I don't
think many people out there would disagree about "Thriller" being the best
horror-themed music video ever. It had zombies that puked up black blood,
it had Vincent Price say cool things like "The funk of forty thousand
years!", and it had Michael Jackson almost looking scarier than he does
today. As awesome as the video was, one other horror video/song from the 80's
always comes to my mind whenever the Halloween season comes around. That
song is Rockwell's "Somebody's Watching Me", and I recently
obtained the video for it on VH-1 Classic.
For those of
you who don't know who Rockwell is, he's the son of Motown founder Berry
Gordy. His real name was Kennedy William Gordy, so I guess it's
understandable why he changed it to Rockwell later on. I mean, let's be
serious folks... a song with a horror theme isn't going to be that
marketable if it's by a guy named "Kennedy William Gordy". GORDY!
He's also the ex-brother in law of Jermaine Jackson, who is of course one
of Michael Jackson's brothers. Christ, I feel like I'm playing "the six
degrees of separation" here. Anyway, I'm guessing he met Michael Jackson
through Jermaine, because he talked Michael Jackson into singing backup on
the song. If you haven't heard the song yet,take a listen
because it rules. But what about the music video for this eerie song? How does it
fare?
It all
starts off with Rockwell arriving at his home and picking up his daily
newspaper. Of course, it's an Asian paper. And just look at the text, it's
written vertically! OMG! I guess that's supposed to be kinda spooky,
right?
Ah, now
we're getting somewhere! As soon as he steps inside his house, there's a
zombie guy inside the grandfather clock. Half of his face is melted off
and all he does is stare mindlessly at you. But this is just the start of
the madness...
Animals run
wild in Rockwell's home! He's got a dog who always creeped me out. I don't
know why, but it's face always looked so dark to me when I was a kid.
Those hollow eyes gave it an emotionless expression that had me convinced
if I didn't keep my eye on it, it would eat my face. There's also a raven
flying around in the kitchen. Uh oh! Now we've got some symbolism of death
stirring up in our pot of musical horror! Tasty!
NICE BOXERS!
Ok, now one
of the things we have to endure through the entire video are cuts to
Rockwell in the shower lathering himself up while singing. Don't worry
though, you can get the thought of him being naked out of your head
quickly, because, due to some brilliant camera work, we see that
he's wearing boxers. Maybe he's wearing them because he always feels
like somebody's watching him? Ha Ha! I get it now! :/
Back to more
Rockwell exploring his house. He seems disturbed by all the crap hanging
on his walls. There's some kind of wolf/cat monster head trophy on one of
the walls. I'd like to know where he went hunting to get that sucker.
Probably a flea market.
"Can the
people see me on TV or am I just paranoid?" Well he answers that question
pretty quickly as he walks up to the TV, only to find two guys torturing
him in a chair. Then they run up to the screen and yell at him in real
life! Wow, I've heard about that "interactive tv" stuff, but I had no idea
the technology was available back in the 80's.
Now Rockwell
heads outside, and wouldn't ya know it? He's got a graveyard back there,
and one of the tombstones has his name on it. No, not Kennedy William Gordy.
Even in death he was too much of a pansy to bear that name. Rockwell
leaves a flower for himself, I guess this was supposed to be a premonition
about his music career. Oh yeah, there's also a semi-naked guy standing
behind him. But all he does is blankly stare at the sky, so I don't think
he's too much of a threat. Besides, Rockwell should be happy that anybody
even cared enough to show up at his funeral.
Cut to more
singing in the shower, but this time there's a mysterious phantom woman
dancing outside of it. At least someone likes hearing him sing in the
shower while watching him get all lathered up. There's also a quick shot
of the bathtub covered in blood... a sign of things to come? You bet. But
before that, a true moment of terror is headed right for our feet!
PIG-DOG!
