Features

The Renegades - A long lost 1983 TV show starring Patrick Swayze
by: -RoG-

...CONTINUED

 

Cynthia then gets upset and tells them that they're all acting foolishly because she "moved heaven and hell" to get them out and that they should all leave the country. Gunn, however, clearly has other plans because Marciano still lives. Gunn then has a breakdown right there on the spot, clutches his head and starts mumbling stuff about Marciano. Silver then emerges from behind the curtain and tells the Renegades to leave, but before they do, Tracy tells him her stage name: Satin Coma. Well, it's no Bond girl name that's for sure, but it still works. Also, her band is called "Blank Distress" and they're playing the battle of the bands tonight at the High Heel Club and want Gunn to attend. Gee... I wonder if he will.

Later that day, I guess Gunn needed to blow off some steam so he starts shooting at a bunch of cops from a nearby building. I guess when you have a last name like Gunn, you're pretty much pre-wired for that sort of lifestyle. Bandit and Gaucho then see Gunn and his crew making a getaway, but before they have a chance to stop him, he tries blasting at 'em with a shotgun. Though Gunn does manage to get away, Bandit tackles Silver off of his motorcycle when he tries to make a getaway and then goes berserk on his ass after he accuses them of being "lousy kiddie cops".


"TELL ME WHERE HE IS DAMNIT! TELL ME! TELL ME! I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!"

Man, I haven't seen that kind of Swayze-rage since Road House. You sure don't get that kind of entertainment on basic cable these days, that's for damned sure.

They get back to their neon 'n rainbow headquarters and listen to a tape they found on Silver Stride which just happens to have a message from Gunn to Marciano on it. I guess Gunn wanted Stride to get caught all along? Well, I guess just because a guy has a great hairdo, it doesn't mean that he knows how to choose his friends wisely. Lesson learned, eh Silver? While the gang is all pretty relaxed about the situation, Marciano is still all wound up and worried about finding Gunn as he explains,"I gotta do this myself... my head is on the block." Eagle then says, "If that's all you're worried about, don't worry about it. We were born on the block." I'm not sure what the hell that even means, but hey, you tell 'em, Eagle. You tell the world!

That night, Tracy... I mean... Satin Coma and her Blank Distress band hit the stage at the High Heel Club. It's only been a day or two and they all know how to play their instruments and managed to book a show? You see kids, this is the kind of thing you can only learn how to do on the streets. You won't learn this sitting in a classroom, nosiree.

Wouldn't you know it, Gunn simply couldn't resist the chance to come out and see the band since Tracy / Satin Coma looks so much like Fedra Faz. Even more impressive is that before Gunn arrives, she tells Eagle, "He's here. I can feel it." Damn, that woman's intuition is quite the powerful force to be reckoned with! The band soon hits the stage and their lyrics go a little something like this:

"The Gunn's on the street and he says he's gettin' even. The Gunn's all gassed, we got the news this mornin'. The Gunn's on the loose and he's givin' you this warnin'. You're gonna get what's comin'! You're gonna get what's comin'! In the name of the law a judge and a jury tried him. In the name of the law they locked him in an asylum. He staged a show with a gun as the main attraction. Now the Gunn is out and he wants some satisfaction. You're gonna get what's comin'! You're gonna get what's comin'!"

Amazingly, Gunn doesn't suspect a thing even though they seem to know his entire history. He's just completely infatuated with Tracy / Satin Coma. He walks right up to her, grabs her leg and calls her Fedra, obviously confusing her with his old client. Before Gaucho and Bandit can catch him, he makes his way back to a van and speeds off, nearly running them over in the process. Fortunately, the two of them were able to grab onto a conveniently placed high-beam in the alleyway. I swear it was like a moment right out of Gymkata.

Oh, by the way, Blank Distress somehow wins first prize in the battle of the bands at the High Heel Club. I guess they had some really awful competitors that night.

After the show, the band is out back packing up their gear when Tom-Tom shows up and tells them they're going to see the Wizard (as in Gunn, not Don Herbert). Back at headquarters, they find out that Marciano escaped and went after Gunn... plus Tracy and the other guys are now missing. They listed to a taped recording of Gunn talking to Marciano. "Marcianoooo. How goes it, cutie pie?" he laughs. "Poodle featherweight, he's pressed for cash! He's tired of humping other guy's trash! Hahaha! Got it? Know what I'm talking about? Know how to find the way? Don't disappoint me lieutenant or I'll get angry and start forgetting to miss." Yep, apparently Gunn has turned into the Riddler. Since they can't figure out what the hell the riddle means, they decide to force Silver Stride to tell them where Gunn is.

Stride is set to go downtown later that day already, so they decide to let Bandit drive him there in hopes of scaring him into talking. They stuff him into the sidecar, jam a helmet onto that wonderful mass of hair of his and then Bandit and Silver go for a nice afternoon ride, or "The Sidecar Special" as Bandit calls it. Meanwhile, Marciano goes and pays off a garbage man and the guy hands him a note from Gunn. So that's what the "trash" part of the riddle meant? To go pay off a garbage man? For chrissakes, how the hell did Marciano even figure that one out? It still makes no sense.

