Please don't feed PickleMan
Please don't feed PickleMan
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Sexual Moments in Video Game History

Oddly enough, no ransom was ever paid.

One of the greatest NES games, River City Ransom challenged our perceptions of high school life. Forget everything you thought you knew, high school was really all about pummeling gang members, taking their money, and blowing it all at Hack's Chicken Shack. It was about beating the hell out of someone for $1.25. It was about spewing epic amounts of vomitus.

But it was not without its shameful moments…

Somebody get that trashcan down!

Fighting the mafia AND the Squids was bound to get you good 'n tired pretty fast. Fortunately, if you couldn't afford to buy and eat an entire pizza, there was a cheap alternative:

Dibs on the electrosizer.

The local health club. Sure, they didn't have a lot to offer (hell, they couldn’t even afford to get a name), but what they can give you is the cheapest sauna in town.

You, sir, have totally lowballed yourself.

Three fiddy? I’d be a fool not to take advantage of this great offer! Sign me up, nerdy bald man!

You'd be uptight too, if you had such a flat ass.
"Alex was very uptight, and the sauna was so relaxing…"

Well folks, all I can say is BARF! Speaking of asses, though, there was another curious specimen roaming the many malls of the river city.

Dressed for success

Typical street walker clothes, but definitely not something I want to see on a young boy. No wonder he looks so pissed off. I’d be mad too if I were made to strut around in a tube top and hot pants. Especially white ones. Everyone knows you’re not supposed to wear white after Labor Day, not even if you're a wee lad whoring himself out to support his family. Ah, life in the big city.

Everyone knows you can haggle with a manwhore.