Movie: "The Human Centipede (First Sequence)"
Directed by: Tom Six
Writing credits: Tom Six
Plot: Some tourists in Germany find themselves at the mercy of a mad scientist who plans to surgically join them together in a most horrible way.
Review: Dieter Laser stars as the mad scientist, Dr. Heiter, in this bizarre new horror film that has everybody talking. Before I review the actual film, we all need to agree on something first: Dieter Laser is an AWESOME name. With that out of the way, let's get on with the film. This review does contain spoilers, so if you're trying to remain in the dark about this movie, do not read onward.
The movie starts out with two American tourist girls in Germany. Soon enough they get lost and their car gets a flat. They panic and yell a lot and within the first five minutes, you can't wait for somebody to shut them up. Well, the filmmakers sure as hell found an interesting way to shut their yappers.
The girls stumble into the home of Dr. Heiter, who drugs them (along with a Japanese man soon after) and prepares them for an experimental surgical procedure that he's been fantasizing about his whole life. He calls it The Human Centipede, and it consists of three people surgically connected to share their digestive tracts... literally ass-to-mouth.
I know it's a disgusting sounding concept, but believe me when I say that the movie isn't the hardcore grossout film people are making it out to be. Roger Ebert refused to even give the movie any stars because he seems to believe it's some kind of twisted abomination that transcends any ratings system. This movie doesn't even make the top 10 list of grossest movies I've seen, and I know there's WAY worse out there that I haven't watched. Trusting Ebert's review is like asking your grandmother what she thought of it. But hey, way to give a film you were apparently so disturbed by some great free publicity, Ebert.
Don't worry folks, The Human Centipede not some nasty fecal-fest where they show close-ups of the surgical victims gagging on butt butter. It's more of a dark horror comedy that focuses on the twisted mind of Dr. Heiter and the lengths he will go to in order to live out his fantasy. He no longer sees his patients as humans, and instead, clearly thinks of his three-person centipede as a pet. He even tries to make them act like a dog by eating from a feeding bowl and fetching the newspaper. It's also shown that before working on people, he successfully attached three dogs together.
I'm happy to report that Dieter Laser is indeed worthy of his awesome name, because not only is he absolutely creepy and amazing in the role, but I swear he looks like a German version of Christopher Walken. I sincerely hope his career takes off and he gets offered more horror roles, because this is a talent that should NOT be ignored.
Akihiro Kitamura also did a really solid job as the tortured leading man of the centipede, and he was hilariously hyper during the live Q&A session in the theater I saw it in. The other two actresses, well... they really didn't get to speak at all for the remainder of the movie for obvious reasons, but kudos to them for having the guts to even audition for such a crazy role.
As twisted and amusing as Dr. Heiter can be, the pacing of the movie was definitely too slow for my tastes at times. It was clear they were constantly trying to build up tension, but it just didn't work or benefit the film in any way. But hey, as annoying as those girls were at the start of the flick, I did find myself feeling sorry for them by the end of it... so at least they accomplished that sway of emotions.
I'm not sure where they're going to take the story in the sequel, which reportedly has plans for a 12-person centipede, but they are claiming it will be far more extreme than this first one was. So perhaps that's the one to be wary of if you're easily nauseated.
In a time when Hollywood is puking up countless horror remakes, I was happy to go out and show my support for a truly original horror film with an incredible performance by Dieter Laser. If you've been curious about the movie, yet too worried it's just some sicko scat flick, you can put those fears at ease, because it's nothing of the sort. Check it out, because while the overall story may be a bit lackluster, Dieter's character will have you craving much more of that madman.
(Scored on a 0.5 - 5 pickles rating: 0.5 being the worst and 5 being the best)
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