Comic: "Mighty Avengers #9"
Published by: Marvel Comics
Written by: Bendis
Artist: Djurdjevic, Bagley

Reviewer: Max Burbank
Posted: 3/6/2008

Plot: Victor Von Doom goes back in time to play hide the salami with Morgan le Fey and incidentally use up all the good artwork in the book. Meanwhile, having tracked the release of the Venom Symbiotes on Manhattan to a Doom owned satellite, The Mighty Avengers are drawn by a much worse artist invading Latveria without first wondering if maybe they aren’t being set up, considering Doom would have nothing to gain by a terrorist attack on Manhattan.

Review: Let Mighty Avengers #9 stand as the moment it hit me that Brian Michael Bendis is a Skrull. What else could account for the otherwise unbelievable careen he’s on from damn good writer to that kid in middle school who thought folding his eyelids over made him a comedian?

I loved “Alias”. I was such a huge fan of his writing. It was like David Friggin’ Mamet was doing a comic book. How is it POSSIBLE that brain is the same brain that wrote the words in the comic book shaped pile of steaming crap that is “Mighty Avengers” #9? Simple. It isn’t. A Skrull wrote this book.

Okay, okay, okay, forget that the entire book is just a stupid ass slug fest, forget that it has three, count them, three, no dialog two page action spreads that look like stuff I did on my notebook covers during detention, i.e. fun and all But NOT PROFESSIONAL. Forget that after basing multiple, complicated, reasonably well thought out current Marvel Universe premises WRITTEN BY BENDIS that the a super powered assault on Latveria had huge political blowback, BENDIS HIMSELF writes a book about a half cocked spur of the moment Invasion of Latveria with NO CONNECTION to the previous intricate storyline HE HIMSELF HAD WRITTEN… Leave all that besides and oh, good GOD, the DIALOG is so OUTSTANDINGLY BAD you find yourself thankful for the three two page dialog free spreads.

I am so done with the Bendis thought bubbles. What was introduced as an interesting writing idea, letting the reader see where what a character said and what they thought were diametrically opposed, now it’s just there so Ms. Marvel can think “What’s down there?” while she’s saying “Oh no!” I am so done with the text boxes telling me what Iron man’s armor is saying to him that in no way whatever adds information or moves the plot forward in text that’s so close in color to the background that you have to squint like a lunatic in order to find that knowing what it actually says makes no difference, and like that’s not enough now Dooms armor is doing it too, so there’s twice as many unreadable little boxes that if you bother to puzzle them tell you shit all nothing.

Here’s an example of words Bendis, once critically acclaimed for dialog, gives iconic Marvel baddy Doctor Doom when he’s throwing it down with Iron Man:

I’ve learned so much since last we battled!

Here’s the Bon Mot he gives Iron Man, as he and Doom tumble through the wreckage of the castle into Doom’s time travel Platform:

You’re insane!

Why? Because he has a Time travel platform? He’s Doom! He’s had a time travel Platform since 1964. Maybe Iron Man means he’s insane for not putting more rebar into the roof over the time travel platform so battling superheroes wouldn’t fall into it. It’s apropos of nothing!

Dudes not Bendis. This bag of crap was written by a comic book hating Skrull. Bendis is obviously tied up somewhere or dead and has been for over a year now.

‘Nuff friggin’ said.

Overall rating: Half
(Scored on a 0.5 - 5 pickles rating: 0.5 being the worst and 5 being the best)

Reader Comments

The Goddamned Batman
Mar 6th, 2008, 05:48 PM
And this is why I left the book after Frank Cho stopped drawing purdy ladies.

Bendis has gone to utter shit. I've been seeing it for a couple years now.
You'll thank me later...
Mar 6th, 2008, 07:00 PM
It's such a shame too, I've gotta call it burnout, he was only writing 1,500 titles a month for the last decade or so. I kinda expect him to be living in a cave, writing the rough drafts in his own feces at this point.

or MAYBE I just spoiled Mighty Avengers #10
40 pound box of rape?
Mar 6th, 2008, 07:32 PM
Bendis is down the crapper, but at least he isn't batshit insane like Miller. My God, what he's done to Batman makes me bleed out my ears
The Goddamned Batman
Mar 6th, 2008, 08:22 PM
But Miller has turned it into a fascinating art form.
40 pound box of rape?
Mar 6th, 2008, 08:55 PM
I agree the art is fantastic, as is to expect with Miller. But the story itself needs a good overhaul. Too early for another reboot yet though, methinks
40 pound box of rape?
Mar 6th, 2008, 09:02 PM
My mistake. I meant to say anything Frank Miller is involved in usually has fantastic art. And while the story has played out reasonably well, the whole "Goddamn batman" thing has kind of taken me out of the whole seriousness batman is supposed to have
Ordinary Blogger
Mar 6th, 2008, 11:09 PM
This book proves that the Great lakes Avengers need to shine more then ever with crappy writeing like this, It's the only Avenger stable that you get what you pay for awesome writing, Fresh story lines and Unbelieveable artistic drawing of the charecters. I mean come on people they had deadpool on ther team for awhile the Reaks of Awesom-tude. ANd the death of Grasshopper not only was unexpected but would bring a tear to any of the Mans eyes.That and they have the most Powerfullest charecter in the Marvel universe SQUIRRELL GIRL I mean common what more can you want? Thats why i love these review so i can stay away from crap like this, Excellent reveiw!!!
Forum Virgin
Mar 7th, 2008, 12:03 AM
Sounds terrible. when was Bendis any good? I am rather new to comics, so honestly, I have yet to actually encounter a story written by him that I thought was decent. The only Avengers title that I am interested in is Avengers: The Initiative.
Official forum judge
Mar 7th, 2008, 12:29 AM
Creepy-Critters- Max was refering to the inane writing, not the actual visual art.
Official forum judge
Mar 7th, 2008, 12:30 AM
Originally Posted by Butters View Post
Sounds terrible. when was Bendis any good? I am rather new to comics, so honestly, I have yet to actually encounter a story written by him that I thought was decent. The only Avengers title that I am interested in is Avengers: The Initiative.
The Pre-Brand New Day Amazing Spider-Man was good.
The Goddamned Batman
Mar 7th, 2008, 12:43 AM
Except Bendis didn't write that. He wrote Ultimate Spider-Man, which was good for the first 30 issues or so and then quickly went to shit. J. Michael Straczynski wrote Amazing. And I think you may have been confusing me and Max...I was the one talking about how Miller's bad writing has elevated to an art form.

