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Scarecrow Gone Wild!
by: Dr. Boogie

...CONTINUED

The scarecrow goes for his signature submission hold, but then realizes that he should be mixing it up a bit so that the audience doesn't get bored. Well it's much too late for that, but he does toss Ray across the room, and Ray gets an idea:

He should've gone for the chainsaw in pediatrics.

He grabs an open flask of acid from the shelf. I don't remember any hospitals that keep shelves of acid in the triage room. Maybe it's for emergency wart removal. Whatever it's for, Dr. Ray has thought up another use: scarecrow removal! It might have worked too, if only the scarecrow hadn't caught on and wrestled the flask out of Ray's hand and smashed it over his head.

This new dance, I call "the acid twitch".
Oh, burned!

This time, the screaming is loud enough to get the attention of our brave college students. They've finally learned their lesson about splitting up, and so they all head out to the triage room to get the AED, pushing Sam along with them. Hmm, let's see: No doctors, no nurses, and no power. I'd say their chances of saving Sam are about 1 in 0.

I didn't think they would even find the room, since there's no light in the hallway and the door is probably covered by yet another sheet, but sure enough, they do. Heck, they even find Ray.

Get this hamburger off my face!

Ray tries to get Beth's attention, and then he tries to roll into the light so you can see how badly burned he is, but he fails at both acts. Beth screams, scarecrow grabs Mike, blah blah blah, seen it a dozen times already. When the scarecrow goes after Beth, however, Jack grabs the AED and prepares for a showdown:

Should we light this scene at all? Nah.

Unlike the regular defibrillator, this portable AED doesn't need time to recharge in between jolts, so Jack is able to make several quick strikes against the scarecrow. The jolts cause Sam to tense up in his gurney, which leads me to strongly believe that he and the scarecrow might be linked in a way I don't yet understand. Finally, Jack grips the paddles tightly and gives the scarecrow one last extra-long shock from the AED, and this time, the scarecrow goes down for the count, and Sam pops awake once more. Good job Jack, now DON'T TELL HIM THAT HE KILLED EVERYBODY AGAIN!!!

"Three weeks later"

You can be in Scarecrow Gone Wild 2.

Sam is now a hit with the ladies. I guess word of him being only one of two people to survive the hazing debacle has made him the Big Waif on Campus. Jack and Beth are still together. Yep, things are certainly look up for...

Those are his scarecrow-wrestling trophies.

What? Oh, come on, that guy was dead! Wasn't he? And now he just has a sprained wrist? I'll let Coach sum it up for you:

My acting career, however, is dead.
"Well, sometimes you get caught in a rundown and the other team
bobbles the ball. I thought I was dead, but I was just unconscious.
"

... Yeah, that happens sometimes. Coach announces that he's leaving the school to coach a AAA team in Atlanta. The good news just keeps coming, as now Mike, the former asshole jock, is now as kind as can be to Sam. It's the kind of kindness that can only come from knowing you barely escaped being killed by someone you tormented. What's more, he offers Sam a psychology paper that he got an A- on. Yeah, Mike probably wrote that paper himself. Mike also agrees to "party" with Sam. Finally, they uncorked Beth's bottle of champagne and have a toast. A toast to "being alive." Well, I've heard worse reasons to drink.

It's one of those all-night school gyms.

Hours later, Mike is waiting for Sam so they can go to that party they were talking about, when suddenly, he hears whistling. The scarecrow? No, just Sam with another cheap scare. Before leaving for the party, they duck into the bathroom so Sam can give himself another insulin shot. As you can see by the "CSI lab" lighting in the school, this movie ain't over yet.

"Ooooooklahoma!"

Sam stabs Mike in the chest with his insulin-filled syringe. I learned that insulin is apparently lethal when injected into the chest, so thank you, movie. As for poor Mike, characters that act like dickheads are bound to get killed at some point. He just had an unusually long run. Was Sam just getting that pent-up, "you almost killed me!" rage out of his system?

This mirror is filthy.

Nope. He's just been possessed by the spirit of the scarecrow. Or is that the spirit of that dead kid from the legend?

Jack and Beth half walk, half make-out, their way into the gym to say goodbye to Coach before he hops on his flight. They can't find him anywhere, so they switch over to full-on making out on the exercise equipment. In the course of their out-making, Beth brushes up against a punching bag...

My pits don't smell that bad.

Oh, there he is. Hey Coach, how's it going? Coach? Are you unconscious again? Did you sprain your ankle this time? No, you're dead for good? Sorry to hear that. Time for more screaming and running, this time to the basketball court.

Mike really screwed up his necktie.

They see that Mike went and got himself dunked. They encounter Sam, who's grinning as evilly as he can. Jack doesn't get it, but Beth redirects his attention to a mirror, and the story becomes clear. Sam gives them a little head start before walking after them.

Oh Mike, let's get married!

Thankfully, the chapel is open all hours of the day. It's not staffed, but it is open. They try all the doors to see if any are unlocked, but they don't even consider locking the door they just came through. As such, they have just enough time to cry, and kiss, and speculate as to why this is happening before Sam comes in.

He runs up to Jack, and Jack comes out swinging. He's doing alright against the possessed Sam until...

Electrifying drama! Copyright infringement!

Sam gets him with the ol' electrocution move. That'll teach Jack not to defibrillate people. The battle wages on, with Jack punching and kicking as best he can, and Sam just keeps shocking him. But Jack thinks on his feet, and soon he has a foolproof plan:

Am I wearing a stupid mask?

He... shocks him back? I don't know what exactly happens here, but somehow, Jack manages to take the scarecrow's spirit into his body (as shown by the reflection). He knows what he must do.

I've got this itch, right in my chest.

Before he loses control of himself, Jack impales himself on a crucifix that didn't seem altogether sharp, but was apparently sharp enough to go right through his sternum. Both Beth and Sam are shocked by this turn of events, and they weep for poor Jack. Don't worry, he's hamming it up in heaven now. Sam takes one last look at the mirror to reassure everyone that the scarecrow didn't magically switch back over to him, and then the credits roll.

Wow, what a movie. It had everything: bad actors, bad special effects, even bad locations! It even had a lesson: "You break your word, you invite the devil." That hour-and-a-half just blew by.

The DVD also included a behind-the-scenes look at the film. It features interviews with the cast and crew, though it does not contain an apology from Brian Katkin for creating such a piece of crap movie. My favorite part, though, was the interview with the special effects guy. He states that, "every good horror show needs some good effects," and that explains why this movie had such bad effects. He shows off the crummy faux entrails, and reveals that they made a fake kidney out of a condom:

One condom that couldn't hold back disaster.
Note the reservoir tip.

The actor who played Mike also explains that the syringe he got stabbed with was full of air, and not insulin. Thank god he explained that; I would've hated to think that there was a part of this movie that didn't make any sense.

And that's all. A few of the actors claimed to love horror films, and yet they had no qualms about being in a movie like this. Weird. For me, the scariest part of the whole movie came during the behind-the-scenes feature, where "Mike" explains that this movie is the third of the "scarecrow trilogy". Could the first two movies possibly be as bad as this one? I hope I don't live to find out.

He's mocking me for watching this movie.

Questions or comments about this article?
Email Dr. Boogie


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