Please don't feed PickleMan
Please don't feed PickleMan
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Sexual Moments in Video Game History


A lot of the entries in this update are suggested by readers. A lot of the suggestions are good, others are a bit of a stretch, and others have something going for them, but haven't got enough meat on the bone to be worth writing about. After the first five minutes I played Go Go Ackman, I got a feeling the latter was the case.

'I'm to Village People in one, baby.'

OK, the chief of the Angel Police looks like he was yanked out from the Blue Oyster Bar in Police Academy. Still, my panties were far from bunched. But I though maybe I should give the game a shot and see how it progressed. This is how it progressed:

'I'm taking you downtown, if you catch my drift.' In the big house :(

I got kissed and stolen! And thrown in jail! This is hardly procedure! When Ackman wakes up in his cell, he tries to recall what happened last night. He thinks really hard...


All right, that's the best use of Mode7 graphics yet. Ackman breaks out of jail, and many levels follow without further run-ins with the chief. We do get to see his progress in the case, though, as cutscenes show him in his office furiously chewing his pink handkerchief, making phone calls and giggling like a girl.

Grrr >:( Every day is informal day in heaven!

After a while, he apparently reports to God himself. You see, the thing is that Ackman is a demon out to gather souls for his master Satan. No kidding, it's the aim of the game. So naturally, your main enemies are angels (there are also a lot of wind-up toys and stuff, so I'm not sure which version of the Bible is exported to Japan). Which is why God has sent the Angel Police out to get you.

Police HQ

I'm not sure why, but for some reason your nemesis from the first two games is now your ally, and for some reason God is helping the angel who is helping Ackman. Who is the guy the Angel Police is after. I don't know what God is thinking, and I really don't know why he's helping the traitor angel by making himself invisible and hovering around like a set of teeth with a pair of glasses on. But then again, he does work in mysterious ways.

I should also probably mention that the screenshot above is from the Angel Police HQ, and that that backdrop loops. You know that show where they get gay people to decorate somebody's house while they're away, and then when they get back, they all jump out and shout "Yaaay, we decorated your house while you were gone! We're also gay!"? All right, I probably made that show up, but if it doesn't exist by the time this page is uploaded, it won't be long before it does. Anyway, you know that show? If the chief of Angel Police is hired as one of those people, your living room is fucked.

After walking by another three hundred statues of the chief, you finally meet him for the final showdown. And don't think he just gives you the stick like most policemen, he... well, I guess he kinda gives you the stick in his own way. Hang in there, though, and you'll beat him off. Beat him! I meant beat him!


Scarred for life! It all turns out well, though, for reasons I don't understand. But everybody seems be become friends. And guess what?


God is a rockin dude!