HORNITHOLOGY, BABY
Each day
I walk to work
Along the banks of the Charles River;
Past Gulls, Starlings, Sparrows,
the occasional Cormorant,
Canada Geese
(Once rare here, now common)
and pigeons.
Today I saw a Pigeon
With the exact same markings
As an
immature Ring-billed Gull.
I shit you not,
My friend.
Now
I work at
A Science Museum
and I know
a Seagull and a Pigeon
can not
produce viable offspring, but
What the fuck?
That's all
I'm saying.
THEY ONLY WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND
This poem is not
About dogs, okay?
Okay, let's go:
Did you ever see a Lassie
Go this way and that way,
Did you ever see a Lassie go this way and that?
Go this way
And that way
And this way
And that way
Did you ever see a
Oh fuck it, I mean honestly
What's the damn point?
MY SECRET PROBLEM
Last night I read Harper's
And The Atlantic and The New
Yorker and the New York
Times and The
Boston Globe
And Mother Jones and Tikkun
And The Nation
And Foreign Policy
And I got a boner
But I won't tell you off which one.
Okay, it was Tikkun.
IS THIS SOMETHING WE CAN TALK ABOUT?
I was thinking
About that one time
You did that thing
And I really liked it?
And how you never did it again after that even once?
I mean, I thought I made it pretty
Clear I liked it.
I know I said
"Thank you"
Is that why you never did it again?
Because I liked it?
Or did you just
Really, you know,
Hate doing it
In the first place?
Are you even awake?
HOW FAIR IS THIS?
So my kid says:
"Lookit, lookit, lookit;
Daddy, watch this, watch,
Lookit, watch, lookit,
Watch this"
"Are you watching, are you watching,
Daddy? Are you watching , Daddy,
Lookit?"
And then she jumps
Off the couch.
And if I say
"Thanks, seriously,
that was really,
really great, no, I mean it
that was Epic, that was
Olympic Gold,
no one in the history
of jumping off couches
has ever jumped
off a couch that well
and when I die
I will still be grateful
I stopped paying
The God damn bills
To watch you do it"
Then I'm a
Bad father.
