Weeklies

Movie: "Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem"
Year: 2007
Rated: R
Genre: Horror
Directed by: Colin Strause, Greg Strause
Writing credits: Shane Salerno

Reviewer: Protoclown
Posted: 12/27/2007

Plot: An alien-infested Predator ship crash lands near a small Colorado town. The aliens get loose and wreck havoc in the town while a single Predator hunts them. Stupidity ensues.

Review: You gotta love the blatantly obvious marketing ploy behind the name of this movie, which points out the fact that unlike its predecessor, this one is rated R, because it's part of the abbreviated title, AVPR. And it does deliver far more violence and much better kills than the previous PG-13 attempt.

As you would expect with most horror movies, the human characters are a miserable, stupid, unlikeable lot, so that you're sure not to care about any of them when they die (and fortunately plenty of them do). In a dashing display of patriotism, one of the characters is even an army grunt having just come home from a tour of duty in the Middle East, and she conveniently has experience driving an APC (which those wacky civilians refer to as "the tank") and piloting helicopters. Eventually the National Guard shows up in town to contain the situation, which only reminded me of the annoying five minute recruitment commercial (with horrible 3 Doors Down song) I was forced to sit through before the movie. I half expected them to deploy 3 Doors Down from one of the APCs to sing some inspirational victory music to turn the tide of battle (or perhaps drive the aliens away). At one point the few survivors that have banded together are in an APC trying to escape town when they conclude that the only way out is via helicopter, and decide to go to the hospital (which the audience happens to know is infested by aliens) to take theirs and fly out of dodge. Um, hello? You do know about these things called roads, right? You're driving on one?

Fans of the video game AVP2 will appreciate the Predalien running around throughout the movie (especially his presence in the hospital maternity ward), and that brings to mind that this entire movie felt more like an offshoot of the video game series to me than either of the parent film franchises. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, as it made me feel nostalgic for the game again. There were some good fight scenes, but unfortunately a lot of them are entirely too dark, so all you can tell is that this shadowy dark figure is totally pummeling the shit out of that shadowy dark figure (which is especially confusing when the Predator and Predalien have a gentlemanly brawl in the street). Still though, it's far better than the first movie, and I would guess it delivers a much closer product to what the fans actually wanted and expected out of the clash between the two sci-fi franchise icons.

Best part of the movie? When the colonel who has decided that dropping a nuke on the town is the only solution looks at the radar monitor as the bomb-toting plane flies ever closer to its intended target and actually says in a pained, grit-filled voice "God help us all". I laughed out loud.

Overall rating: WholeWholeWhole
(Scored on a 0.5 - 5 pickles rating: 0.5 being the worst and 5 being the best)

Reader Comments

The Dork Knight
Dec 31st, 2007, 05:05 AM
Oh, that was AVP2? I thought it was a cinematic screening of a Everwood vs. Dawnson´s Creek Halloween-Crossover Episode, wher in the end one schmuck awakens to declare that it was all just a horrible nightmare and that there are no monsters...
Choking Hazard
Dec 31st, 2007, 01:02 PM
So to put it blunty, avoid like the plague to avoid further memories being raped?
Choking Hazard
Dec 31st, 2007, 01:03 PM
Bluntly*
The Wrong Melon Farmer
Dec 31st, 2007, 04:17 PM
You forgot to mention all the suspenseful extreme close ups and completely pitch black scenes during all of the fights.
frappez le cochon rouge
Dec 31st, 2007, 04:29 PM
I couldn't see anything for most of the movie. Just vague suggestions of things being on screen.

But I love the fact that they broke one of the cardinal rules: Don't kill children. Even better: killing babies.
The Goddamned Batman
Dec 31st, 2007, 04:43 PM
Evil Dead, I wouldn't say to avoid it. Perhaps you'll want to see a matinee or wait for DVD, but for a stupid movie, it was enjoyable enough.
Choking Hazard
Dec 31st, 2007, 05:13 PM
I might pop out full price admission to see it. I haven't seen a Predator movie in theaters since my dad took me to see Predator 2 as a wee lad.
The Wrong Melon Farmer
Dec 31st, 2007, 05:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fathom Zero View Post
I couldn't see anything for most of the movie. Just vague suggestions of things being on screen.

But I love the fact that they broke one of the cardinal rules: Don't kill children. Even better: killing babies.
Well we don't really know for sure what happened to those babies. It could have just seen them and gotten the idea to do what it did.
Get Your Own Title >:(
Dec 31st, 2007, 08:54 PM
I never watched past Predator 1 :'(
frappez le cochon rouge
Dec 31st, 2007, 10:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sacks View Post
Well we don't really know for sure what happened to those babies. It could have just seen them and gotten the idea to do what it did.
Well what the hell was it going to do? Hug them? We already know that aliens eat people. It stands to reason that this alien would as well. Unless babies are somehow toxic.
Charming
Jan 1st, 2008, 12:54 AM
Matinee it is
The Wrong Melon Farmer
Jan 1st, 2008, 02:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fathom Zero View Post
Well what the hell was it going to do? Hug them? We already know that aliens eat people. It stands to reason that this alien would as well. Unless babies are somehow toxic.
Alls I'm sayin' is we don't know for sure.
Crazed Techno-Biologist
Jan 1st, 2008, 07:59 AM
Honestly, i hate 3 doors down. propaganda to the max is so disgusting. especially when it was blocking my brooding i was doing to get ready for my film, sweeney todd.
Bane of Zombies
Jan 1st, 2008, 03:37 PM
I haven't seen it yet and I hope that the makers of AVPR actually listened to the fans about how the first movie sucked.

