by: -RoG-

...CONTINUED

Realizing that the party is headed straight for the crapper, Al announces to everybody that he's got something that's sure to entertain them and liven up their holiday spirits: Harvey the Wonder Hamster! Normally, having Harvey do a death defying stunt might actually make everybody happy, but even Harvey is down in the dumps today. He left Al a note about how hamsters should have their own holiday since groundhogs get one. Can't argue with that logic one bit. We need a hamster holiday. I say we trade in Valentine's Day for it, whaddaya say?

It's a damned shame that Harvey is depressed too, because Al has one hell of an awesome Hamster adventure park set up on that table. Seriously, I'd pay good money to see Harvey make it through that entire thing alive.

Soon after, everybody starts arguing and complaining about what they don't like about the holidays and Al gets fed up with their whining. He screams about how his party is for happy people only, and that all unhappy people should leave immediately. Unfortunately for him, they do leave, which makes his holiday party a party for one. Have fun eating all that black, bubbly mood pie, Al.

Al is now completely bummed out about how his party tanked, so he tries to find solace in the boob tube. As he flips through the channels on "AL TV" (a little homage to his "AL TV" specials) we see Al dropping the curly hair for a variety of comedic wigs. First off, we see him as an exercise guru with spiky hair who wants to stretch before the real workout begins. So he has two assistant stretch his arms all the way out. We're talking Dhalsim-length arms here, folks.

On a side note, I should mention that I would kill to own that custom eyeball chair of his. I always wanted that thing ever since I first saw the show air back in 1997. Sadly, I was informed that the chair was auctioned off in 2002 for a whopping $3000. A bit too rich for my blood, especially since one could probably make a convincing replica of it for far less. But alas, I'm no carpenter and I'm no eyeball harvester, so I guess that's not gonna happen anytime soon.

On the next channel, we see an extremely disturbing parody of a Mr. Rogers style children's television show in which Al's character interacts with some puppets. The puppets, however, hate him because he's clearly lost his mind in his old age. He begins to sing a painful song that goes, "I'm a little kitty, MEOW! MEOW! When I'm dirty I lick my fur. When I'm happy I purr, purr, purr! I'm a little kitty, MEOW! MEOW!" as he claws the air with each "meow". They eventually call the men in white to drag him away, but it's too late if you ask me, for that kitty song will forever be burned into my mind. Meow.

Then we see a parody of Siskel & Ebert, arguing with each other over a movie while they call each other childish names like "doodie head" and "poopy pants". The larger guy has the last laugh, however, for he calls the other one a "hootie fish". I don't believe this is a reference to Darius Rucker's band, and that's why it left his movie critic cohort in bewildered silence. A damned fine strategy I might add. If you can't think of a good comeback when somebody insults you, from now on just call them a "hootie fish" and walk away with a smile on your face knowing that they'll be pondering over that insult for the rest of their life.

The final station depicts Al as an anchorman with a special news bulletin: "This just in: Ping Pong spelled backwards is 'Gnop Gnip'." Eh, you gotta admit, it's still more poignant than what you see on Fox News.

Al eventually realizes that TV isn't the answer to his problems, so he sits on the couch and sulks about how he chased all his friends away. Just then, the Hooded Avenger stops by to have a one-on-one talk with the Alster. "The problem is with your ears Al. You need to learn how to listen. We all have feelings we need to share, Al. When person shares and the other person listens, those two people get to be better friends!" Sappy as it may be, this concept finally sinks into Al's head and he's now bursting with true holiday spirit.

And wouldn't you know it? All of his friends have returned for the party! Hooray! Al promises to be a better listener from this day forth, and he also decides to share something special with them too... A HOME MOVIE!

He damn near scares all of his friends away when he even mentions it, but being the good friends they are, they reluctantly sit through his home movie. The film shows Al back when he was a kid celebrating a variety of holidays with his family. You might recognize his uncle Johnathan there - yep, it's The Amazing Johnathan. He's one of the few comedians I've ever seen who can integrate magic tricks with his act yet still keep it genuinely funny. He's nicknamed "The Freddy Krueger of Comedy" for a reason, folks.

Anyway, throughout the home movie footage, Uncle Johnathan plays tricks on the young Al (who has an amazingly awesome giant curly 'fro I might add) such as severing his thumb while carving the Thanksgiving turkey. Al also shows how all the other kids really raked in a ton of delicious candies from trick-or-treating on Halloween, while he always ended up with a sack full of broccoli for some reason.

Speaking of Halloween, Al's Halloween costume in this home movie is impeccable. If you're one of those nerds who loves making obscure reference Halloween costumes that nobody else will get, then this might be the perfect one for you: The Richard Nixon Skeleton costume from the Weird Al show. I guarantee nobody will get that reference.

Then it shows uncle Johnathan terrorizing young Al with a killer bunny that explodes from behind his magic cloth. Before Al can show any more home movies, the projector catches on fire as his friends cheer.

All of Al's friends make up with each other and soon everybody is happy as can be. Even Harvey the Wonder Hamster is back, and he gives Cousin Corky a giant Valentine's Day card which reads "I Love You!". Awwwww. And look! The mood pie is no longer black! It's... it's... shiny silver? Well, Al's excited about it, so I guess that means it's a good sign, even if it does look like a big ball of tin foil now. Then everybody joins hands while swaying back 'n forth and Al reminds us all about how holidays can be a blast if you have friends who are willing to listen to you.

Just as Al is about to say goodbye and end the show, Dick Clark shows up wanting to do a countdown to the New Year. But when Al informs him that the show is about to end, Dick Clark asks if they can do a countdown to the closing credits instead. Great idea, Dick!

Let it be known that come the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve, I'll be shouting outloud, "HAPPY CLOSING CREDITS!" to everybody and I suggest you all do the same.

Welp, that about does it for the Obligatory Holiday Episode of the Weird Al Show. Oh and for those of you wondering, the complete series including this holiday episode is available on DVD and definitely worth checking out. With special guests including Randy "Macho Man" Savage, Emo Phillips, Fred Willard, Dr. Demento, Downtown Julie Brown, John Tesh and many more, you really can't go wrong with it. Feliz Navidad and Happy Closing Credits, you friggin' weirdos!

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