A fucking
PIG-DOG! He's half pig, half dog, ALL BUSINESS! The dog that was already scary enough to begin with now has a pig
face! It's chasing Rockwell down with all of the piggy might that it can
muster! Rockwell then slams the door on it, and it's turned back into the
regular dog. Was he seeing things? Nah, couldn't be! Like any genius in a
house filled with things that want to kill, eat, and maybe help lather him
up with soap... Rockwell runs into the nearest closet.
Whatchoo doin' in my closet?
Now some people
have skeletons in their closet. Rockwell just happens to have creepy
looking guy that wears all of his clothes hanging in there.
How many times have we seen this?
Can't have a
horror video without at least one big horror movie cliché right? Sure
enough, the water from the shower nozzle become blood! Well, it looks more
like Hawaiian Punch to me, but that's still spookier than plain old water
right?
Rockwell
decides that he's had enough of the shower. All the scrubbing in the world
can't wash away the dirty evil that wants to...
FEED HIM A PIG!
Yes indeed,
not only do the zombies roll their eyes back and say absolutely nothing,
but it turns out that they're pretty decent cooks. And when I say decent,
I don't mean some Chef Boyardee Beef Ravioli. I mean a fancy schmancy
roasted pig! They even through in a bonus naked girl under Rockwell's bed.
Of course, I'm pretty sure she's dead... but hey, whatever floats your
boat, Rockwell.
Wait a
second! His room was just filled with all the cheap props from the video!
Tombstones, birds, zombies, pigs... and now it looks completely normal!
What's up with that? Hey wait, there's somebody calling Rockwell from
outside!
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"
Rockwell
heads outside, obviously quite disoriented. I mean, if your room went from
looking like a graveyard to an episode of Martha Stewart Living in a
matter of seconds, you'd probably be wonder if something was wrong with
you too. He looks down from his balcony to see who is is. Well if it isn't
the friendly mailman!
OR IS IT!?
Mailman or
Zombie? Zombie or Mailman? Rockwell rubs his eyes and finally decides that
his mind has been playing tricks on him. So he bolts down the stairs to
get his mail...
a
LOOK
OUT ROCKWELL! THAT'S NO ORDINARY MAILMAN! HE'S GOT A
ZOMBIE ARM!
Shit, I
think he got Rockwell. They don't show it, but the last thing we see is the
creepy mailman zombie guy lifting up his zombie arm. Plus, do any of you
remember any other Rockwell songs after this one? I sure as hell don't.
Perhaps he was a one hit wonder, not because he didn't have super
songwriting skills, but because the zombie mailman guy killed him! HOLY
SWEET BASTARD THAT'S SCARY!
(Who's
watching)
(Tell me who's watching)
(Who's watching me)
I'm just an average man with an average life
I work from nine to five, hey hell, I pay the price
All I want is to be left alone in my average home
But why do I always feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone, and
I always feel like somebody's watching me
And I have no privacy (oh oh oh)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Tell me, is it just a dream
When I come home at night
I bolt the door real tight
People call me on the phone, I'm trying to avoid
Well, can the people on TV see me or am I just paranoid
When I'm in the shower, I'm afraid to wash my hair
'Cause I might open my eyes and find someone standing there
People say I'm crazy, just a little touched
But maybe showers remind me of Psycho too much, that's why
I always feel like somebody's watching me
And I have no privacy (oh oh oh)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Who's playing tricks on me
(Who's watching me) I don't know anymore!
Are the neighbors watching me!? (who's watching)
Well is the mailman watching me!? (tell me who's watching)
And I don't feel safe anymore, oh what a mess
I wonder who's watching me now (WHO?) The IRS!?
I always feel like somebody's watching me
And I have no privacy (oh oh oh)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Tell me, is it just a dream
I always feel like somebody's watching me
And I have no privacy (oh oh oh oh)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Who's playing tricks on me (who's watching me)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Ooh (oh oh oh)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Tell me it can't be (who's watching me)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Ooh (oh oh oh oh)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Who's playing tricks on me (who's watching me)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Can I have my privacy (oh oh oh)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Who's playing tricks on me (who's watching me)
a
