...CONTINUED

A slimy skin crawls up over their heads and they mutate.

Yeesh. After they mutate, the two freaks start wrestling each other in a way that I did not enjoy. Better still, the director says that his sound guy told him that this scene made him sick. Indeed, watching two mutants paw each other while listening to the sounds of someone stirring a vat full of squished slugs isn't for everyone. Afterwards, Eddie wakes up, back to normal, and gets the hell out of there.

Wherever it is that he escapes to, another parking lot perhaps, he is accosted by three punked out zombies. What do they want? To talk about stuff, and also one of them shoves a knife through his hand. They taunt Eddie, saying that he's becoming like them, and so on. Eddie breaks down, crouches, and spins in a circle screaming until they disappear. Once he composes himself, he races back to his car and calls the station. Apparently, they think he killed a patrolman. How the blame got to him from the woman who actually ran over the guy's head is beyond me.

Meanwhile, crap is amiss at the morgue. I'm trying to keep things moving, however:

Richter: alive again.

This kid: dead meat.

This guy: dead meat.

During this sequence, you are privy to not one, not two, but three zombie ass shots.

Write your own caption.

Meanwhile, after a few more head games, Eddie is back on track again. This time, he's looking for Squeaky. What he finds first, however, is a bathtub full of garbage and cranberry juice.

Hey, that's great. What does it have to do with anything? Nothing, that's what.

The blob from early in the movie dispatches these guys to get Eddie. Why we get two minutes of them driving and yelling, I don't know, but hey, I'm no director. Maybe the best way to convince the audience that your characters are crazy is to show them whoopin' and hollerin' for as long as possible.

Poor Squeaky. O.D.'d on the drug that makes you into an undead weirdo. There's no time to mourn the death of this secondary character, however, as the party animals have arrived.

"Little duuuuuude."

Unconvinced that the drug will finish him off, the cauliflower-faced zombie puts two in Squeaky's chest. One of the other henchman laughs, so the lead zombie shoots him in the face, which proves to be enough of a distraction for Eddie to escape. And that's why zombies don't make good errand boys.

In a pointless bit, the zombie that was shot in the face exits the building and walks into a pole. No comment from the director here, either.

The other three zombies chase Eddie for the longest time, until he makes the mistake of getting off the street and trying to hide without first getting out of sight of the zombies. And now it's time for Eddie to take a trip to see the evil leader of the zombies.

The naked fat guy introduces himself as the drug dealer from the very beginning of the film (the one giving away free head-blasting drugs), and outlines his plan for Eddie's benefit. Then, he baits him with more vague hints about Eddie's condition, and frankly, I could care less. They throw him in cell to await his "transformation."

He escapes almost immediately, however, by luring the guard into his cell and whacking him with a hammer he finds on the ground. Again, zombies are not the best choice for tasks that require you to be smart enough to not enter a prisoner's cell just because he stepped to the side of the door.

As it turns out, Mike is in one of the other cells, and he's seen better days. They shot him full of Ozone, and instead of causing his head to explode, the drug just causes him to lactate out of his mouth. He fills Eddie in on the details of his milk-spewing condition, saying that he's been set up to become more like the drug dealing lard monster. He then asks Eddie to kill him, but Eddie's a busy man, and doesn't want any of Mike's milk to get on him.

Justine is in another one of the cells. Hell, this place is party central! She is delighted that Eddie "came for the birth." Suffice to say, she does, and no, I absolutely will not illustrate the process. Here is the end result:

"Daddy. Daaaddy."

He may be ugly, but he's not more than ten seconds out of the womb and he can already say "daddy." That little mutant is going to grow up to be a big friggin' mutant genius. Once again, no explanation whatsoever from the director regarding this scene.

Thoroughly weirded out and disgusted, Eddie heads back to the drug dealer and his shadowed nether regions for a showdown.

Unfortunately, neither his bullets nor his cheesy one-liners have any effect on the drug dealer, and Richter steps in before he can think of anything else to do.

