One of the greatest
NES games, River City Ransom challenged our perceptions of high
school life. Forget everything you thought you knew, high school was
really all about pummeling gang members, taking their money, and
blowing it all at Hack's Chicken Shack. It was about beating the
hell out of someone for $1.25. It was about spewing epic amounts of
vomitus.
But it was not without its shameful moments…
Fighting the mafia
AND the Squids was bound to get you good 'n tired pretty fast.
Fortunately, if you couldn't afford to buy and eat an entire pizza,
there was a cheap alternative:
The local health
club. Sure, they didn't have a lot to offer (hell, they couldn’t
even afford to get a name), but what they can give you is the
cheapest sauna in town.
Three fiddy? I’d be
a fool not to take advantage of this great offer! Sign me up,
nerdy bald man!
"Alex was very uptight, and the sauna was so relaxing…"
Well
folks, all I can say is BARF! Speaking of asses, though,
there was another curious specimen roaming the many malls of the
river city.
Typical street walker clothes, but definitely not something I want
to see on a young boy. No wonder he looks so pissed off. I’d be mad
too if I were made to strut around in a tube top and hot pants.
Especially white ones. Everyone knows you’re not supposed to wear
white after Labor Day, not even if you're a wee lad whoring himself
out to support his family. Ah, life in the big city.
