Pulirula is a game
that tells a familiar tale about controlling time that we've all
heard before. In the kingdom of Radishland, time is kept flowing not
by the wicked machinations of Shub Niggurath, but rather by keepers
turning "Time Keys." Some bad guy decides to steal the Time keys,
thus messing up each of the cities whose keys were stolen. An old
man "impressed by a sense of danger" calls in two children and gives
them his "invented magic stick" to defend the towns and get time
movin' again. Basic stuff, really.
Anyway, what follows is a lot of clubbing with said magic stick. For
some reason, whenever you club an enemy, they turn into an animal
and run off the screen. What that has to do with time being halted
is beyond me. What's even more confusing, however, is when your
bludgeoning takes you to stage 3, and the madness therein:
greeting. The screaming blue-haired man. And just next to his
gigantic head, the yellow-dressed flag woman.
Still no clue as to
how time being halted is responsible for... this. Luckily, a robot I
clubbed turned into a dog and explained the whole thing to me:
"This town is controlled by the dream of a megalomania and all
places are such circumstances."
Oh, those canines and their terrible grammar. What the dog doesn't
tell you is that the dream the town is stuck in has a couple bits of
titillating weirdness hanging around.
Aside from what the
red eggplant man is doing, the sumo on the wall is making me really
uncomfortable. He's assumed the position (and not the sumo wrestling
position) and he's grinning at me. Forget it, Mr. Sumo. This magic
stick is not for you. The eager sumo is nothing compared to the
other bit of ribaldry:
CRUSHING LEGS OF DOOM!!!
Players of the
Japanese version of the game are treated to this unique hazard. And
probably better grammar, too. Anyway, while dodging the deadly
thighs, I noticed that there was a door between the two legs. What's
inside it, you ask?