POSTCARD
Greetings from Florida!
The weather’s great and
A gator is about
To bite this
girl’s ass!
Wish you were here!
Thinking about
Killing you when
I get home
Love
Max.
IS IT ME?
That fine line between
‘in my head’ and
‘out my mouth’
is getting
finer
Yesterday
I told the postman
‘Hey, Fatty, watch that step
there's some black ice;
you guys gotta hate that
fuckin’ black ice.’
Neither my
Helpfulness nor
The fact the postman was
by no means
Fat
Seemed to mitigate
My faux pas.
VISION
A few years back
Some female friends
Dragged me to a Dyke bar
In Florida.
Place had no sign,
No windows.
My eyes adjust
And shit if
I don’t see
Two lesbian dwarves
Arm wrestling
Under a pool table.
No one believed me
Even though later
We all saw
A Lesbian dwarf
At the bar.
MULTI TASKER
For a skateboarder
Tony Hawk is certainly
A gigantic whore.
A MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE
In photographs
My face is
A lot fatter
Than in
The medicine chest
Mirror.
CONVERSATION WIITH MY DAUGHTER
Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
Don’t do that. Don’t
Touch that I said
Don’t touch that.
Stop it. Hey, I said
Stop it, don’t touch that,
DON’T touch that. That.
DON’T, DAMNIT!
I’M TALKING TO YOU I’M TALKING TO YOU
I KNOW YOU SPEAK ENGLISH-
Oh, sure, now, cry.
Hey. Can you
Not touch that?
HALCYON DAYS
When we were little kids
On summer evenings
Everyone in the neighborhood
Used to play
Hide and seek
In the fog
This big truck
Sprayed out it’s ass
To kill mosquitoes.
Thick as cotton four foot deep
It hung there in the twilight
As we ducked between trees
And the fireflies put in
A very brief appearance.
Dollars to donuts
Every one of us
Has fuckin’ cancer
Now.
DOGS AND CATS
I had this one dog, Lucy
And it ran away
And was found dead
By a neighbor.
So my brother and I got dogs,
Lucy II and Frodo,
And they both got Distemper
And Lucy II died.
So I got another dog
named it Aslan
And while I was over at my best friends house,
He ran out in the street
And got hit by a car
and died.
And then
My neighbors
Golden Retriever
Ripped my face up pretty good
When I tried to teach him
How to dance.
So now I have a cat
And the little bastard
Pees wherever the hell it wants.
I’m gonna get a god damn Hippo.
I mean, what the hell,
Right?
TRUE STORY
This one time?
When I was
In elementary school?
All the boys were playing
Softball but not me.
These two girls
Came up to me and asked
Why all the boys were
Playing softball
And I was sitting under
A tree.
I thought about
Asking them if they
Had ever read
The story of
‘Ferdinand’
And then
I told them
A lunatic
Broke into my house
And stabbed my rabbit
To death.
NO WILD OATS
I never ran wild
In Ireland with
With a wanton woman child
Hell bent on showing
Her Pastor father
What was what.
Never shook it
On Canal Street with a
Somewhat Strung out
Heroin chic
Post punk princess;
Never watched her
Mascara run when the
Sun came up
and I told her it was time
for my bootheels
to be ramblin’;
Never once atop
A Mountain
In a sunlit plateau
Amidst the daisies
Just as naked as
God intended
But for
Hiking boots
Or in the moonlit
Ocean, her whispering
"No names, no
names, that would
only ruin it."
Never asked a dame
In a divey bar
How she got that
Eyepatch
While lighting her cigarette;
Never smoked myself
For that matter,
And bar drinks?
Too expensive.
The Mousy Librarian
Never once removed
Her glasses
In the stacks,
Shook loose her hair,
Not with me.
But I thought
About it all a lot
If you know
What I mean.
Does that count?
