Weeklies

Movie: "Halloween: Resurrection"
Year: 2002
Rated: R
Genre: Horror
Directed by: Rick Rosenthal
Writing credits: Larry Brand and Sean Hood

Reviewer: -RoG-
Posted: 9/1/2008

Plot: Michael Myers tries to kill his own legacy as a horror icon by attacking kids during, I shit you not, an internet reality show webcast.

Review: If I had the choice of paying 10 dollars to have somebody shit in my eyes or paying 10 dollars to see this movie, I'd go with the first option. Why? Because it would be the exact same experience, only it wouldn't last for 94 minutes. Halloween: Resurrection is without a doubt the worst movie in the entire series. What started out as a groundbreaking, completely chilling horror film, has sunken into an abyss of bad clichés and rap-stars-and-models-turned-wannabe-actors.

It all starts off with a company called "Dangertainment" (which should be an instant clue to as to the kind of deep thought and that went into this quality film) that is having a bunch of idiot teenagers spend a night in Michael Myers' old house. Naturally, Michael shows up and starts killing everybody in sight. Yeah, it's the whole "see if you can survive night in a scary place" horror movie cliché. It's a cliché I've always loved, but only when it's executed well... and in this case, it's absolutely not. But hey, at least it has a great cast!

Yes, Jamie Lee Curtis is in it, but people aren't exactly banging down her door with work these days (though I'd still say her role in the upcoming "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" offers her more dignity as an actress than being associated with this particular Halloween film). And then we have two people who make James Lipton quiver with delight when you mention their names. Two people who are ranked right up there with other great actors of our time such as Brando and De Niro. Naturally, I'm talking about Tyra Banks and Busta Rhymes.

Yes my friends, this film has it all. Michael Myers attacking kids on a webcam... rappers... supermodels... and some of the most magnificent writing you'll ever bear witness to. Allow me to share some samples of the brilliant dialogue that can be found in Halloween: Resurrection...

"You want some of this? Huh? You want to try and fucking kill me? Huh? You like sushi, motherfucka!?"

"Looking a little crispy over there, Mikey. Like some chicken-fried motherfucker. Well, may he never, ever rest in peace."

Oh yeah, these are the kind of REAL horrors that await you, should you decide to actually watch this despicable film.

Perhaps the most horrifying thing about this eighth installment in the Halloween series is that Rick Rosenthal actually directed it! This is the same guy who directed Halloween 2 which, while not as great as the original film, was still one of the best in the series. It's sad the things that some men will do for an easy paycheck.

As much as I'd like to say Rob Zombie's so-called reimagining of Halloween was the worst thing to happen to the series, it's still somehow light years better than this movie. To all horror movie producers: please leave the rap stars and psycho supermodels where they belong - anywhere but in our beloved horror movies. That and keep the Internet out of any horror storylines. None of that shit is "hip", nor is it a good way to try and connect with a younger audience who didn't necessarily grow up on the original films. They may be young, but they still know when they're being spoon-fed a completely dumbed-down script. Furthermore, so do all of the original, core fans of these classic horror films.

But hey, if your goal is to abandon pretty much everybody who would otherwise care about a horror film you're planning on making, Halloween: Resurrection would make an excellent model to go by.

Overall rating: Half
(Scored on a 0.5 - 5 pickles rating: 0.5 being the worst and 5 being the best)

Reader Comments

A Total Fairy
Sep 1st, 2008, 08:41 PM
Quote:
That and keep the Internet out of any horror storylines.
Fuck you, Kairo is a great movie.
Clap if you love Dynamo
Sep 1st, 2008, 08:42 PM
I steer clear of all the Halloween moveis after 2
Serial Loiterer
Sep 1st, 2008, 08:54 PM
I'm ashamed to admit this, but I went to the movie theater to see this movie. In my defense though, I had read a misleading spoiler that suggested Busta Rhymes was dispatched in this film vai a baseball bat though the face. Very, very sadly is was all just a big trick to attract patrons to see the movie. Honestly though, how dare they make a Halloween without Loomis. And I'm not talking about some tacky old Malcolm McDowell Loomis imposter. I'm talking about the late and very great Don Pleasence. When the man died, so did the franchise, well at least what was left of it.
Former Virgin
Sep 1st, 2008, 11:31 PM
Proud to say I've never seen it.
Vigilante All-Star
Sep 2nd, 2008, 03:05 AM
Never saw this one, but it's odd that it even happened, considering Michael Meyers got his head chopped off in the movie before this one (Halloween: H20)...so, how the hell did they bother trying to explain how he came back?
I hate this hacker crap!
Sep 2nd, 2008, 09:57 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Riot.EXE View Post
.so, how the hell did they bother trying to explain how he came back?
Very interestingly. But I always like to watch this movie with my buddies. It's terrible. The random sex scene in the sewer / dungeon with falling into fake limbs was funny.
Serial Loiterer
Sep 2nd, 2008, 11:00 AM
The story of his return was uninspired too. Allegedly, the person who got decapitated in H2O wasn't Michael Meyers, it was an imposter who stole his mask before he was loaded into the ambulance. Very plausible. I can see it happening. Happened to me two weeks ago as a matter of fact.
What Video Games?
Sep 2nd, 2008, 11:16 AM
I miss the movie reviews page for some odd reason.
Forum Virgin
Sep 2nd, 2008, 11:20 AM
Don't you think that if Mike Meyers succeeded for once and actually killed off everyone in this film that it could have possibly been watchable? And the internet stuff could have been brought in too. Mike could have pretended to be someone's myspace friend and then told them they sucked forcing them to kill themself.
OH GOD
Sep 2nd, 2008, 11:25 AM
i think they should have a halloween movie where michael myers faces off with mike myers the comedian

or at least cuts his face off
Retardedly Handsome
Sep 2nd, 2008, 11:42 AM
I saw this in the theater. This came out though around the time when everyone was making those "internet horror movies", like fear.com and and some other peice shit that I can remember.

