the hell? Who? Doc Louis? Evander, is this you again?"

New characters

Of course Punch Out 2 would not be complete without a few new characters thrown in the mix. Nintendo's developers spent much time perfecting this new trio, studying both worldwide joke culture and pamphlets of conservative political parties.

Earl Grey"Earl Grey", Cambridge librarian
"I say, this Doc Louis sounds like a particularly bloated sort of fellow. He shall whimper as I mercilessly thrash him to within an inch of his life. And then I shall have tea."

"Paddy O'Coke" (formerly Blotto McBoozehound), Sheep herder
"Oi. That Doc Louis is goin' down. Say, ye wouldn't happen to have some lager - I mean uh, "cola" on you, would ye?"
Paddy O'Coke

Doctor Negro Workshy"Doctor Negro Workshy", Part-time basketball player
"Yo yo, wut up. This dude Louis right here, I'ma rape him, steal his money and then sell drugs to his children. Yeah tha's right. What you got bitch? Word."

There you have it. Needless to say, all the fun and action is still there!
So head on over to your local NES dealer immediately, and indulge yourself
in the magic of Punch Out!! 2: Doc Strikes Back!

Are you ready for Retirement?

mail FatSatan
by FatSatan

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