And WHY can't any modern movie maker recreate the fear and beauty of the first alien movie! It is one of the greatest horror films I've ever seen, and I want that movie's feel to be in AVPR, too.

(AS if that'll ever happen)
Bloodbender
Jan 1st, 2008, 11:07 PM
Someday, hopefully, they will film a scene of an alien and a predator fighting it out in a big open area during the day with the camera placed a sufficent distance. Granted it will look fake and the alien won't be scary. But it sure will be interesting.
The Wrong Melon Farmer
Jan 1st, 2008, 11:35 PM
I DON'T LIKE THAT TONE MULLON, I DON'T LIKE IT AT ALL.
Tropical Viking
Jan 1st, 2008, 11:54 PM
The simple fact that Paul Anderson departed from the series makes this sequel a lot better. I hate Uwe Bol, but Anderson is an abomination. The resident evil and mortal kombat movies were nutsackcrushingly frustrating. I read on the web that Anderson may be involved in the rape of another legendary game franchise, Castlevania. If that's true, I hope Goro fistfucks Anderson to death.

PS.: Can I curse in those posts?
frappez le cochon rouge
Jan 2nd, 2008, 12:26 AM
AvP 3; Lance Henriksen is BACK!
The Goddamned Batman
Jan 2nd, 2008, 12:38 AM
Hugo, curse away, man. Curse away.
Charming
Jan 2nd, 2008, 01:26 AM
Ugh... Dungeon Siege. *cringe*
OH GOD
Jan 2nd, 2008, 01:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hugo View Post
PS.: Can I curse in those posts?
i dunno, i remember someone saying once that cursing is the crutch of an inarticulate fucker
Charming
Jan 2nd, 2008, 02:23 AM
Sure you can curse all you want. A POX ON ALL OF YOU!
Fookin' up planets!
Jan 2nd, 2008, 02:28 AM
everyone in the theater I went to walked out pissed and annoyed... including my wife. But I found that movie to be all I wanted in the first one. I was the only asshole in the theater who laughed when the facehugger got the little boy... I even got a dirty look which prompted my wife to trump her acting card by saying loud enough for anybody within ear shot.. "John, that is so horrible that you laugh... that's a little boy", at which I shrugged my shoulders and filled my gaping maw with overpriced popcorn. Word
Charming
Jan 2nd, 2008, 02:30 AM
I bring Taco Bell in my rain coat.
Fookin' up planets!
Jan 2nd, 2008, 02:41 AM
oh and just to add to it all, Paul Thomas Anderson... that retard who has trouble making zombie flicks and movies about Kung Fu fighters dismembering one another and makes a PG Alien Vrs. Predator is on the fast track to rape on of my all time favorite classics... "Death Race 2000"... with, Tom Cruise producing... I think I just threw up in my mouth.
frappez le cochon rouge
Jan 2nd, 2008, 03:34 AM
WHAT THE FUCK? Death Race? Agh. Well, I'm off to kill myself!
frappez le cochon rouge
Jan 2nd, 2008, 03:36 AM
Even though it's more recent, Aliens: Resurrection blew ass, even though it was somewhat scary.

When I was 10.
From the Home of MST3K
Jan 2nd, 2008, 10:01 AM
I didn't much get into this movie, but I think it's cus I never got into the series.

Still, I've seen way worse movies.
The Resident Redneck
Jan 2nd, 2008, 11:42 AM
I got a kick out of it. It reminds me of the campy horor movies from the 80's, with better effects though. Besides you got to love chest burster, especially on little nosey kids.
Choking Hazard
Jan 2nd, 2008, 04:23 PM
I usually sneak in about ten bucks worth of beef jerky to any movie I go to.

And Hugo... Is your avatar a VR Trooper?
frappez le cochon rouge
Jan 2nd, 2008, 04:46 PM
Hey, whoa, that post up there was supposed to be in the Stinger article. :weird
OH GOD
Jan 2nd, 2008, 05:51 PM
haha it was? why?
frappez le cochon rouge
Jan 2nd, 2008, 05:54 PM
Alien: Resurrection is a bad game based on a good movie. Oh well, I guess it kinda fits in here, too.
OH GOD
Jan 2nd, 2008, 06:08 PM
WELL NOW I OPOLOGIZE FOR POSTING "wrong article?" AFTER THAT THEN
Forum Virgin
Jan 2nd, 2008, 06:25 PM
Haven't seen this one, but as a fan of the Alien series (and I enjoyed watching the Predator flicks) I thought the first Alien VS. Predator was utter shit. They just shouldn't have. No.
Forum Virgin
Jan 10th, 2008, 09:48 PM
I was wondering what the "R" stood for, since they NEVER TELL YOU ON THE TRAILERS. Very annoying.
At least it wasn't something totally lame like "Revenge"...PredAlien looks kinda totally retarted.
It should look more Predator-ish like the game.
Vigilante All-Star
Mar 2nd, 2008, 05:09 PM
well...what if it was based on the Capcom arcade game? how much more of an interesting movie would it be?