Movie: "Halloween: Resurrection"
Directed by: Rick Rosenthal
Writing credits: Larry Brand and Sean Hood
Plot: Michael Myers tries to kill his own legacy as a horror icon by attacking kids during, I shit you not, an internet reality show webcast.
Review: If I had the choice of paying 10 dollars to have somebody shit in my eyes or paying 10 dollars to see this movie, I'd go with the first option. Why? Because it would be the exact same experience, only it wouldn't last for 94 minutes. Halloween: Resurrection is without a doubt the worst movie in the entire series. What started out as a groundbreaking, completely chilling horror film, has sunken into an abyss of bad clichés and rap-stars-and-models-turned-wannabe-actors.
It all starts off with a company called "Dangertainment" (which should be an instant clue to as to the kind of deep thought and that went into this quality film) that is having a bunch of idiot teenagers spend a night in Michael Myers' old house. Naturally, Michael shows up and starts killing everybody in sight. Yeah, it's the whole "see if you can survive night in a scary place" horror movie cliché. It's a cliché I've always loved, but only when it's executed well... and in this case, it's absolutely not. But hey, at least it has a great cast!
Yes, Jamie Lee Curtis is in it, but people aren't exactly banging down her door with work these days (though I'd still say her role in the upcoming "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" offers her more dignity as an actress than being associated with this particular Halloween film). And then we have two people who make James Lipton quiver with delight when you mention their names. Two people who are ranked right up there with other great actors of our time such as Brando and De Niro. Naturally, I'm talking about Tyra Banks and Busta Rhymes.
Yes my friends, this film has it all. Michael Myers attacking kids on a webcam... rappers... supermodels... and some of the most magnificent writing you'll ever bear witness to. Allow me to share some samples of the brilliant dialogue that can be found in Halloween: Resurrection...
"You want some of this? Huh? You want to try and fucking kill me? Huh? You like sushi, motherfucka!?"
"Looking a little crispy over there, Mikey. Like some chicken-fried motherfucker. Well, may he never, ever rest in peace."
Oh yeah, these are the kind of REAL horrors that await you, should you decide to actually watch this despicable film.
Perhaps the most horrifying thing about this eighth installment in the Halloween series is that Rick Rosenthal actually directed it! This is the same guy who directed Halloween 2 which, while not as great as the original film, was still one of the best in the series. It's sad the things that some men will do for an easy paycheck.
As much as I'd like to say Rob Zombie's so-called reimagining of Halloween was the worst thing to happen to the series, it's still somehow light years better than this movie. To all horror movie producers: please leave the rap stars and psycho supermodels where they belong - anywhere but in our beloved horror movies. That and keep the Internet out of any horror storylines. None of that shit is "hip", nor is it a good way to try and connect with a younger audience who didn't necessarily grow up on the original films. They may be young, but they still know when they're being spoon-fed a completely dumbed-down script. Furthermore, so do all of the original, core fans of these classic horror films.
But hey, if your goal is to abandon pretty much everybody who would otherwise care about a horror film you're planning on making, Halloween: Resurrection would make an excellent model to go by.
(Scored on a 0.5 - 5 pickles rating: 0.5 being the worst and 5 being the best)
|That and keep the Internet out of any horror storylines.|
It's honestly one of my favorite Halloween movies. Yes, it has nothing to do with Michael Myers, but if you view it as a standalone horror movie, it's really quite awesome. Check out my big feature on it if you haven't already:
Halloween 3: Season of the Witch:
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