Milking the oft
used RPG formula of going to find the great treasure, but settling
with saving the world, Landstalker put you in the shoes of a scrawny
elf lad named Nigel. He and his fairy chumpette, Friday, fought
through corrupt noblemen, grinning mushrooms, and at least a dozen
different kinds of colored bubble monsters, all in pursuit of
fabulous treasure. But of course, Nigel the Landstalker didn’t earn
a place here in this piece just by slicing Jell-O monsters.
You can expect to find quaint, bucolic villages in almost any RPG
out on the market. They’re where you’ll get your first
dungeon-exploring quest, and they’re where you’ll first learn that
you can sleep off even the most grievous injuries at the local inn.
Unfortunately, the countryside villages in this game are sullied by
the presence of foul-mouthed fowl.
Geez, that is a
chicken that doesn’t beat around the bush. The rooster must be
slacking off big time. Still, if you think that’s bad, wait ‘til you
hear what the dog has to say…
If that isn’t the
language of the devil, then I don’t know what is…
Fine, maybe it is just regular dog-speak, but I still think it’s a
bit odd. Especially coming from the mouth of a dog named “*”. Not
Nigel, though, he doesn’t see anything strange about it at all. Then
again, he isn’t the most observant guy in the world.
Nigel, I think the toupee-wearing skeleton is probably dead. Idiot.
Boy, those Japanese
and their phallic symbols. It's hard to believe that nobody was
raped in the making of this game. Still, say what you will about the
giant vibrating phallic mushroom, he still carries a good amount of
gold on himself. Where does he keep it? You don't want to know.