Rather than take his gun or anything, Richter just walks over and stands next to his boss, possibly so he can get in a better position to spew out idle threats and foretell Eddie's "transformation" some more. Whatever the reason, Eddie takes another shot at the drug dealer, and even though it's been established that these two are all but immune to physical harm, Richter still ducks out of the way of the bullet.

Eddie slips away, but is soon grappling with the chunky-faced zombie from before. Richter comes running in and draws a bead on him, but doesn't quite draw it fast enough, and Eddie is able to beat up puffyface and dive into the "ammo room" before Richter does anything.

According to the commentary, the director thought that, looking back, the "ammo room" sign was a bit much. No shite, Sherlock. Especially since the room contains only a six-shooter, a few bundles of dynamite, a chunk of circuit board with an LCD (which, by the way, is supposedly a time both of sorts), and other assorted junk. No actual ammo, though, unless you count what's inside the gun. Speaking of the solitary gun, Eddie discards his own weapon in favor of this gun. Don't ask me why. He doesn't even fire the gun for the rest of the movie. He does, however, light and throw one of the bundles of dynamite at the door to stop the two rampaging zombies.

The door explodes open, and the two thugs are tossed onto piles of garbage. Richter, though, he's tenacious. He gets right back up and starts wrestling around with Eddie.

For a little bit, Eddie's doing alright, but then he gets the old knee-in-the-groin. Richter tosses him aside and mutates, for some reason.

Now I'm really starting to wonder about this whole "zombie" thing. Blue mutant Richter does a little better, but in the end, Eddie knocks him down and slams his head in the "ammo room" door until he quits moving. With two minor victories under his belt, Eddie feels confident enough to go see the drug dealer again.

The drug dealer tells him, again, that he is impervious to harm, but Eddie just quips at him, so the fat bastard pulls out a knife and cuts his own stomach open, thus proving that he is immune to both bullets and steak knives. Seeing this unusual display as an opportunity, Eddie rushes forward, pistol whips the fatty, and crams the time bomb into his gaping wound. With that done, Eddie runs for the exit, tossing the remaining bundles of dynamite along as he flees.

The bomb goes off and triggers a chain reaction orange-tinted, computer-generated explosions that destroy the building. Good job, Eddie. And here, I thought that you'd need to arrange explosive charges in some specific way to do that, but I guess you showed me a thing or two about demolitions.

The final scene is Eddie being interrogated at the police station. Apparently, in addition to the beat cop that he "killed," he also killed thirty-four other people. I guess they were all zombies killed in the explosion. Whoever they are, or were, Eddie just quips and quips, trying to say as many trite action phrases before the credits. He eventually stops the schtick and tries to explain that they were monsters, but something is amiss…

Hey, it's Richter! And his head is back to normal! What a trooper! He remarks that Eddie shouldn't talk that way about his family, and that he'll come around. Then he laughs, and that's the end of the movie.

There's not much else to say. The credits roll, the director spits out his last boring story, and that's it. There were a few more tidbits covered in the commentary that I wanted to point out, though. For starters, the very first line by the director is him angrily proclaiming that "this movie is not called fucking Street Zombies, for God's sake," but it is really called "Ozone." It makes sense when you think about it, as the zombies were behaving very unzombie-like. Still, if I had mentioned that earlier, you wouldn't have gotten the full Street Zombies/Ozone effect.

The director also mentions that the film cost $3500 to make. I know, I know, I couldn't believe that such a visual masterpiece could be so cheaply produced either. It turns out that the film came in on the budget by using a second rate camera and not paying the cast and crew. That's right; the people in the movie weren't even paid to waste their time thusly.

Speaking of time-wasting, I am now finished with this piece of crap movie. God willing, the DVD will burst into flames the minute it enters the Blockbuster drop box. I encourage no one to rent this movie, as every rental sends money back to the publisher, and increases the chances of us seeing Street Zombies (or Ozone, if you like) 2: More of Eddie's Weird Dreams.

the end.

Dr. Boogie

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