The letter itself is impressive too: "Dear Marciano, All you gotta bring, is your little old self, too our roller ring. See ya." I'm sure the fact that he said "too our roller ring" instead of "to our roller ring" is some kind of riddle as well. After all, there's no way in hell this evil mastermind Gunn could have a poor understanding of the differences between "too" and "to", right?

Elsewhere, Dragon is snooping around Cynthia's house for clues, but gets in a fight with her right-hand man... er gal, Pixa. Gotta love the naming conventions in this show. Nobody is simply a John or a Suzie, it's always some crazy-assed name like Starfire or Razorchops or Heartache. Well, she gives Dragon a few good wallops, but his boyish charm (and martial arts mastery) prevails in the end. He explains to her that Cynthia is involved with the murderous Gunn, so she decides to help him out.

He pops open the trunk to Cynthia's car so Dragon can hop into it and hitch a ride with Cynthia to wherever Gunn is hiding out at the roller ring. There, Gunn is talking to Tracy/Satin about how she and her band are going to be huge someday and how they belong to him now. He wants them to put on a show while he deals with Marciano because he thinks it will only add to the band's notoriety. A band being associated with murder? Well, you know what they say... there's no such thing as bad press. There is, however, such a thing as a bad idea and trying to kill your nemesis in the middle of a roller ring while a punk rock band puts on a live performance sounds pretty fucking ridiculous to me. But hey, I'm no evil mastermind, so I won't pretend to understand the surefire logic that's coursing through Gunn's noggin.

Elsewhere, Bandit is still treating Silver Stride to a plentiful dosage of Sidecart Special and he finally agrees to give up the location of Gunn. Back at the roller ring, Gunn has Marciano chained up to a podium where he is to stand trial for the injustices he's done to him. He then commands Satin to sing his address to the jury.

 

The begins to play a classic rock 'n roll style song in which the lyrics go something like, "You're gonna pay the price. They say I'm a killer, yeah that's what they say. They locked me up and threw the key away." while Rita Rosie skates around in circles for no apparent reason whatsoever, but I'm sure she has just as much faith in Gunn's evil plan as we do. Dragon also shows up and manages to subdue one of Gunn's henchmen up in the stands. Go Dragon!

 

We're then treated to some cross-fading shots of the two arguing their cases against each other while the band continues to play. Believe me when I say that it's enough to make any film school graduate want to put a bullet in his head.

As the lyrics to the godawful tune say, "The verdict's in and there's nothing more to say. We find you guilty, now you're gonna pay." Gunn is now finally ready to finish the job and bring his absurd plan to an end. Marciano clearly thinks otherwise, "You and your nutty friends are gonna go right back where you belong, in a padded cell Tony... in a padded cell!" Gunn then flips out and starts firing like a madman... hitting nothing but the podium. You can be an evil mastermind, but if you're a bad shot, you might want to opt for a closer range kill to make sure your big plan works out in the end.

The Renegades make short work of Gunn's henchmen as Rita Rosie's skating exhibition comes to a halt when they lay down a guitar in her path and Tracy then finishes her off with a karate chop to the back of the neck.

 

Bandit grabs Gunn and he then starts whining like a scared little school boy, "Fedra! Cynthia! Marciano!" as if any of them are gonna come to his rescue. He may talk big, what with his riddles 'n all, but when push came to shove, Gunn proved to be one hell of a pansy in the end. With Marciano and the rest of the gang safe 'n sound, it's time to celebrate.

We then cut back to the rainbow room at headquarters and see the Captain talking to his superiors on the phone about the Renegades. He tells them he doesn't approve of their methods, but they saved Marciano's life and that the Renegades program works. "You keep these special deputies, and with the right kind of guidance, they just might make some damned fine cops. Well uh... one or two of them anyway." How about that, ol' sourpuss Scanlon has a nice side after all! J.T. even invites him to join them for dinner, but he declines the offer. As J.T. turns his back on him, he gives the captain some good advice: "Loosen up, babe." Don't let the jester jacket fool ya, Captain Scanlon, that lad is wise beyond his years.

And that, my friends, was the last anybody ever saw or heard of The Renegades. When you consider the long runs that other shows in the 80s had, I don't see why this particular show was canned so early. It had everything you could want - a great intro and theme song, Patrick Swayze, a pissed off police captain, more "punk" than you could shake a stick at, and absolutely ludicrous storylines. I still hope to see the show released on DVD sometime along with the long lost 2-hour pilot episode, but I'm not holding my breath since hardly anybody seems to even remember it. Maybe if I start my own street gang called The Renegades I can get the show the attention it deserves.


I think it could work.

Have any questions or comments about this piece?
Email -RoG-

Click below to watch the amazing intro for The Renegades!

If you enjoyed watching the intro,
click below for an extra special bonus:

Click here to watch the entire episode of The Renegades!
*** CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE ENTIRE EPISODE VIDEOS! ***

 

If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:

Tag Team: The Lost Pilot Episode For A Show That Never Was!
"Tag Team": The Lost Pilot Episode For A Show That Never Was!