Trick or Treat Muthafucka!
Fucking Finland
Sep 2nd, 2008, 12:23 PM
The only thing worse than a movie starring a rap-star and a model is a movie starring a wrestler.
Holy Diver
Sep 2nd, 2008, 01:11 PM
The third is so obviously the best!
Member
Sep 2nd, 2008, 03:18 PM
We can expect a future sequel to Rocky Balboa where Rocky, after years of retirement and with the strenght of a man now confined to a wheelchair, decides to put on his gloves one more time to do battle... Online...
Pickled Patriarch
Sep 2nd, 2008, 04:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Funky Fried Chicken View Post
The third is so obviously the best!
It's honestly one of my favorite Halloween movies. Yes, it has nothing to do with Michael Myers, but if you view it as a standalone horror movie, it's really quite awesome. Check out my big feature on it if you haven't already:


Halloween 3: Season of the Witch:
http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/halloween3
Member
Sep 2nd, 2008, 04:44 PM
Ya'haaaarr I missed this one. I only really like the first one because its a John Carpenter movie. Dark static shots, long stretches of silent, almost minimalist film making kind of like Assault on Precinct 13. I don't even see it as a slasher movie despite the sequels. 3 is just super badass.

This looks awful, its like the people who work for WWF (at that time) RAW made a slasher movie or the fucking dumbasses that made those stupid fucking later day Chucky movies.
pickled
Sep 2nd, 2008, 08:41 PM
The Halloween series is dead to me.
Forum Virgin
Sep 3rd, 2008, 12:08 AM
it did what any cash cow sequel does.it embraced the current state of pop culture at the time (hip hop, the web and tit shots)to draw in the dead eyed slack jawed movie goers who have to accept whatever is thrown at them by hollywood..this is the kinda stuff that helped kill mainstream horror.
taco loving zombie
Sep 3rd, 2008, 01:25 AM
lol busta rhymes uses his def jam fight for new york moves in this movie
Crazed Techno-Biologist
Sep 3rd, 2008, 03:27 AM
I own season of the witch on vhs and i agree, it is the BEST one.
Forum Virgin
Sep 3rd, 2008, 06:12 PM
But which is actually the worse film, this or Hellraiser: Hellworld? I haven't seen this one, but I did see the aforementioned atrocity, and I'm curious as to the possibilty of anything being even worse.
Vigilante All-Star
Sep 4th, 2008, 03:10 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom Foolery View Post
The story of his return was uninspired too. Allegedly, the person who got decapitated in H2O wasn't Michael Meyers, it was an imposter who stole his mask before he was loaded into the ambulance.
...you're fuckin' kiddin' me, right?
Pickled Patriarch
Sep 4th, 2008, 03:14 AM
Sadly, he's not kidding. Michael Myers supposedly switched places with a paramedic. So, yeah... it was the paramedic that was decapitated. Uh huh... sure.
Forum Virgin
Sep 4th, 2008, 07:16 PM
*Spoiler*: The whole point of the movie was Michael Myers killing Jamie Lee Curtis' character, and when he does he just keeps killing you'd think that once he's done with that he'd just die already!*Spoiler* So the movie really has no point to it!
1.21 Gigawatts!!!
Sep 5th, 2008, 09:59 AM
If they ever do a Halloween again, they should combine the premise of Halloween 3 with the rest of the series by having Michael accidently get a Silver Shamrock mask when his was lost. Maybe just long enough to have to hear that catchy Silver Shamrock tune one more time. Wonder if he would react the same way that the kids did when the song went off on Halloween.
good fer what ails ye.
Sep 7th, 2008, 03:04 PM
When one of the "actors" in your abort- I mean "film" changes their name to "Busta Rhymes", you know you have a quality "film" on your hands.
Member
Sep 7th, 2008, 11:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mockery View Post
It's honestly one of my favorite Halloween movies. Yes, it has nothing to do with Michael Myers, but if you view it as a standalone horror movie, it's really quite awesome. Check out my big feature on it if you haven't already:


Halloween 3: Season of the Witch:
http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/halloween3
It's a damn shame that this is considered the bastard child of the series when clearly the one i would disown is part five due to the fact that none of the characters are likable including the ones we grew to love from part four. This film is the first thing that comes to mind when I think of the halloween season on TV i grew up watching it on Monsterfest and thats probably a big reason why I like H3.
100% Regulator
Nov 2nd, 2008, 04:07 PM
I saw this the other day. it sucked. Halloween 3 was good in its own way. The orginal Halloween is still the best though. Made In Taiwan my ass!
Member OfThe Pigmask Army
Oct 13th, 2009, 10:25 PM
I zoomed in to see the assholes who took a bribe to say this was good, and they're ABC and FOX, if I'm not mistaken.
Took me about a minute for me to figure out what the hell those quotes were attempting to say. And wasn't Micheal supposed to only kill family members, or am I mistaken?