Butters, if you want to see good Bendis, check out Alias, Torso, and Powers. He wrote the first two before he started to suck and Powers is the only decent thing he's still putting out.
Forum Virgin
Mar 7th, 2008, 12:50 AM
Alright, thanks Proto. I love the columns you and Max do, it makes it much easier for me to know what to check out and what to avoid. I laughed when I tried reading something by Bendis, because I recalled your critique of his writing, and it was dead-on.
Last of the Time Lords
Mar 7th, 2008, 07:59 AM
I want to put Miller and Bendis in a room together and just see what happens. Will they fight? Will they get along? Or, horror of horrors, will they collaborate on some sort of project together?

Just savor the image of image of walking into the comic shop one day and seeing "The Goddamned Spider-Man Featuring Goddamned Wolverine #1" on the shelves.
lurking on the walls
Mar 7th, 2008, 08:03 AM
if doom has a time mavhine, wh not go back and kill all the heroes before they became actual heroes?
The Moxie Nerve Food Tonic
Mar 7th, 2008, 09:36 AM
Doom has had a time machine since very nearly the start of the marvel universe. In my opinion, time travel is only a good device in a one off story or novel. Any time you introduce it into an ongoing continuity, it's bound to become a mess because of the inherent paradoxes in the very idea.

Time travel has made continuity unfollowable and utterly stupid in the X-men and Legion franchises and if you ever want to play a game of dumb obscure comics trivia, try to sort out the whole Kang/Immortus story line.

Proto, I totally agree that bad Miller has become like bad Star Trek, ie on par with the good stuff in a totally different way. Unintentional, intentional, it hardly matters, it's a hilarious train wreck. Bendis is just a sad, irritating train wreck. Miller is a head on between a train carrying nuns and orphans and a freight train full of spent nuclear fuel happening right next to a Shriners convention that was being attacked by terrorists.
You'll thank me later...
Mar 7th, 2008, 10:07 AM
I'm going to get my ass kicked for this one, but I thought the first two issues of All Star Batman were amazing. It was absolutely a departure don't get me wrong and yes a little over the top, I remember sitting down and reading #2 and for the first time in all my years of reading comics that it dawned on me that Batman, is completely fucking nuts. The idea of a guy dressed like a bat jumping from building to building beating the living piss out of purse snatchers might not be all there.
Mind you that's not "haha lets punch a baby" crazy, but "HAHA lets eat a baby" crazy.
I loved it, I loved the idea that Batman is completely off his nut. He very well could stab you in the gut and then rape you when you double over in pain.
Mind you that's not the batman I want every day, and it went to shit after that. But for a crazy "elseworlds" kind of thing I was all about it.
Mar 7th, 2008, 12:57 PM
Originally Posted by mburbank View Post
Miller is a head on between a train carrying nuns and orphans and a freight train full of spent nuclear fuel happening right next to a Shriners convention that was being attacked by terrorists.
something like this kind of train wreck, then
Spiteful Jerk
Mar 7th, 2008, 02:23 PM
Agreed, Protoclown. This sounds like it's just, you know, shitty, whereas when Miller writes something godawful, it's beautiful in its gibbering insanity.
Crazed Techno-Biologist
Mar 7th, 2008, 11:07 PM
honestly, its stuff like this thats leading to all those anime-ish otakus with their badly worded three and a half phrases of japanese who think theyre all fluent and crap. just awful, god awful.
Mar 8th, 2008, 12:14 AM
I thought that was the Marvel's new thing. Shitty writing.
Radio Ninja
Mar 10th, 2008, 10:19 AM
I have to agree with you on this one, though I've never been much of an Avengers guy. Seems like there's an overall lack of quality writing at Marvel right now, especially the dialogue. Almost like...the guy in charge...the...whaddya call im...Editor in Chief. Almost like he needs to DIE IN A FUCKING FIRE WHILE BEIN RAPED BY THE RED HULK. Ahem. The only books that have anything going for them right now are The Twelve and Powers, IMO. I do buy the limited series Dark Tower and Marvel Zombies stuff though...and I am contributing my weekly tithe to the "Amazing" Spider-Man. It's a habit by now... maybe I can get on methadone...
The Moxie Nerve Food Tonic
Mar 10th, 2008, 11:20 AM
Yeah, I thought Whedon's run on X-men was a saving grace, but I guess that's ending. So are there folks out there who really like the way Marvel is going these days? Anyone know how their sales are doing?