Reader Comments

Forum Virgin
Jun 11th, 2008, 06:34 AM
Man, that looks so cheesy. Is it just me, or were they trying really hard to make "Bandit" look like "Swan" from "the warriors"(leather vest without shirt, hair-cut and all).
I wonder if this show is where the idea for "21 jump st." came from?
Fanboy
Jun 11th, 2008, 10:03 AM
Wow. It's like the "21 Jumpstreet" that should have been. On the other hand, I'm really glad that I never knew this show existed.
Forum Virgin
Jun 11th, 2008, 11:39 AM
YES. Can't wait to watch this later this afternoon...
is hopped up on goofballs
Jun 11th, 2008, 12:16 PM
Awesome, Kurtwood Smith FTW!
after enough bourbon ...
Jun 11th, 2008, 02:24 PM
The Outsiders - All Grown Up.
Forum Virgin
Jun 11th, 2008, 02:50 PM
I love how that inrto shot of Tracy has her hair tucked in her jacket so at first we're all "Who is this guy with his back towards us?", and then she flips out the hair and turns around and we're all "Whoah! it's some hot chick!"... Classic.
Mexican Rambo Doll
Jun 11th, 2008, 04:44 PM
Why would they ever cancelle this? It's fucking epic.
Member
Jun 11th, 2008, 06:27 PM
This looks amazing. I love failed short-lived tv shows too, such as Master Ninja which was on MST3K.
Forum Virgin
Jun 12th, 2008, 12:25 AM
They took down the 3rd part
Fake Shemp
Jun 12th, 2008, 08:34 PM
8|
Holy Crispy Crap

I actually remember this....
excuse me whilst I sit myself down and brace for any other repressed memories that might flood through now that the gates to the Summer of 82 have swung wide....
Member
Jun 13th, 2008, 03:15 AM
Bandit definitely looks a lot like Swan, even trying to pick up a girl while wandering the streets.

Those shows that never make it up or some more seasons usually have a strange charm that the general public frequently overlooks. I just remember some relatively recent shows that aired for just one friggin' season and were awesome: Keen Eddie and Firefly.
Forum Virgin
Jun 13th, 2008, 04:04 AM
They should make into a big budget movie out
Clap if you love Dynamo
Jun 13th, 2008, 06:30 AM
The best thing about this is Red freaking Foreman is in this!

Also I think Virgil Springs bears a striking resemblance to Dum Dum Dugan.
Forum Virgin
Jun 15th, 2008, 11:31 PM
Hey, it's Tracy Scoggins! Loved her in Babylon 5. She was pretty sexy in Demonic Toys as well.
pickled
Jun 16th, 2008, 10:27 PM
This is the kind of TV shows we need more of.
GoldMember
Jun 17th, 2008, 01:43 PM
That intro had some goddamn snazzy music :D
Great article from ya once again -RoG-, didn't know the human face could make that expression in your Renegade debute though.
Imperial Stormtrooper
Jun 25th, 2008, 05:49 AM
This show sounds like i could've truly been epic.. too bad it never saw the light of day.
Snow Fiend
Aug 3rd, 2008, 02:59 PM
I love it. Lt. Marciano is great!
Forum Virgin
Aug 7th, 2008, 05:39 PM
It's odd-- at first, shows were completely unrealistic. Now-a-days, they're so realistic, that they're unrealistic, again.

What we need is a good medium point, where they're realistic in certain ways, but not in others in order to maximize entertainment.

Like-- a lot of what they did in this series, so it appears, was 'showy,' just to give a certain air, a certain feel. (Whatsherface skating around the rink for no apparent reason, for example)
It seems like a good idea, but maybe they just took it too far. Dunno. Makes me lose some faith in the film industry as a whole. How is it possible to make a good movie?
Droog
Sep 3rd, 2008, 01:26 PM
Wasn´t this actually a spin-off show off the Warriors?
Forum Virgin
Sep 4th, 2009, 05:13 PM
i would have been 10 when this was on. i love 80's cheese..
Charming
Sep 15th, 2009, 04:26 AM
I hear that, Renegade!
after enough bourbon ...
Sep 15th, 2009, 09:16 AM
"The Outsiders" meets Aaron Spelling. R.I.P. Patrick Swayze.
Forum Virgin
Sep 15th, 2009, 04:07 PM
Correction Colonel Flagg: R.I.P. Bandit.
after enough bourbon ...
Sep 15th, 2009, 04:17 PM
Indeed. Either way, very sad.
Lady-Geek
Sep 20th, 2009, 11:56 PM
I love it when ROG posts these things. it reminds me of sitting around and watching crappy TV with my dad. we used to get so bad with our ironic remarks that my mom stopped watching with us, because we ruined it... anyway, ROG, you're like a cool buddy i can always depend on to make me snort... i'm getting all teary... incidentally, i bet your own mom thinks you're wasting your excellent liberal arts education.

Click here to return to the Features homepage