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Rockwell's "Somebody's Watching Me"
by: -RoG-

I don't think many people out there would disagree about "Thriller" being the best horror-themed music video ever. It had zombies that puked up black blood, it had Vincent Price say cool things like "The funk of forty thousand years!", and it had Michael Jackson almost looking scarier than he does today. As awesome as the video was, one other horror video/song from the 80's always comes to my mind whenever the Halloween season comes around. That song is Rockwell's "Somebody's Watching Me", and I recently obtained the video for it on VH-1 Classic.

For those of you who don't know who Rockwell is, he's the son of Motown founder Berry Gordy. His real name was Kennedy William Gordy, so I guess it's understandable why he changed it to Rockwell later on. I mean, let's be serious folks... a song with a horror theme isn't going to be that marketable if it's by a guy named "Kennedy William Gordy". GORDY! He's also the ex-brother in law of Jermaine Jackson, who is of course one of Michael Jackson's brothers. Christ, I feel like I'm playing "the six degrees of separation" here. Anyway, I'm guessing he met Michael Jackson through Jermaine, because he talked Michael Jackson into singing backup on the song. If you haven't heard the song yet, take a listen because it rules. But what about the music video for this eerie song? How does it fare?

VERTICAL FOREIGN WRITING! SCARY!

It all starts off with Rockwell arriving at his home and picking up his daily newspaper. Of course, it's an Asian paper. And just look at the text, it's written vertically! OMG! I guess that's supposed to be kinda spooky, right?

Why no, I'm not holding a flashlight up at my chin!

Ah, now we're getting somewhere! As soon as he steps inside his house, there's a zombie guy inside the grandfather clock. Half of his face is melted off and all he does is stare mindlessly at you. But this is just the start of the madness...

Play dead. Say, where's Brandon Lee?

Animals run wild in Rockwell's home! He's got a dog who always creeped me out. I don't know why, but it's face always looked so dark to me when I was a kid. Those hollow eyes gave it an emotionless expression that had me convinced if I didn't keep my eye on it, it would eat my face. There's also a raven flying around in the kitchen. Uh oh! Now we've got some symbolism of death stirring up in our pot of musical horror! Tasty!

Awww, he must be camera shy!
NICE BOXERS!

Ok, now one of the things we have to endure through the entire video are cuts to Rockwell in the shower lathering himself up while singing. Don't worry though, you can get the thought of him being naked out of your head quickly, because, due to some brilliant camera work, we see that he's wearing boxers. Maybe he's wearing them because he always feels like somebody's watching him? Ha Ha! I get it now! :/

WTF? OH NO! CHEAP HORROR PROPS!

Back to more Rockwell exploring his house. He seems disturbed by all the crap hanging on his walls. There's some kind of wolf/cat monster head trophy on one of the walls. I'd like to know where he went hunting to get that sucker. Probably a flea market.

Wait he's on tv AND watching himself on tv?

"Can the people see me on TV or am I just paranoid?" Well he answers that question pretty quickly as he walks up to the TV, only to find two guys torturing him in a chair. Then they run up to the screen and yell at him in real life! Wow, I've heard about that "interactive tv" stuff, but I had no idea the technology was available back in the 80's.

At least you had one hit... Is he still there?

Now Rockwell heads outside, and wouldn't ya know it? He's got a graveyard back there, and one of the tombstones has his name on it. No, not Kennedy William Gordy. Even in death he was too much of a pansy to bear that name. Rockwell leaves a flower for himself, I guess this was supposed to be a premonition about his music career. Oh yeah, there's also a semi-naked guy standing behind him. But all he does is blankly stare at the sky, so I don't think he's too much of a threat. Besides, Rockwell should be happy that anybody even cared enough to show up at his funeral.

Sing! Lather! Muahaha! Scrubbing Bubbles, work your mojo!

Cut to more singing in the shower, but this time there's a mysterious phantom woman dancing outside of it. At least someone likes hearing him sing in the shower while watching him get all lathered up. There's also a quick shot of the bathtub covered in blood... a sign of things to come? You bet. But before that, a true moment of terror is headed right for our feet!

RUN!!! IT'S A PIG-DOG HYBRID!
PIG-DOG!

A fucking PIG-DOG! He's half pig, half dog, ALL BUSINESS! The dog that was already scary enough to begin with now has a pig face! It's chasing Rockwell down with all of the piggy might that it can muster! Rockwell then slams the door on it, and it's turned back into the regular dog. Was he seeing things? Nah, couldn't be! Like any genius in a house filled with things that want to kill, eat, and maybe help lather him up with soap... Rockwell runs into the nearest closet.

