Comic: "Mighty Avengers #9"
Published by: Marvel Comics
Written by: Bendis
Artist: Djurdjevic, Bagley

Reviewer: Max Burbank
Posted: 3/6/2008

Plot: Victor Von Doom goes back in time to play hide the salami with Morgan le Fey and incidentally use up all the good artwork in the book. Meanwhile, having tracked the release of the Venom Symbiotes on Manhattan to a Doom owned satellite, The Mighty Avengers are drawn by a much worse artist invading Latveria without first wondering if maybe they aren’t being set up, considering Doom would have nothing to gain by a terrorist attack on Manhattan.

Review: Let Mighty Avengers #9 stand as the moment it hit me that Brian Michael Bendis is a Skrull. What else could account for the otherwise unbelievable careen he’s on from damn good writer to that kid in middle school who thought folding his eyelids over made him a comedian?

I loved “Alias”. I was such a huge fan of his writing. It was like David Friggin’ Mamet was doing a comic book. How is it POSSIBLE that brain is the same brain that wrote the words in the comic book shaped pile of steaming crap that is “Mighty Avengers” #9? Simple. It isn’t. A Skrull wrote this book.

Okay, okay, okay, forget that the entire book is just a stupid ass slug fest, forget that it has three, count them, three, no dialog two page action spreads that look like stuff I did on my notebook covers during detention, i.e. fun and all But NOT PROFESSIONAL. Forget that after basing multiple, complicated, reasonably well thought out current Marvel Universe premises WRITTEN BY BENDIS that the a super powered assault on Latveria had huge political blowback, BENDIS HIMSELF writes a book about a half cocked spur of the moment Invasion of Latveria with NO CONNECTION to the previous intricate storyline HE HIMSELF HAD WRITTEN… Leave all that besides and oh, good GOD, the DIALOG is so OUTSTANDINGLY BAD you find yourself thankful for the three two page dialog free spreads.

I am so done with the Bendis thought bubbles. What was introduced as an interesting writing idea, letting the reader see where what a character said and what they thought were diametrically opposed, now it’s just there so Ms. Marvel can think “What’s down there?” while she’s saying “Oh no!” I am so done with the text boxes telling me what Iron man’s armor is saying to him that in no way whatever adds information or moves the plot forward in text that’s so close in color to the background that you have to squint like a lunatic in order to find that knowing what it actually says makes no difference, and like that’s not enough now Dooms armor is doing it too, so there’s twice as many unreadable little boxes that if you bother to puzzle them tell you shit all nothing.

Here’s an example of words Bendis, once critically acclaimed for dialog, gives iconic Marvel baddy Doctor Doom when he’s throwing it down with Iron Man:

“I’ve learned so much since last we battled!”

Here’s the Bon Mot he gives Iron Man, as he and Doom tumble through the wreckage of the castle into Doom’s time travel Platform:

“You’re insane!”

Why? Because he has a Time travel platform? He’s Doom! He’s had a time travel Platform since 1964. Maybe Iron Man means he’s insane for not putting more rebar into the roof over the time travel platform so battling superheroes wouldn’t fall into it. It’s apropos of nothing!

Dudes not Bendis. This bag of crap was written by a comic book hating Skrull. Bendis is obviously tied up somewhere or dead and has been for over a year now.

‘Nuff friggin’ said.

Overall rating:
(Scored on a 0.5 - 5 pickles rating: 0.5 being the worst and 5 being the best)