Comic: "Mighty Avengers #24"
Published by: Marvel Comics
Written by: Dan Slott
Artist: Rafa Sandoval
Reviewer: Max Burbank
Plot: The Scarlet Witch is leading the third group currently calling themselves Avengers around by their collective nose, which they don ‘t seem all that upset about even though she came in second only to the Skrulls in the ‘pork marvels credibility in the fudgie’ race.
This gang calls themselves ‘The Mighty Avengers’, presumably to head off getting stuck with the name ‘The shitty Avengers’ which is what they are. Their modus operandi is to fight whatever the Scarlet Witch tells them to fight, even though the last time they say her she was crackers and now she won’t hang around and explain herself. Quicksilver keeps chasing them and claiming to be on the team so he can find out what the hell is going on with his sister, but she keeps disappearing right before he gets there, arousing no ones suspicions, despite the fact that they used to be closer than… they ought to be, I guess. Especially in the Ultimately Crappy universe, but that’s another story. Meanwhile, Norman Osborn has convened a meeting of the ‘Cabal’, which is the ‘dark’ version of Tony Starks ‘Illuminati’ which is only interesting in that both are useless, contrived plot devices thought up by Bendis to redefine the Marvel Universe the way the Mormons redefined Obama’s Mom’s religion. Both the ‘Might Avengers’ and the ‘Cabal’ are being manipulated by Loki, who is currently a chick with huge boobs., I guess because this book is written with eleven year old boys in mind. Hey, Marvel! Here’s a marketing idea! Change EVERYONE to chicks with big boobs. It couldn’t hurt.
Review: Jesus Toast. Over the years the various Avengers books have been everything from pretty damn great to not at all worth reading, but with the possible exception of the Great Lakes Avengers, they have never been this ridiculous. Lets look at our line up. Hank Pym, now the boy wasp (Give him some boobs, please!) Jarvis , elevated from his prior tea bringer role to the status of advice giving tea bringer. Stature, who along with wining the dumbest marvel hero name has the exact same powers as the boy wasp but has boobs, Teen Vision, US Agent for the love of god who has never been anything more than Guy Gardner in a black cap suit but written worse, Hercules the ill defined man god in a skort, Jocasta the robot wasp who does NOTHING (but does have shiny boobs) and Amadeus, a smart kid filling in the Rick Jones seat who has no purpose. Oh, wait. When ‘Stature’ points out that she and Teen Vision are already on a team, he gets to say “If Wolverine can be on three teams at the same time then you can be on two.” So I guess he’s the voice of reason. He’s pointing out that marvel is overflowing with sloppy, confusing, ill considered continuity or lack thereof, so what the fuck.
Here’s another question. Norman Osborn’s roots are as a Spider-Man Villain, right? Not that I think he can’t do other things, but what’s with his Single White Female fixation on Iron Man? He’s wearing an Iron Man suit, he’s the head of the new Shield and like that wasn’t enough, now he has his own parallel Illuminati. Because why? Is he going to grow a mustache now and join AA?
This book was a slog, I ONLY finished it so I could talk about it with you. I think you owe me some extra strength Tylenol. Or Morphine. Or maybe just shoot me in the head.
(Scored on a 0.5 - 5 pickles rating: 0.5 being the worst and 5 being the best)
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