Who dat in my closet? I like your clothes Rockwell! They're so silky!
Whatchoo doin' in my closet?

Now some people have skeletons in their closet. Rockwell just happens to have creepy looking guy that wears all of his clothes hanging in there.

Water? YAY! HAWAIIAN PUNCH TIME!
How many times have we seen this?

Can't have a horror video without at least one big horror movie cliché right? Sure enough, the water from the shower nozzle become blood! Well, it looks more like Hawaiian Punch to me, but that's still spookier than plain old water right?

It's the same props from earlier in the video! What'd they do to my room?

Rockwell decides that he's had enough of the shower. All the scrubbing in the world can't wash away the dirty evil that wants to...

Oink! Oink! Open wide, Gordy! Necrophilia anybody?
FEED HIM A PIG!

Yes indeed, not only do the zombies roll their eyes back and say absolutely nothing, but it turns out that they're pretty decent cooks. And when I say decent, I don't mean some Chef Boyardee Beef Ravioli. I mean a fancy schmancy roasted pig! They even through in a bonus naked girl under Rockwell's bed. Of course, I'm pretty sure she's dead... but hey, whatever floats your boat, Rockwell.

Martha Stewart would be proud.

Wait a second! His room was just filled with all the cheap props from the video! Tombstones, birds, zombies, pigs... and now it looks completely normal! What's up with that? Hey wait, there's somebody calling Rockwell from outside!

NO! NOT MORE JUNK MAIL!
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"

Rockwell heads outside, obviously quite disoriented. I mean, if your room went from looking like a graveyard to an episode of Martha Stewart Living in a matter of seconds, you'd probably be wonder if something was wrong with you too. He looks down from his balcony to see who is is. Well if it isn't the friendly mailman!

Come down so I can eat your brains! Come down so I can give you your mail!
OR IS IT!?

Mailman or Zombie? Zombie or Mailman? Rockwell rubs his eyes and finally decides that his mind has been playing tricks on him. So he bolts down the stairs to get his mail...

THE DISGUSTING ARM OF DOOM! SNAP OUT OF IT ROCKWELL!a

LOOK OUT ROCKWELL! THAT'S NO ORDINARY MAILMAN! HE'S GOT A
ZOMBIE ARM!

Allow me to hand you your... DEATH!

Shit, I think he got Rockwell. They don't show it, but the last thing we see is the creepy mailman zombie guy lifting up his zombie arm. Plus, do any of you remember any other Rockwell songs after this one? I sure as hell don't. Perhaps he was a one hit wonder, not because he didn't have super songwriting skills, but because the zombie mailman guy killed him! HOLY SWEET BASTARD THAT'S SCARY!

We'll miss you Gordy... er... Rockwell.

Rock In Peace. :(
Word.

the end.

email -RoG-

WATCH THE VIDEO IN ITS ENTIRETY HERE:


The "Somebody's Watching Me" lyrics:

(Who's watching)
(Tell me who's watching)
(Who's watching me)

I'm just an average man with an average life
I work from nine to five, hey hell, I pay the price
All I want is to be left alone in my average home
But why do I always feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone, and

I always feel like somebody's watching me
And I have no privacy (oh oh oh)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Tell me, is it just a dream

When I come home at night
I bolt the door real tight
People call me on the phone, I'm trying to avoid
Well, can the people on TV see me or am I just paranoid
When I'm in the shower, I'm afraid to wash my hair
'Cause I might open my eyes and find someone standing there
People say I'm crazy, just a little touched
But maybe showers remind me of Psycho too much, that's why

I always feel like somebody's watching me
And I have no privacy (oh oh oh)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Who's playing tricks on me

(Who's watching me) I don't know anymore!
Are the neighbors watching me!? (who's watching)
Well is the mailman watching me!? (tell me who's watching)
And I don't feel safe anymore, oh what a mess
I wonder who's watching me now (WHO?) The IRS!?

I always feel like somebody's watching me
And I have no privacy (oh oh oh)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Tell me, is it just a dream
I always feel like somebody's watching me
And I have no privacy (oh oh oh oh)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Who's playing tricks on me (who's watching me)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Ooh (oh oh oh)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Tell me it can't be (who's watching me)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Ooh (oh oh oh oh)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Who's playing tricks on me (who's watching me)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Can I have my privacy (oh oh oh)
I always feel like somebody's watching me
Who's playing tricks on me (who's watching me)

(and yes you can listen to the song here)


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